Genesis 8

And God remembered Noah, and every living thing, and all the cattle which were with him in the ark. And God made a wind to pass over the earth, and the waters subsided. Also the fountains of the deep and the windows of heaven were stopped, and rain from heaven was restrained. And the waters returned from off the earth continually. And after the end of the hundred and fifty days the waters had gone down.

Another hit against omnipresence. I can just picture God with a string around his almighty finger thinking “Hmm, what did I forget, OH Noah.”

And in the seventh month, on the seventeenth day of the month, the ark rested upon the mountains of Ararat. And the waters decreased continually until the tenth month. And the tops of the mountains were seen in the tenth month on the first day of the month.

Poor bastards, 10 months on the ark already. The funk must have been insane.

And it happened, at the end of forty days Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made. And he sent forth a raven, and it went out, going out and returning until the waters were dried up from off the earth. He also sent forth a dove from him, to see if the waters had gone down from off the face of the earth. But the dove found no rest for the sole of her foot. And she returned to him into the ark, for the waters were on the face of the whole earth. Then he put out his hand and took her, and pulled her in to him into the ark. And he waited yet another seven days. And again he sent forth the dove out of the ark. And the dove came in to him in the evening. And, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf plucked off. So Noah knew that the waters had gone down from off the earth. And he waited yet another seven days, and sent forth the dove. And she did not return again to him any more.

Noah does not look directly, he relies on birds, not his eyes. Odd choice. Where the fuck did olive leaf come from? An olive tree, buried underwater for a year, would not exist.

And it happened in the six hundred and first year, at the beginning, on the first of the month, that the waters were dried up from off the earth. And Noah removed the covering of the ark and looked. And, behold, the face of the earth was dried! And in the second month, on the twenty-seventh day of the month, the earth was dry.

Pop the hatches, after over a year, finally off the ark.

And God spoke to Noah, saying, Go out of the ark, you and your wife and your sons and your sons’ wives with you. Bring out with you every living thing that is with you, of all flesh, of fowl, of cattle, and of every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth, so that they may breed abundantly in the earth, and be fruitful and multiply upon the earth. And Noah went out, and his sons and his wife and his sons’ wives with him. Every animal, every fowl, and every creeping thing, all which creeps upon the earth after their families, went forth out of the ark.

No idea how the animals could conceivably make their way back to their homes. All I can picture is a koala lumbering back 10,000 miles to Australia, with no food.

And Noah built an altar to the LORD. And he took of every clean animal, and of every clean bird, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the LORD smelled a sweet odor. And the LORD said in His heart, I will never again curse the ground for man’s sake, because the imagination of man’s heart is evil from his youth. And I will not again smite every living thing as I have done. While the earth remains, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.

God has a nose, and just loves barbecue. Now I know the revision to 7 pairs of ‘clean’ animals had to be brought on board. God wipes out everything, but acknowledges it will continue to be evil, so, why? It didn’t fix anything.