And it happened after the death of Joshua, the children of Israel asked the LORD, saying, Who shall go up first for us against the Canaanites to fight against them? And the LORD said, Judah shall go up. Behold, I have delivered the land into his hand. And Judah said to Simeon his brother, Come up with me into my lot so that we may fight against the Canaanites. And I likewise will go with you into your lot. So Simeon went with him. And Judah went up. And the LORD delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites into their hand. And they killed ten thousand men of them in Bezek. And they found Adoni-bezek in Bezek. And, they fought against him, and they killed the Canaanites and the Perizzites. And Adoni-bezek fled. And they ran after him and caught him, and cut off his thumbs and his big toes. And Adoni-bezek said, Seventy kings with their thumbs and big toes cut off have gathered under my table. As I have done, so God has requited me. And they brought him to Jerusalem, and he died there. And the sons of Judah had fought against Jerusalem, and had taken it, and had struck it with the edge of the sword, and had set the city on fire.
70 kings’ thumbs and big toes…wow. This book is starting off well.
And afterward the sons of Judah went down to fight against the Canaanites who lived in the mountain, and in the south, and in the valley. And Judah went against the Canaanites who lived in Hebron; (and the name of Hebron before was Kirjath-arba). And they killed Sheshai, and Ahiman, and Talmai. And from there he went against those who lived in Debir. And the name of Debir before was Kirjath-sepher. And Caleb said, He who strikes Kirjath-sepher and takes it, I will give Achsah my daughter to him for a wife. And Othniel, the son of Caleb’s younger brother Kenaz, took it. And he gave him Achsah his daughter for a wife. And it happened when she came, she moved him to ask for a field from her father. And she dismounted from the ass. And Caleb said to her, What do you desire? And she said to him, Give me a blessing. For you have given me a south land. Give me also springs of water. And Caleb gave her the upper springs and the lower springs. And the sons of the Kenite, Moses’ father-in-law, went up out of the city of palm trees with the sons of Judah into the wilderness of Judah, which is in the south of Arad. And they went and lived among the people. And Judah went with Simeon his brother, and they killed the Canaanites who lived in Zephath and destroyed it. And the name of the city was called Hormah. Also Judah took Gaza with its border, and Askelon with its border, and Ekron with its border. And the LORD was with Judah. And he took possession of the mountain. But he could not drive out those who lived in the valley, because they had chariots of iron. And they gave Hebron to Caleb, as Moses said. And he expelled the three sons of Anak from there.
So much wrong with this passage. The first half is an exact copy and paste from Joshua 15. The second half…well…I guess those chariots of iron really are a problem. The Lord can’t fight iron, despite the last book, in Joshua 17 clearly states that the LORD will deliver them, despite the chariots of iron. Inconsistent AND in no way omnipotent. I guess we modern humans can fight God since we have chariots of iron, like automobiles, not to mention tanks, which use titanium.
And the sons of Benjamin did not expel the Jebusites who lived in Jerusalem. But the Jebusites live with the sons of Benjamin in Jerusalem to this day. And the house of Joseph also went up against Bethel, and the LORD was with them. And the house of Joseph sent to spy out Bethel. And the name of the city before was Luz. And the spies saw a man come forth out of the city, and they said to him, Please show us the gate into the city, and we will show you mercy. And when he showed them the gate into the city, they struck the city with the edge of the sword. But they let the man and all his family go. And the man went into the land of the Hittites and built a city, and called the name of it Luz, which is the name of it to this day. And Manasseh had not taken possession of Beth-shean and its daughter- villages, nor Taanach and its daughter- villages, nor struck the inhabitants of Dor and its daughter- villages, nor the inhabitants of Ibleam and its daughter- villages, nor the inhabitants of Megiddo and its daughter- villages. For the Canaanites were determined to live in that land. And it happened, when Israel became strong, they put the Canaanites to tribute, and did not completely expel them. And Ephraim did not expel the Canaanites who lived in Gezer, but the Canaanites lived in Gezer among them. And Zebulun did not expel those who lived in Kitron, nor those who lived in Nahalol. But the Canaanites lived among them and became tributaries. And Asher did not expel those who lived in Accho, and the inhabitants of Sidon, and Ahlab, and Achzib, and Helbah, and Aphik, and Rehob. But the Asherites lived among the Canaanites, those who lived in the land, for they did not expel them. And Naphtali did not expel those who lived in Beth-shemesh, and the inhabitants of Beth-anath, and they lived among the Canaanites, those who lived in the land. But those who lived in Beth-shemesh and Beth-anath became tributaries to them And the Amorites forced the sons of Dan into the mountain. For they would not allow them to come down to the valley. But the Amorites desired to stay in Mount Heres in Aijalon, and in Shaalbim. Yet the hand of the house of Joseph won out so that they became tributaries. And the border of the Amorites was from the going up to Akrabbim, from the rock and upward.
A rewording. Instead of the harlot, we have a nameless man in the same role. Same exact story, different names. And, we have a bunch of confusing infighting.
And the Angel of the LORD came up from Gilgal to Bochim, and said, I made you go up out of Egypt, and have brought you into the land which I swore to your fathers. And I said, I will never break My covenant with you. And you shall make no treaty with those who live in this land. You shall throw down their altars. But you have not obeyed My voice. What is this that you have done? And I also said, I will not drive them out from before you, but they shall be thorns in your sides, and their gods shall be a snare to you. And it happened when the Angel of the LORD spoke these words to all the sons of Israel, the people lifted up their voices and wept. And they called the name of that place Bochim. And they sacrificed there to the LORD.
Now, instead of the LORD, we have an angel instead. Such a jealous, petty god.
And when Joshua had let the people go, the sons of Israel left, each man to his inheritance, to possess the land. And the people served the LORD all the days of Joshua, and all the days of the elders that outlived Joshua, who had seen all the great works of the LORD that He did for Israel. And Joshua the son of Nun, the servant of the LORD, died, being a hundred and ten years old. And they buried him in the border of his inheritance in Timnath-heres, in mount Ephraim, on the north side of the hill Gaash. And also all that generation were gathered to their fathers. And there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD, nor even the works which He had done for Israel. And the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and served Baals. And they forsook the LORD God of their fathers, who brought them out of the land of Egypt. And they followed other gods of the gods of the people who were around them, and bowed themselves to them, and provoked the LORD to anger. And they forsook the LORD and served Baal and Ashtaroth. And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and He delivered them into the hand of spoilers who spoiled them. And He sold them into the hand of their enemies all around, so that they could not any longer stand before their enemies. Wherever they went out, the hand of the LORD was against them for evil, as the LORD had said, and as the LORD had sworn to them. And they were greatly distressed. But the LORD raised up judges who delivered them out of the hand of those who spoiled them. And yet they would not listen to their judges, but they went lusting after other gods, and bowed themselves to them. They turned quickly out of the way which their fathers walked in, for they had obeyed the commandments of the LORD; these did not do so. And when the LORD raised judges up for them, then the LORD was with the judge, and delivered them out of the hand of their enemies all the days of the judge. For the LORD took pity because of their groanings before their oppressors and their crushers. And it happened when the judge was dead, they returned and made themselves more rotten than their fathers in following other gods to serve them, and to bow down to them. They did not cease from their own doings nor from their stubborn way. And the anger of the LORD glowed against Israel. And He said, Because this nation has transgressed My covenant which I commanded their fathers, and has not listened to My voice, I also from now on will not expel any from before them of the nations that Joshua left when he died; so that by them I may test Israel, whether they are keeping the way of the LORD, to go in it, as their fathers kept it, or not. And the LORD left those nations, without driving them out quickly. And He did not deliver them into the hand of Joshua.
Yet another boring rehash. More whiny god crap.
And these are the nations which the LORD left, to prove Israel by them, as many as had not known all the wars of Canaan; only that the generations of the sons of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least those who before knew nothing of it: five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that lived in Mount Lebanon, from Mount Baal-hermon to the border of Hamath. And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would listen to the commands of the LORD, which He commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses. And the sons of Israel lived among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites. And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods. And the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD and forgot the LORD their God, and served Baals and the Asherahs.
For one thing, I thought Isreal wiped out all of these people already. I guess not, then then intermarry and piss off the LORD again.
And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and He sold them into the hands of Chushan-rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia. And the sons of Israel served Chushan-rishathaim eight years. And when the sons of Israel cried to the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the sons of Israel, who delivered them, Othniel, the son of Caleb’s younger brother Kenaz. And the spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel and went out to war. And the LORD delivered Chushan-rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia, into his hand. And his hand prevailed against Chushan-rishathaim. And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.
The pace of this book is so bizzare. We drag ass for 4 books to cover 40 years, then we breeze over 40 years in one paragraph.
And the sons of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD. And the LORD made Eglon the king of Moab strong against Israel because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD. And he gathered to him the sons of Ammon and Amalek. And he went forth and struck Israel, and took the city of palm trees. So the sons of Israel served Eglon the king of Moab eighteen years.
Piss off God, he no longer acts directly, he strengthens Eglon.
But when the sons of Israel cried to the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent a present to Eglon the king of Moab by him. But Ehud made himself a dagger which had two edges, a cubit long. And he tied it under his clothing upon his right thigh. And he brought the present to Eglon king of Moab. And Eglon was a very fat man. And when he had finished offering the present, he sent away the people who carried the present. But he himself turned again from the graven images by Gilgal, and said, I have a secret message for you, O, king. And he said, Keep silence. And all that stood by him went out from him. And Ehud came to him. And he was sitting in the cool roof room which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, I have a message from God to you. And he rose out of his seat. And Ehud put forth his left hand and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. And the haft also went in after the blade. And the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly. And the dung came out. Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the room upon him, and locked them. And when he had gone out, his servants came. And they looked, and, behold, the doors of the roof room were locked, they said, Surely he is covering his feet in his cool roof room. And they waited until they were ashamed. And, behold, he did not open the doors of the room. And they took a key and opened them. And behold, their lord had fallen down dead on the earth. And Ehud escaped while they waited, and passed beyond the graven images, and escaped to Seirath. And it happened, when he had come, he blew a ram’s horn in the mountain of Ephraim, and the sons of Israel went down with him from the mountain, and he before them. And he said to them, Follow after me. For the LORD has delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand. And they went down after him and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and did not allow a man to pass over. And they killed about ten thousand of the men of Moab at that time, all lusty, and all men of might. And there did not escape a man. So Moab was subdued under the hand of Israel that day. And the land had rest eighty years.
This is a hilarious passage. So, they found this left handed guy. I guess they only search your left thigh when meeting a king? Then, the super fat king gets stabbed, shits himself, and the servants think he is taking an abnormally long shit. Then they find him dead. Priceless passage. Another 10,000 dead.
And after him was Shamgar the son of Anath, who killed six hundred men of the Philistines with an ox goad. And he also delivered Israel.
Killed 600 men with an ox whip
And the sons of Israel again did evil in the sight of the LORD when Ehud was dead. And the LORD sold them into the hand of Jabin king of Canaan, who ruled in Hazor. The captain of his host was Sisera who lived in Harosheth of the nations. And the sons of Israel cried to the LORD, for he had nine hundred chariots of iron. And he mightily oppressed the sons of Israel twenty years.
Again with the iron chariots. They must have been really impressive at the time.
And Deborah, a prophetess, the wife of Lapidoth, judged Israel at that time. And she lived under the palm tree of Deborah between Ramah and Bethel in mount Ephraim. And the sons of Israel came up to her for judgment. And she sent and called for Barak the son of Abinoam out of Kedesh in Naphtali, and said to him, Has not the LORD God of Israel commanded, saying, Go and draw toward mount Tabor, and take with you ten thousand men of the sons of Naphtali and of the sons of Zebulun? And I will draw Sisera to you, the captain of Jabin’s army, at the river Kishon, together with his chariots and his multitude. And I will deliver him into your hands. And Barak said to her, If you will go with me, then I will go. But if you will not go with me, I will not go. And she said, I will surely go with you. But the journey that you take shall not be for your honor, for the LORD shall sell Sisera into the hand of a woman. And Deborah arose, and went with Barak to Kedesh.
Sounds like an early iron age pickup line.
And Barak called Zebulun and Naphtali to Kedesh. And he went up with ten thousand men at his feet. And Deborah went up with him. And Heber the Kenite, of the sons of Hobab the father-in-law of Moses, had separated himself from the Kenites and pitched his tent toward the plain of Zaanaim, near Kedesh. And they told Sisera that Barak the son of Abinoam had gone up to Mount Tabor. And Sisera gathered all his chariots, nine hundred chariots of iron, and all the people with him, from Harosheth of the nations to the river of Kishon. And Deborah said to Barak, Up! For this is the day in which the LORD has delivered Sisera into your hand. Has not the LORD gone out before you? So Barak went down from Mount Tabor, and ten thousand men after him. And the LORD struck Sisera, and all the chariots, and all the army, with the edge of the sword in front of Barak, so that Sisera got down from the chariot and fled on his feet. But Barak pursued the chariots and after the army, to Harosheth of the nations. And all the army of Sisera fell by the edge of the sword. There was not a man left.
Finally defeated the iron chariots with overwhelming force. 900 vs 10,000. Everyone dies.
And Sisera fled on his feet to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite. For there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. And Jael went out to meet Sisera, and said to him, Turn in my lord, turn in to me. Do not fear. When he had turned in to her into the tent, she covered him with a rug. And he said to her, Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty. And she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink, and covered him. Again he said to her, Stand in the door of the tent, and it shall be when any man comes asking of you, saying, Is there any man here? You shall say, No. Then Jael, Heber’s wife, took a peg of the tent and put a hammer in her hand, and went softly to him, and struck the peg into his temple, and beat it into the ground. For he was fast asleep and weary. So he died. And behold, as Barak followed Sisera, Jael came out to meet him and said to him, Come and I will show you the man whom you seek. And when he came into her tent, behold, Sisera lay dead, and the peg was in his temple. And on that day God subdued Jabin the king of Canaan before the sons of Israel. And the hand of the sons of Israel went on, and pressed hard against Jabin the king of Canaan, until they had destroyed Jabin king of Canaan.
Holy shit, that was a hardcore murder. Drove a tent stake through a guy’s head! Whatever happened to shall not kill?
Then Deborah and Barak the son of Abinoam sang on that day, saying, Praise the LORD for the avenging of Israel, when the people willingly offered themselves. Hear, O, kings. Give ear, O, princes. I, even I, will sing to the LORD, I will sing to the LORD God of Israel. LORD, when You went out of Seir, when You marched out of the field of Edom, the earth trembled and the heavens dropped, the clouds also dropped water. The mountains quaked from before the LORD, even that Sinai from before the LORD God of Israel.
In the days of Shamgar the son of Anath, in the days of Jael, the highways were empty, and the travelers walked through crooked ways. The leaders ceased in Israel, they ceased until I, Deborah, arose; until I arose, a mother in Israel. They chose new gods; then war was in the gates. Was there a shield or spear seen among forty thousand in Israel? My heart is toward the lawgivers of Israel who offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless the LORD. Speak, you who ride on white asses, you who sit in judgment and walk by the way. Louder than the voice of the dividers between the watering places, there shall they tell again the righteous acts of the LORD, the righteous acts of His leaders in Israel. Then shall the people of the LORD go down to the gates.
First person speaking now. Back to other gods…again.
Awake, awake, Deborah. Awake, awake, sing a song. Arise, Barak, lead your captivity captive, son of Abinoam. Then He made me tread on the remnant of the nobles among the people. The LORD made me have dominion over the mighty. Out of Ephraim there was a root of them against Amalek; after you, Benjamin, with your peoples. Out of Machir came down commanders, and out of Zebulun came they who handle the pen of the writer. And the rulers of Issachar were with Deborah, even Issachar, and also Barak. He was sent on foot into the valley. There were great thoughts of heart for the divisions of Reuben. Why did you stay among the sheepfolds to hear the bleating of the flocks? For in the divisions of Reuben there were great searchings of heart. Gilead stayed beyond Jordan. And why did Dan remain in ships? Asher continued on the seashore and remained in his havens. Zebulun and Naphtali were a people who put their lives in danger of death in the high places of the field. Kings came and fought. Then the kings of Canaan fought in Taanach by the waters of Megiddo. They took no gain of silver. They fought from heaven; the stars in their courses fought against Sisera. The river of Kishon swept them away, that ancient river, the river Kishon. O my soul, you trampled in strength. Then did the hooves of horses beat, from the galloping, the galloping of their mighty ones. Curse Meroz, said the Angel of the LORD; curse the people of it bitterly, because they did not come to the help of the LORD, to the help of the LORD against the mighty.
What the fuck did this passage mean? Noun verb verb adjective noun adverb. What the fuck?
Blessed among women shall Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite be. She shall be blessed above women in the tent. He asked for water, and she gave him milk. She brought forth butter in a lordly dish. She put her hand to the peg, and her right hand to the workman’s hammer; she hammered Sisera; she smashed his head, she pierced and struck through his temple. He bowed between her feet, he fell, he lay down. Between her feet he bowed; he fell. Where he bowed, there he fell down dead. The mother of Sisera looked out a window, and cried through the lattice, Why is his chariot so long in coming? Why do the wheels of his chariot wait? Her wise ladies answered her, yea, she returned answer to herself, Do they not find and divide the spoil? A womb, two wombs to a man’s head, to Sisera a prize of dyed garments, a prize of embroidered dyed garments for the necks of those that take the spoil. So let all Your enemies perish, O LORD. But let them that love Him be like the sun when He goes forth in His might. And the land had rest forty years.
This really didn’t translate well. I am too lazy to see what the hell this all means. Bow to a woman and die? Bring butter out on a nice dish? No idea.
And the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD. And the LORD delivered them into the hand of Midian seven years. And the hand of Midian was strong against Israel. Before the faces of Midian, the sons of Israel made themselves dens in the mountains, and caves and strongholds. And so it was, when Israel had sown, that the Midianites came up, and the Amalekites, and the sons of the east, even they came up against them. And they camped against them and destroyed the increase of the earth, until you come to Gaza. And they left no food for Israel, neither sheep nor ox nor ass. For they came up with their cattle and their tents, and they came as locusts for multitude, both they and their camels were without number. And they entered into the land to destroy it. And Israel was made very poor because of the Midianites. And the sons of Israel cried to the LORD.
More sinning against the LORD, so evil against them for 7 years. These sons of Israel are some dumb fuckers with no memory.
And it happened, when the sons of Israel cried to the LORD because of the Midianites, the LORD sent a man, a prophet to the sons of Israel, who said to them, So says the LORD God of Israel: I brought you up from Egypt and brought you forth out of the house of bondage. And I delivered you out of the hand of the Egyptians, and out of the hand of all who oppressed you, and drove them out from before you and gave you their land. And I said to you, I am the LORD your God. Do not fear the gods of the Amorites in whose land you live. But you have not obeyed My voice.
And the Angel of the LORD came and sat under an oak which was in Ophrah, which belonged to Joash the Abiezrite. And his son Gideon threshed wheat by the winepress, to hide it from the Midianites. And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him, and said to him, The LORD is with you, mighty warrior. And Gideon said to Him, O, my Lord, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles which our fathers told us of, saying, Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt? But now the LORD has forsaken us, and delivered us into the hands of the Midianites. And the LORD looked upon him and said, Go in your might, and you shall save Israel from the hand of the Midianites. Have I not sent you? And he said to him, O, my Lord, with what shall I save Israel? Behold, my family is poor in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house. And the LORD said to him, Surely, I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man. And he said to Him, If now I have found grace in Your sight, then show me a sign that You talk with me. Do not depart from here, I pray, until I come to You, and bring forth my food offering and set it before You. And He said, I will stay until you come again. And Gideon went in and made ready a kid and unleavened cakes of an ephah of flour. He put the flesh in a basket, and he put the broth in a pot, and brought it out to Him to the oak, and offered it. And the Angel of God said to him, Take the flesh and the unleavened cakes and lay on this rock, and pour out the broth. And he did so. Then the Angel of the LORD put forth the end of the staff that was in His hand and touched the flesh and the unleavened cakes. And there rose up fire out of the rock and burned up the flesh and the unleavened cakes. Then the Angel of the LORD went away out of his sight. And when Gideon saw that He was the Angel of the LORD, Gideon said, Alas, O Lord God! Because I have seen the Angel of the LORD face to face. And the LORD said to him, Peace to you. Do not fear. You shall not die. Then Gideon built an altar there to the LORD, and called it Jehovah-shalom. It is yet in Ophrah of the Abiezrites to this day.
So tired of reading the same fucking passage with slightly different names. I never knew the Bible was so fucking uncreative.
And it happened on that night the LORD said to him, Take your father’s young bull, even the second bull of seven years, and throw down the altar of Baal which your father has, and cut down the pillar by it. And build an altar to the LORD your God upon the top of this rock, in an orderly manner, and take the second bull and offer a burnt sacrifice with the wood of the grove which you shall cut down. Then Gideon took ten men of his servants, and did as the LORD had said to him. And so it was, because he feared his father’s household and the men of the city, that he could not do it by day. So he did it by night. And when the men of the city arose early in the morning, behold, the altar of Baal was cast down, and the pillar which was by it was cut down, and the second bull had been offered upon the altar that was built. And they said to one another, Who has done this thing? And when they inquired and asked, they said, Gideon the son of Joash has done this thing. Then the men of the city said to Joash, Bring out your son so that he may die (because he had cast down the altar of Baal, and because he had cut down the pillar by it). And Joash said to all that stood against him, Will you plead for Baal? Will you save him? He who contends for him shall be killed by the morning. If he is a god, let him plead for himself, because one has cast down his altar. And on that day he called him Jerubbaal, saying, Let Baal contend against him because he has thrown down his altar.
Fuck me, again, yet another animal sacrifice.
Then all the Midianites and the Amalekites, and the sons of the east were gathered together, and went over and pitched in the valley of Jezreel. But the spirit of the LORD came to Gideon, and he blew a ram’s horn. And he called the Abiezrites after him. And he sent messengers throughout all Manasseh, who also were gathered after him. And he sent messengers to Asher, and to Zebulun, and to Naphtali. And they came up to meet them. And Gideon said to God, If You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said, Behold, I will put a fleece of wool in the grain-floor. And if the dew is on the fleece only, and dry upon all the ground, then I shall know that You will save Israel by my hand, as You have said. And it was so. For he rose up early in the morning and gathered the fleece together, and wrung the dew out of the fleece, a bowl full of water. And Gideon said to God, Let not Your anger be hot against me, and I will speak but this once. I pray You, let me test but this once with the fleece. Let it now be dry only upon the fleece, and upon all the ground let there be dew. And God did so that night. For it was dry upon the fleece only, and there was dew on all the ground.
Fuck you Bible. Come up with something new.
And Jerubbaal (he is Gideon) and all the people that were with him, rose up early and pitched beside the well of Harod, so that the army of the Midianites was on the north side of them, by the hill of Moreh, in the valley. And the LORD said to Gideon, The people with you are too many for Me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel boast themselves against Me, saying, My own hand has saved me. Now, therefore, speak in the ears of the people, saying, Whoever is fearful and afraid, let him return and go away early from Mount Gilead. And twenty-two thousand of the people returned. And there remained ten thousand. And the LORD said to Gideon, The people are still too many. Bring them down to the water, and I will separate them for you there. It shall be that of whom I say to you, This shall go with you, the same shall go with you. And of whomever I say to you, This shall not go with you, the same shall not go. And he brought down the people to the water. And the LORD said to Gideon, Everyone who laps the water with his tongue, as a dog laps, you shall set him apart; also everyone who bows down upon his knees to drink. And the number of them who lapped, putting their hand to their mouth, was three hundred men. But all the rest of the people bowed down upon their knees to drink water. And the LORD said to Gideon, I will save you by the three hundred men who lapped, and will deliver the Midianites into your hand. And let all the other people go, each man to his place. And the people took provisions in their hand, and their ram’s horns. And he sent away all the rest of Israel, each man to his tent, and kept those three hundred men. And the army of Midian was below him in the valley.
Truly bizarre way to separate people. If they drink like a dog or use your hands. Too many guys, just pare it down to 300?
And it happened on that night, the LORD said to him, Arise, go down to the army, for I have delivered it into your hand. But if you fear to go down, go with Phurah your servant down to the army. And you shall hear what they shall say. And afterward your hands shall be strengthened to go down to the army. Then he went down with Phurah his servant to the edge of the ranks in the army. And the Midianites and the Amalekites, and all the sons of the east lay along in the valley like locusts for multitude, and their camels without number, like the sand by the seaside for multitude. And when Gideon had come, behold, a man told a dream to his fellow, and said, Behold, I dreamed a dream, and lo, a cake of barley bread tumbled into the host of Midian, and came to a tent, and struck it so that it fell, and overturned it, so that the tent lay along. And his fellow answered and said, This is nothing else except the sword of Gideon the son of Joash, a man of Israel. For into his hand God has delivered Midian and all the army. And it happened, when Gideon heard the telling of the dream and the meaning of it, he worshiped. And he returned to the army of Israel, and said, Arise! For the LORD has delivered the host of Midian into your hand.
God speaks in dreams now?
And he divided the three hundred men into three companies. And he put a ram’s horn in every man’s hand, with empty pitchers, and torches inside the pitchers. And he said to them, Look on me, and do likewise. And, behold, when I come to the edge of the camp, it shall be, as I do, so you shall do. When I blow with a ram’s horn, I and all who are with me, then you blow the ram’s horns also on every side of all the camp, and shout, For Jehovah and for Gideon! So Gideon and the hundred men with him came to the edge of the camp in the beginning of the middle watch. And they had but newly set the watch. And they blew the ram’s horns and broke the pitchers that were in their hands. And the three companies blew the ram’s horns and broke the pitchers and held the torches in their left hands and the ram’s horns in their right hands to blow. And they cried, A sword for Jehovah and for Gideon! And they stood, each man in his place, all around the camp. And all the army ran, and cried, and fled. And the three hundred blew the ram’s horns. And the LORD set every man’s sword against his fellow, even throughout all the army. And the army fled to Beth-shittah in Zererath, to the border of Abel-meholah, to Tabbath.
You scared off a huge army with horns?
And the men of Israel were called out of Naphtali, and out of Asher, and out of all Manasseh, and ran after the Midianites. And Gideon sent messengers throughout all mount Ephraim, saying, Come down against the Midianites, and take the waters to Beth-barah and Jordan before them. Then all the men of Ephraim gathered themselves. And they captured the waters to Beth-barah and Jordan. Then they took two princes of the Midianites, Oreb and Zeeb. And they killed Oreb upon the rock Oreb, and they killed Zeeb at the winepress of Zeeb. And they pursued Midian and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon on the other side Jordan.
These are some cold hearted people. Crush heads in wine-presses.
And the men of Ephraim said to him, What is this thing you have done to us, not to call us when you went to fight with the Midianites? And they rebuked him sharply. And he said to them, What have I done now in comparison to you? Is not the gleaning of the grapes of Ephraim better than the vintage of Abiezer? God has delivered into your hands the princes of Midian, Oreb and Zeeb. And what was I able to do in comparison to you? Then their spirits toward him went away when he had said that.
And Gideon came to Jordan, crossing over, he and the three hundred men with him, faint, yet pursuing them. And he said to the men of Succoth, I pray you, give loaves of bread to the people who follow me. For they are tired, and I am chasing after Zebah and Zalmunna, kings of Midian. And the rulers of Succoth said, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in your hand, so that we should give bread to your army? And Gideon said, Therefore, when the LORD has delivered Zebah and Zalmunna into my hand, then I will tear your flesh with the thorns of the wilderness and with briers. And he went up from there to Penuel, and spoke to them likewise. And the men of Penuel answered him like the men of Succoth had answered. And he spoke also to the men of Penuel, saying, When I come again in peace, I will break down this tower. And Zebah and Zalmunna were in Karkor, and their armies with them, about fifteen thousand, all who were left of all the armies of the sons of the east. For a hundred and twenty thousand men that drew sword fell. And Gideon went up by the way of those who lived in tents on the east of Nobah and Jogbehah, and struck the army. For the army was at ease. And when Zebah and Zalmunna fled, he pursued them and took the two kings of Midian, Zebah and Zalmunna, and destroyed all the army. And Gideon the son of Joash turned back from battle before Mount Heres. And he caught a young man of the men of Succoth and asked of him. And he described to him the rulers of Succoth, and its elders, seventy-seven men. And he came to the men of Succoth and said, Behold, Zebah and Zalmunna, with whom you rebuked me, saying, Are the hands of Zebah and Zalmunna now in your hand so that we should give bread to your men who are weary? And he took the elders of the city, and thorns of the wilderness and briers, and with them he taught the men of Succoth. And he beat down the tower of Penuel, and killed the men of the city.
300 vs. 120,000. Yeah, I call bullshit. All of these numbers are made up.
And he said to Zebah and Zalmunna, How were the men whom you killed in Tabor? And they answered, As you are, so they. Each one resembled the sons of a king. And he said, They were my brothers, the sons of my mother. As the LORD lives, if you had saved them alive, I would not kill you. And he said to Jether his first-born, Up! Kill them! But the youth did not draw his sword, for he feared, because he was still a youth. And Zebah and Zalmunna said, Rise and fall upon us. For as the man is, so is his strength. And Gideon arose and killed Zebah and Zalmunna, and took away the ornaments on their camels’ necks.
This book is a bitch to understand. More killing and spoils?
And the men of Israel said to Gideon, Rule over us, both you and your son, and your son’s son also. For you have delivered us from the hand of Midian. And Gideon said to them, I will not rule over you, neither shall my son rule over you. The LORD shall rule over you. And Gideon said to them, I would desire a favor of you, that each man of you would give me the earrings of his prey. (For they had golden earrings, because they were Ishmaelites.) And they answered, We will gladly give. And they spread a cloth, and each man threw the earrings of his prey in it. And the weight of the golden earrings which he asked for was seventeen hundred of gold, besides ornaments, and pendants, and purple clothing that was on the kings of Midian, and besides the chains around their camels’ necks. And Gideon made an ephod of it, and put it in his city, in Ophrah. And all Israel went there lusting after it, which thing became a snare to Gideon and to his house. And Midian was subdued before the sons of Israel, so that they lifted up their heads no more. And the land had rest forty years in the days of Gideon.
Another 40 years of rest after some gibberish.
And Jerubbaal the son of Joash went and lived in his own house. And Gideon had seventy sons, begotten of his body. For he had many wives. And his concubine, who was in Shechem, also bore him a son whose name he called Abimelech. And Gideon the son of Joash died in a good old age, and was buried in the tomb of Joash his father, in Ophrah of the Abiezrites. And it happened as soon as Gideon was dead, the sons of Israel turned again and went lusting after the Baals, and made Baal-berith their god. And the sons of Israel did not remember the LORD their God, who had delivered them out of the hands of all their enemies on every side. Neither did they show kindness to the house of Jerubbaal, Gideon, according to all the goodness which he had shown to Israel.
70 sons? I have yet to find ‘traditional’ marriage in the Bible. Fuck me, if they forget the LORD again I am this close to stopping reading this stupid fucking book.
And Abimelech the son of Jerubbaal went to Shechem, to his mother’s brothers. And he talked with them and with all the family of the house of his mother’s father, saying, I pray you, speak in the ears of all the men of Shechem: Which is better for you, either that all the sons of Jerubbaal, seventy persons, reign over you, or that one reign over you? Remember also that I am your bone and your flesh. And his mother’s brothers spoke of him in the ears of all the men of Shechem with all these words. And their hearts were bent toward Abimelech, for they said, He is our brother. And they gave him seventy pieces of silver out of the house of Baal-berith, with which Abimelech hired worthless and reckless persons who followed him. And he went to his father’s house at Ophrah and killed his brothers the sons of Jerubbaal, seventy persons, upon one stone. But Jotham, the youngest son of Jerubbaal, was still left; for he hid himself. And all the leaders of Shechem gathered together, and all the house of Millo. And they came and made Abimelech king beside the plain of the pillar in Shechem.
Green fees? No idea.
And when they told Jotham, he went and stood in the top of mount Gerizim. And he lifted up his voice and cried, and said to them, Listen to me, leaders of Shechem, so that God may listen to you. The trees went forth to anoint a king over them. And they said to the olive tree, Reign over us. But the olive tree said to them, Should I leave my fatness with which they honor God and man by me, and go to be promoted over the trees? And the trees said to the fig tree, You come and reign over us. But the fig tree said to them, Should I forsake my sweetness and my good fruit, and go to be promoted over the trees? Then the trees said to the vine, You come and reign over us. And the vine said to them, Should I leave my wine, which cheers God and man, and go to be promoted over the trees? Then all the trees said to the bramble-bush, You come and reign over us. And the bramble-bush said to the trees, If you truly anoint me king over you, come put your trust in my shadow. And if not, let fire come out of the bramble and burn up the cedars of Lebanon.
What the fuck? Is this to be taken literally? Why are they talking to trees? Why are the trees talking? Is this Aesop? I thought the talking snake and donkey were silly. At least they were animals.
And now, if you have done truly and sincerely in that you have made Abimelech king, and if you have dealt well with Jerubbaal and his house, and have done to him according to what his hands did, in which my father fought for you and much endangered his life, and delivered you out of the hand of Midian. And you have risen up against my father’s house today, and have killed his sons, seventy persons, upon one stone, and have made Abimelech, the son of his slave woman, king over the men of Shechem, because he is your brother; if then you have dealt truly and sincerely with Jerubbaal and with his house today, rejoice in Abimelech, and let him also rejoice in you. But if not, let fire come out from Abimelech and burn up the men of Shechem and the house of Millo. And let fire come out from the men of Shechem, and from the house of Millo, and burn up Abimelech. And Jotham ran away and fled, and went to Beer, and lived there for fear of Abimelech his brother.
What? 70 people sacrificed? Maybe?
And Abimelech reigned three years over Israel. And God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the men of Shechem. And the men of Shechem dealt treacherously with Abimelech, so that the cruelty to the seventy sons of Jerubbaal might come, and their blood be laid upon Abimelech their brother, who killed them, and upon the men of Shechem who helped him in the killing of his brothers. And the men of Shechem set men lying in wait for him in the top of the mountains, and they robbed all that passed by. And it was told to Abimelech. And Gaal the son of Ebed came with his brothers, and went over to Shechem. And the men of Shechem put their confidence in him. And they went out into the fields and gathered their vineyards and trod the grapes, and made merry, and went into the house of their god, and ate and drank, and cursed Abimelech. And Gaal the son of Ebed said, Who is Abimelech, and who is Shechem, that we should serve him? Is he not the son of Jerubbaal, and Zebul his officer? Serve the men of Hamor the father of Shechem: for why should we serve him? And I wish this people were under my hand! Then I would remove Abimelech. And he said to Abimelech, Increase your army, and come out! And Zebul the ruler of the city heard the words of Gaal the son of Ebed, and his anger was kindled. And he sent messengers to Abimelech secretly, saying, Behold, Gaal the son of Ebed and his brothers have come to Shechem. And behold, they fortify the city against you. And now come up by night, you and the people with you, and lie in wait in the field. And it shall be in the morning, as soon as the sun is up, it shall be that you shall rise early and set upon the city. And behold, when he and the people who are with him come out against you, you may do to them as you desire. And Abimelech rose up by night, and all the people with him, and they lay in wait against Shechem in four companies. And Gaal the son of Ebed went out and stood in the entrance of the gate of the city. And Abimelech rose up, and the people with him, from lying in wait. And when Gaal saw the people, he said to Zebul, Behold, people are coming down from the top of the mountains. And Zebul said to him, You are seeing the shadow of the mountains like men. And Gaal spoke again and said, See, people are coming by the middle of the land, and another company coming along by way of the Sorcerers’ Oak. And Zebul said to him, Where is your mouth now, with which you said, Who is Abimelech, that we should serve him? Is not this the people whom you have despised? I pray you, go out now and fight with them. And Gaal went out before the men of Shechem, and fought with Abimelech. And Abimelech chased him, and he fled before him, and many were overthrown and wounded, to the entrance of the gate. And Abimelech lived at Arumah. And Zebul put Gaal and his brothers out, so that they should not live in Shechem. And it happened on the next day the people went out into the field. And they told Abimelech. And he took the people and divided them into three companies, and lay in wait in the field. And they looked, and behold, the people came forth out of the city. And he rose up against them, and struck them. And Abimelech and the company with him rushed forward and stood in the entrance of the gate of the city. And the two companies ran upon all the people in the field, and killed them. And Abimelech fought against the city all that day. And he took the city and killed the people in it. And he beat down the city and sowed it with salt. And all the men of the tower of Shechem heard, and entered into a stronghold of the house of the god Berith. And it was told Abimelech that all the men of the tower of Shechem were gathered together. And Abimelech went up to Mount Zalmon, he and all the people with him. And Abimelech took an axe in his hand, and cut down a limb from the trees, and took it and laid it on his shoulder, and said to the people who were with him, What you have seen me do, hurry and do likewise. And all the people also, each man, cut down a limb for themselves, and followed Abimelech, and set them at the stronghold, and set on fire the stronghold. And about a thousand men and women, all the men of the tower of Shechem, died also.
Takeaways here. God sends evil spirits. Not all loving. The rest of this passage was a mess.
And Abimelech went to Thebez, and camped against Thebez, and took it. But there was a strong tower in the middle of the city, and all the men and women, and all the leaders of the city, fled there, and shut it behind them, and got up to the top of the tower. And Abimelech came to the tower and fought against it, and went hard to the door of the tower to burn it with fire. And a certain woman threw a piece of a millstone upon Abimelech’s head and crushed his skull. Then he called hastily to the young man who was his armor-bearer, and said to him, Draw your sword and kill me, so that men may not say of me, A woman killed him! And his young man thrust him through, and he died. And when the men of Israel saw that Abimelech was dead, each one of them left to go to his place. And God repaid the evil of Abimelech, that which he did to his father in killing his seventy brothers. And all the evil of the men of Shechem God sent back upon their heads. And upon them came the curse of Jotham the son of Jerubbaal.
So, apparantly, being killed by a woman is the worst thing that can happen to you in this misogynist society. Who proof read this passage?
And after Abimelech there arose to defend Israel, Tola the son of Puah, the son of Dodo, a man of Issachar. And he lived in Shamir in Mount Ephraim. And he judged Israel twenty-three years, and died, and was buried in Shamir. And after him arose Jair, a Gileadite, and judged Israel twenty-two years. And he had thirty sons who rode on thirty ass colts, and they had thirty cities which are called Havoth-jair to this day in the land of Gilead. And Jair died and was buried in Kamon.
And the sons of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD, and served the Baals and Ashtoreths, and the gods of Syria, and the gods of Sidon, and the gods of Moab, and the gods of the sons of Ammon, and the gods of the Philistines. And they left the LORD, and did not serve Him. And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and He sold them into the hands of the Philistines and into the hands of the sons of Ammon. And that year they troubled and oppressed the sons of Israel; all the sons of Israel on the other side of Jordan, in the land of the Amorites, which is in Gilead, for eighteen years. And the sons of Ammon passed over Jordan to fight also against Judah, and against Benjamin, and against the house of Ephraim, so that Israel was very distressed.
FUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK, again. Quit fucking doing evil against the LORD.
And the sons of Israel cried to the LORD, saying, We have sinned against You, both because we have forsaken our God and also have served the Baals. And the LORD said to the sons of Israel, Did not I deliver you from Egyptians, and from the Amorites, from the sons of Ammon, and from the Philistines? And the Sidonians and the Amalekites and the Maonites oppressed you. And you cried to Me, and I delivered you out of their hand. Yet you have forsaken Me and served other gods; therefore, I will deliver you no more. Go and cry to the gods which you have chosen. Let them deliver you in the time of your tribulation. And the sons of Israel said to the LORD, We have sinned. Do You to us whatever is good in Your eyes; only deliver us, we pray You, today. And they put away the strange gods from among them, and served the LORD. And His soul was moved by the misery of Israel. Then the sons of Ammon were gathered and camped in Gilead. And the sons of Israel assembled themselves together and camped in Mizpeh. And the people and rulers of Gilead said to one another, What man is there who will begin to fight against the sons of Ammon? He shall be head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.
How many fucking times, how many times? will this fucking thing happen in the Bible? This ‘god’ is fucking worthless.
Now Jephthah, the Gileadite, was a mighty man of war. And he was the son of a harlot. And Gilead fathered Jephthah. And Gilead’s wife bore him sons. And his wife’s sons grew up, and they threw Jephthah out and said to him, You shall not inherit in our father’s house. For you are the son of another woman. Then Jephthah fled from his brothers and lived in the land of Tob. And worthless men were gathered to Jephthah, and went out with him.
And it happened after some time the sons of Ammon made war against Israel. And when the sons of Ammon made war against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to bring Jephthah out of the land of Tob. And they said to Jephthah, Come and be our commander, so that we may fight with the sons of Ammon. And Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, Have you not hated me and thrown me out of my father’s house? Why have you come to me now when you are in trouble? And the elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, For this reason we turn again to you now, so that you may go with us and fight against the sons of Ammon, and be our head over all the people of Gilead. And Jephthah said to the elders of Gilead, If you bring me home again to fight against the sons of Ammon, and the LORD delivers them before me, shall I be your head? And the elders of Gilead said to Jephthah, The LORD is witness between us if we do not do so according to your word. And Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him head and commander over them. And Jephthah uttered all his words before the LORD in Mizpeh.
And Jephthah sent messengers to the king of the sons of Ammon, saying, What have you to do with me, that you have come against me to fight in my land? And the king of the sons of Ammon answered to the messengers of Jephthah, Because Israel took away my land when they came up out of Egypt, from Arnon even to Jabbok, and to Jordan. Now therefore restore those lands peaceably. And Jephthah sent messengers again to the king of the sons of Ammon. And he said to him, So says Jephthah, Israel did not take away the land of Moab, nor the land of the sons of Ammon. But when they came up from Egypt, Israel walked through the wilderness to the Red Sea, and came to Kadesh. And Israel sent messengers to the king of Edom, saying, I pray you, let me pass through your land. But the king of Edom would not listen. And in the same way they sent to the king of Moab, but he would not. And Israel stayed in Kadesh. And they went along through the wilderness, and went around the land of Edom and the land of Moab, and came by the east side of the land of Moab and pitched on the other side of Arnon, but they did not come within the border of Moab; for Arnon was the border of Moab. And Israel sent messengers to Sihon king of the Amorites, the king of Heshbon. And Israel said to him, We pray you, let us pass through your land to my place. But Sihon did not trust Israel to pass through his border. But Sihon gathered all his people together and pitched in Jahaz, and fought against Israel. And the LORD God of Israel delivered Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they struck them. So Israel possessed all the land of the Amorites, who lived in that country. And they possessed all the borders of the Amorites, from Arnon even to Jabbok, and from the wilderness even to Jordan. So now the LORD God of Israel has put out the Amorites before His people Israel, and should you possess it? Will you not possess that which Chemosh your god gives you to possess? So whomever the LORD our God shall drive out from before us, we will possess them. And now are you any better than Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab? Did he ever strive against Israel, or did he ever fight against them when Israel lived in Heshbon and its villages, and Aroer and its villages, and in all the cities which are along by the borders of Arnon, for three hundred years? Why then did you not deliver them in that time? So I have not sinned against you, but you do me wrong to war against me. The LORD, the Judge, will judge this day between the sons of Israel and the sons of Ammon. And the king of the sons of Ammon did not listen to the words of Jephthah which he sent to him.
Why? Pointless passage.
Then the Spirit of the LORD came on Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead passed over to the sons of Ammon. And Jephthah vowed a vow to the LORD, and said, If You will indeed give the sons of Ammon into my hand, then it shall be that whatever comes out from the doors of my house to meet me when I return in peace from the sons of Ammon, surely it shall belong to the LORD, or I will offer it up instead of a burnt offering. And Jephthah passed over to the sons of Ammon to fight against them. And the LORD delivered them into his hand. And he struck them from Aroer even until you come to Minnith, twenty cities, and to the meadow of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. So were the sons of Ammon subdued before the sons of Israel. And Jephthah came to Mizpeh to his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances. And she was his only child. Besides her he had neither son nor daughter. And it happened when he saw her, he tore his clothes and said, Alas, my daughter! You have brought me very low, and you are one of those who trouble me. For I have opened my mouth to the LORD, and I cannot go back. And she said to him, My father, you have opened your mouth to the Lord; do to me according to that which has come out of your mouth, because the LORD has taken vengeance for you upon your enemies, even of the sons of Ammon. And she said to her father, Let this thing be done for me. Let me alone two months, so that I may go up and down upon the mountains and weep for my virginity, I and my companions. And he said, Go. And he sent her away for two months. And she went with her companions and wept for her virginity upon the mountains. And it happened at the end of two months she returned to her father, who did to her his vow which he had vowed. And she knew no man. And it is a custom in Israel, that the daughters of Israel went yearly to tell again of the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite, four days in a year.
So, she is ok for being blood sacrificed because you promised the LORD??? Just run the fuck away. Then, in the end, HE FUCKING KILLS HER.
And the men of Ephraim were called together and went northward, and said to Jephthah, Why did you go over to fight against the sons of Ammon, and did not call us to go with you? We will burn your house upon you with fire. And Jephthah said to them, My people and I were at great strife with the sons of Ammon. And when I called you, you did not deliver me out of their hands. When I saw that you did not deliver me, I took my life in my hand and passed over against the sons of Ammon, and the LORD delivered them into my hand, and why have you come up against me, to fight against me today? And Jephthah called up all the men of Gilead and fought with Ephraim. And the men of Gilead struck Ephraim, because they said, You Gileadites are fugitives of Ephraim among the Ephraimites and among the Manassites. And the Gileadites took the fords of Jordan before the Ephraimites. And it happened that when one of those Ephraimites who had escaped said, Let me go over, the men of Gilead said to him, Are you an Ephraimite? And he said, No. And they said to him, Please say Shibboleth. And he said, Sibboleth, for he could not manage to pronounce it right. Then they took him and killed him at the passages of Jordan. And there fell at that time forty-two thousand of the Ephraimites. And Jephthah judged Israel six years. And Jephthah the Gileadite died, and was buried in one of the cities of Gilead.
Another 42,000 dead made up people.
And after him Ibzan of Bethlehem judged Israel. And he had thirty sons and thirty daughters whom he sent abroad, and took in thirty daughters from abroad for his sons. And he judged Israel seven years. Then Ibzan died, and was buried at Bethlehem. And after him Elon, a Zebulonite, judged Israel. And he judged Israel ten years. And Elon the Zebulonite died, and was buried in Aijalon, the land of Zebulun. And after him Abdon the son of Hillel, a Pirathonite, judged Israel. And he had forty sons and thirty grandsons, who rode on seventy ass colts. And he judged Israel eight years. And Abdon the son of Hillel the Pirathonite died, and was buried in Pirathon in the land of Ephraim, in the mount of the Amalekites.
So many kids. 60 kids????
And the sons of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD. And the LORD delivered them into the hands of the Philistines forty years. And there was a certain man of Zorah, of the family of the Danites, whose name was Manoah. And his wife was barren and did not bear. And the Angel of the LORD appeared to the woman and said to her, Behold now, you are barren and do not bear. But you shall conceive and bear a son. And now, please take heed, and do not drink wine nor strong drink, and do not eat any unclean thing. For lo, you shall conceive and bear a son. And no razor shall come upon his head. For the child shall be a Nazarite to God from the womb. And he shall begin to deliver Israel out of the hand of the Philistines. And the woman came and told her husband, saying, A man of God came to me, and His face was like the face of an Angel of God, very terrifying. But I did not ask Him where He came from, neither did He tell me His name. But He said to me, Behold, you shall conceive and bear a son. And now drink no wine nor strong drink, neither eat any unclean thing, for the boy shall be a Nazirite to God from the womb to the day of his death.
These seems like recycled material. With some reference to Nazirite, from way before. Somewhere in Genesis or Exodus.
And Manoah prayed to the LORD and said, O, my Lord, let the Man of God, whom You sent, come again to us and teach us what we shall do to the boy that shall be born. And God listened to the voice of Manoah, and the Angel of God came again to the woman as she sat in the field. But Manoah her husband was not with her. And the woman hurried and ran, and told her husband, and said to him, Behold, the Man has appeared to Me, the one who came to me the other day. And Manoah arose and went after his wife, and came to the Man, and said to Him, Are You the Man who spoke to the woman? And He said, I am. And Manoah said, Now let Your words come to pass. How shall we order the child, and what shall we do to him? And the Angel of the LORD said to Manoah, Of all that I said to the woman let her be careful. She may not eat of all that comes from the vine, neither let her drink wine nor strong drink, nor eat any unclean thing. Let her do all that I commanded her.
Just like the last passage.
And Manoah said to the Angel of the LORD, I pray You, let us keep You until we have made a kid ready for You. And the Angel of the LORD said to Manoah, Though you keep Me, I will not eat of your bread. And if you will offer a burnt offering, you must offer it to the LORD. For Manoah did not know that He was the Angel of the LORD. And Manoah said to the Angel of the LORD, What is Your name, so that when Your sayings come to pass we may do You honor? And the Angel of the LORD said to him, Why do you ask after My name in this way? Yea, it is Wonderful. And Manoah took a kid with a food offering, and offered it upon a rock to the LORD, and did wonderfully. And Manoah and his wife looked on. For it happened when the flame went up toward heaven from off the altar, the Angel of the LORD went up in the flame of the altar. And Manoah and his wife looked on it and fell on their faces to. the ground. But the Angel of the LORD did not appear any more to Manoah and to his wife. Then Manoah knew that He was an Angel of the LORD. And Manoah said to his wife, We shall surely die because we have seen God. But his wife said to him, If the LORD were pleased to kill us, He would not have received a burnt offering and a food offering at our hands, neither would He have showed us all these things, nor have told us such things as these at this time.
Wow, this is dragging on.
And the woman bore a son and called his name Samson. And the child grew, and the LORD blessed him. And the Spirit of the LORD began to move him at times in the camp of Dan between Zorah and Eshtaol.
Ah, she was the mother of Samson.
And Samson went down to Timnath, and saw a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And he came up and told his father and his mother, and said, I have seen a woman in Timnath of the daughters of the Philistines. And now get her for me for a wife. And his father and his mother said to him, Is there no woman among the daughters of your brothers, or among all my people, that you go to take a wife from the uncircumcised Philistines? And Samson said to his father, Get her for me, for she pleases me very much. But his father and his mother did not know that it was from the LORD, that He was looking for an occasion against the Philistines. For at that time the Philistines had the rule over Israel. And Samson and his father and his mother went down to Timnath. And they came to the vineyards of Timnath. And, behold, a young lion roared to meet him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and he tore it as he would have torn a kid; and nothing was in his hand. But he did not tell his father or his mother what he had done. And he went down and talked with the woman. And she pleased Samson very much. And after a time he returned to take her, and he turned aside to see the dead body of the lion. And behold! A swarm of bees and honey was in the dead body of the lion. And he took some of it in his hands, and went on eating, and came to his father and mother. And he gave to them, and they ate. But he did not tell them that he had taken the honey out of the dead body of the lion.
So, Samson wants to bang some chick, then then tears apart a lion! Then, he takes the chick (fuck?) then we get bees and honey from a lion corpse? The fuck?
And his father went down to the woman. And Samson made a feast there, for so the young men used to do. And it happened when they saw him, they brought thirty companions to be with him. And Samson said to them, I will now put forth a riddle to you. If you certainly tell it to me within the seven days of the feast, and find it out, then I will give you thirty linen blouses and thirty changes of garments. But if you cannot tell me, then you shall give me thirty linen blouses and thirty changes of garments. And they said to him, Put forth your riddle so that we may hear it. And he said to them, Out of the eater came forth food, and out of the strong came forth sweetness. And in three days they could not tell what the riddle. And it happened on the seventh day they said to Samson’s wife, Lure your husband so that he may tell the riddle to us, lest we burn you and your father’s house with fire. Have you called us to take what we have? Is it not so? And Samson’s wife wept before him, and said, You only hate me, and do not love me. You have put forth a riddle to the sons of my people, and have not told it to me. And he said to her, Behold, I have not told my father nor to my mother, and shall I tell you? And she wept before him the seven days, while their feast lasted. And on the seventh day, he told her, because she pressed hard upon him. And she told the riddle to the sons of her people. And the men of the city said to him on the seventh day before the sun went down, What is sweeter than honey, and what stronger than a lion? And he said to them, If you had not plowed with my heifer, you would not have found out my riddle. And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he went down to Ashkelon and killed thirty men of them, and took their spoil, and gave changes of garments to them who told what the riddle meant. And his anger was kindled, and he went up to his father’s house. But Samson’s wife was given to his companion, who had served as his friend.
This is really stupid.
And it happened afterward, in the days of wheat harvest, Samson visited his wife with a kid. And he said, I will go in to my wife into the room. But her father would not allow him to go in. And her father said, I truly thought that you utterly hated her, and I gave her to your companion. Is not her younger sister fairer than she is? Please, let her be for you instead of her. And Samson said concerning them, Now I shall be more blameless than the Philistines, though I do evil with them. And Samson went and caught three hundred foxes and took fire brands, and turned tail to tail, and put a fire brand in the middle between two tails. And he set the brands on fire, he let them go into the standing grain of the Philistines, and burned up both the shocks and also the standing grain, with the vineyards and olives. And the Philistines said, Who has done this? And they answered, Samson, the son-in-law of the Timnite, because he had taken his wife and given her to his companion. And the Philistines came up and burned her and her father with fire. And Samson said to them, Though you have done this, yet I will be avenged of you, and after that I will stop. And he struck them hip and thigh with a great slaughter. And he went down and lived in the top of the rock Etam.
What the fuck did this mean?
And the Philistines went up and pitched in Judah, and spread themselves in Lehi. And the men of Judah said, Why have you come up against us? And they answered, We have come up to bind Samson, to do to him as he has done to us. Then three thousand men of Judah went to the top of the rock Etam, and said to Samson, Do you not know that the Philistines are rulers over us? What have you done to us? And he said to them, As they have done to me, so I have done to them. And they said to him, We have come to bind you so that we may deliver you into the hands of the Philistines. And Samson said to them, Swear to me that you will not fall upon me yourselves. And they spoke to him, saying, No, but we will tie you up and deliver you into their hand. But surely we will not kill you. And they bound him with two new cords and brought him up from the rock. He came to Lehi, and the Philistines shouted against him. And the Spirit of the LORD came mightily upon him, and the cords on his arms became as flax that has been burned with fire, and his bands loosed from off his hands. And he found a new jawbone of an ass, and put forth his hand and took it, and killed a thousand men with it. And Samson said, With the jawbone of an ass, heaps upon heaps, with the jawbone of an ass I have killed a thousand men. And it happened when he had made an end of speaking, he threw away the jawbone out of his hand, and called that place Hill of the Jawbone.
He kills 1,000 men with the jawbone of an ass. Not the most ridiculous thing in this stupid book.
And he was very thirsty and called upon the LORD and said, You have given this great deliverance into the hand of Your servant. And now shall I die with thirst, and fall into the hand of the uncircumcised? But God cut open a hollow place and water came out there. And he drank, and his spirit came again, and he revived. Therefore, its name is called Fountain of the Praying One, which is in Lehi to this day. And he judged Israel in the days of the Philistines twenty years.
Yet another water from a rock miracle.
Then Samson went to Gaza. And he saw a harlot there, and went in to her. The Gazites were told, saying, Samson has come here. And they surrounded him and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, Until the light of the morning, then we shall kill him. And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took hold of the leaves of the gate of the city and the two posts, and picked them up, with the bar, and put them on his shoulders and carried them up to the top of a hill that is before Hebron.
Fucks a hooker until midnight, then walks off with a gate? Really?
And it happened afterwards, he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah. And the lords of the Philistines came up to her, and said to her, Lure him and see where his great strength lies, and by what means we may prevail against him, so that we may tie him to afflict him. And each one of us will give you eleven hundred pieces of silver. And Delilah said to Samson, Please tell me where your great strength lies, and with what you may be bound to afflict you. And Samson said to her, If they bind me with seven green cords that were never dried, then I shall be weak and be as another man. Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green cords which had not been dried, and she bound him with them. And the ambush was sitting for her in the inner room. And she said to him, The Philistines are upon you, Samson! And he broke the cords like a thread of tow when it smells fire. And his strength was not known. And Delilah said to Samson, Behold, you have mocked me and told me lies. Now, please, tell me with what you may be bound. And he said to her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that have never been used, then I shall be weak and be as another man. And Delilah took new ropes and bound him with them, and said to him, The Philistines are upon you, Samson! And the ambush was sitting for her in the inner room. And he broke them from off his arms like a thread. And Delilah said to Samson, You have mocked me until now, and told me lies. Tell me with what you may be bound. And he said to her, If you weave the seven locks of my head with the web. And she fastened it with the pin, and said to him, The Philistines are upon you, Samson! And He awakened out of his sleep, and pulled out the pin, the hand-loom and the web. And she said to him, How can you say, I love you, and your heart is not with me? You have mocked me these three times, and have not told me in what your great strength lies. And it happened because she distressed him with her words daily, and urged him; and his soul was grieved to death. And he told her all his heart, and said to her, A razor has not come on my hair, for I am a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If I am shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I will become weak and be like any man.
I can’t even comment on how stupid this passage is. Lie, fuck her, lies, fuck her, kinky bondage, fuck her, cut his hair? Become normal?
And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come this once, for he has showed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her, and brought silver in their hand. And she made him sleep upon her knees. And she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head. And she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him. And she said, The Philistines are upon you, Samson! And he awoke out of his sleep and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he did not know that the LORD had departed from him. And the Philistines took him and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass. And he ground in the prison house.
Fucked him, then shaved him, and he lost his super strength. So stupid.
However the hair of his head began to grow again after he had been shaven. Then the lords of the Philistines gathered in order to offer a great sacrifice to Dagon their god, and to rejoice. For they said, Our god has delivered Samson our enemy into our hand. And the people saw him and praised their god. For they said, Our god has delivered our enemy into our hand, and the destroyer of our country, who killed many of us. And when their hearts were merry, it happened that they said, Call for Samson and he will make sport for us. And they called for Samson out of the prison house. And he made sport for them, and they set him between the pillars. And Samson said to the lad who held him by the hand, Allow me to feel the pillars upon which the house stands, so that I may lean upon them. Now the house was full of men and women. And all the lords of the Philistines were there. And on the roof were about three thousand men and women who watched while Samson made sport. And Samson called to the LORD and said, O, Lord GOD, remember me, I pray You, and strengthen me, I pray You, only this once, O God, so that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes. And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was held up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left. And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself mightily, and the house fell upon the lords and upon all the people in it. So the dead whom he killed at his death were more than those he killed in his life. Then his brothers and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought him up and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the burying-place of Manoah his father. And he judged Israel twenty years.
Grows his hair back…knocks down a house and kills a bunch of people. So bizzare.
And there was a man of Mount Ephraim, and his name was Micah. And he said to his mother, The eleven hundred shekels of silver which were taken from you, about which you cursed, and spoke of also in my ears, behold, the silver is with me. Behold, I took it. And his mother said, Be blessed of the LORD, my son. And when he had given back the eleven hundred of silver to his mother, his mother said, I had wholly given the silver to the LORD from my hand for my son to make a graven image and a molten image. And now I am giving it to you. And he gave the money back to his mother. And his mother took two hundred shekels of silver and gave them to a refiner, who made of it an engraved image and a molten image. And they were in the house of Micah. And the man Micah had a house of gods, and made an ephod and household gods, and anointed one of his sons, who became his priest. In those days there was no king in Israel, but every man did that which was right in his eyes.
And there was a young man out of Bethlehem-judah of the family of Judah, and he was a Levite. And he stayed there. And the man went out of the city from Bethlehem-judah to live where he could find a place. And he came to Mount Ephraim to the house of Micah, as he journeyed. And Micah said to him, Where do you come from? And he said to him, I am a Levite of Bethlehem-judah, and I go to live where I may find a place. And Micah said to him, Live with me and be a father and a priest to me, and I will give you ten shekels of silver by the year, and a suit of clothes, and your food. And the Levite went in. And the Levite was content to live with the man, and the young man was to him as one of his sons. And Micah consecrated the Levite. And the young man became his priest, and was in the house of Micah. Then Micah said, Now I know that the LORD will do me good, since I have a Levite as my priest.
In those days no king was in Israel. And in those days the tribe of the Danites looked for an inheritance for them to live in. For to that day it had not fallen to them by inheritance among the tribes of Israel. And the sons of Dan sent from their family five men from their borders, men of war, from Zorah and from Eshtaol, to spy out the land and to search it. And they said to them, Go, search the land. And when they came to mount Ephraim to the house of Micah, they stayed there. When they were at the house of Micah, they knew the voice of the young man the Levite. And they turned in there, and said to him, Who brought you here? And what are you doing in this place? And what have you here? And he said to them, This is how Micah deals with me, and has hired me, and I am his priest. And they said to him, We pray you, Ask counsel of God so that we may know whether our way which we go shall be prosperous. And the priest said to them, Go in peace. Your way in which you go is before the LORD.
Nothing happens here.
And the five men departed and came to Laish, and saw the people in it, how they lived carelessly, as the Sidonians do, quiet and secure. And there was no judge in the land who might put them to shame in a thing. And they were far from the Sidonians, and had no business with any man. And they came to their brothers, to Zorah and Eshtaol. And their brothers said to them, What do you say? And they said, Arise, so that we may go up against them. For we have seen the land, and, behold, it is very good. And will you sit quietly? Do not be too lazy to go; enter to possess the land. When you go, you shall come to a people feeling safe, and to a large land. For God has given it into your hands, a place where there is no lack of anything in the earth. And six hundred men of the family of the Danites moved from there, out of Zorah and out of Eshtaol, girded with weapons of war. And they went up and pitched in Kirjath-jearim, in Judah. Therefore, they called that place A Camp of Dan to this day. Behold, it is behind Kirjath-jearim. And they passed from there to mount Ephraim and came to the house of Micah.
Still not much happening here.
Then the five men who went to spy out the country of Laish answered and said to their brothers, Did you know that there is in these houses an ephod, and household gods, and an engraved image and a molten image? And now consider what you have to do. And they turned in that way, and came to the house of the young man the Levite, to the house of Micah, and greeted him. And the six hundred men of the sons of Dan, girded with their weapons of war, stood by the entrance of the gate. And the five men who went up to spy out the land came in there, and took the engraved image and the ephod and the household gods, and the molten image. And the priest stood the entrance of the gate with the six hundred men who were dressed with weapons of war. And these went into Micah’s house and brought out the carved image, the ephod, and the household gods, and the molten image. And the priest said to them, What are you doing? And they said to him, Be quiet, lay your hand on your mouth and go with us, and be to us a father and a priest. Is it better for you to be a priest to the house of one man, or that you be a priest to a tribe and a family in Israel? And the priest’s heart was glad, and he took the ephod, and the household gods, and the carved image, and went in the midst of the people. And they turned and departed, and put the little ones and the cattle and the valuables before them. They had gone far away from the house of Micah, and the men in the houses near Micah’s house had been called together and had overtaken the sons of Dan. And they cried to the sons of Dan. And they turned their faces and said to Micah, What ails you, that you have been called together? And he said, You have taken away my gods which I made, and the priest, and you have gone away. And what more do I have? And what is this you say to me, What ails you? And the sons of Dan said to him, Do not let your voice be heard among us, lest angry fellows run upon you and you lose your life with the lives of your household. And the sons of Dan went their way. And when Micah saw that they were too strong for him, he turned and went back to his house.
Steal a bunch of stuff?
And they took the things which Micah had made, and the priest whom he had, and came to Laish, to a people quiet and feeling safe. And they struck them with the edge of the sword and burned the city with fire. And there was no deliverer, because it was far from Sidon, and they had no business with any man. And it was in the valley that lies by Beth-rehob. And they built a city and lived in it. And they called the name of the city Dan, after the name of Dan their father, who was born to Israel. However the name of the city was Laish at the first. And the sons of Dan set up the engraved image. And Jonathan, the son of Gershom, the son of Manasseh, he and his sons were priests to the tribe of Dan until the day of the captivity of the land. And they set up Micah’s engraved image for themselves, the image which he made, all the time that the house of God was in Shiloh.
Ah, back to par for the course. Kill everyone and burn the city for worshiping a ‘false’ god.
And it happened in those days, no king being in Israel, there was a certain Levite residing on the far side of Mount Ephraim, who took to him a concubine out of Bethlehem-judah. And his concubine played the harlot against him, and went away from him to her father’s house to Bethlehem-judah, and was there four whole months. And her husband arose and went after her, to speak friendly to her, to bring her again, having his servant with him and a couple of asses. And she brought him into her father’s house. And when the father of the girl saw him, he rejoiced to meet him. And his father-in-law, the girl’s father, kept him. And he stayed with him three days. So they ate and drank and stayed there. And it happened on the fourth day when they arose early in the morning, he rose up to leave. And the girl’s father said to his son-in-law, Comfort your heart with a piece of bread, and afterward go your way. And they sat down and ate and drank, both of them together, for the girl’s father had said to the man, Please be content, and stay all night, and let your heart be merry. And when the man rose up to leave, his father-in-law urged him, and he stayed there again. And he rose early in the morning on the fifth day to leave. And the girl’s father said, Please comfort your heart. And they stayed till afternoon, and both of them ate. And when the man rose up to leave, he and his concubine, and his servant, his father-in-law, the girl’s father said to him, Behold, now the day draws toward evening. Please stay all night. Behold, the day grows to an end. Stay here so that your heart may be merry. And tomorrow go early on your way, so that you may go to your tent. But the man would not stay that night, but he rose up and left, and came over against Jebus, which is Jerusalem. And there were with him two saddled asses. His concubine also was with him. They were beside Jebus, and the day was far gone. And the servant said to his master, Please come, and let us turn in to this city of the Jebusites and stay in it. And his master said to him, We will not turn aside here into the city of a stranger that is not of the sons of Israel. We will pass over to Gibeah. And he said to his servant, Come and let us draw near one of these places to stay all night, in Gibeah or in Ramah. And they passed on and went their way. And the sun went down on them beside Gibeah, which is of Benjamin. And they turned aside there, to go in and to lodge in Gibeah. And he went in and sat down in a street of the city. For no man took them into his house to stay the night.
And behold, there came an old man from his work out of the field at evening, who was also from mount Ephraim. And he lived in Gibeah, but the men of the place were of Benjamin. And when he had lifted up his eyes, he saw a traveler in the streets of the city. And the old man said, Where do you go, and where do you come from? And he said to him, We are passing from Bethlehem-judah to the side of mount Ephraim. I am from there, and I went to Bethlehem-judah, but I am going to the house of the LORD. And there is no man who receives me into his house. Yet here is both straw and food for our asses. And there is bread and wine also for me, and for your slave woman, and for the young man who is with your servants. There is no lack of anything. And the old man said, Peace be with you. Yet all that you lack shall be on me. Only do not stay in the street. And he brought him into his house and mixed fodder for the asses. And they washed their feet, and ate and drank.
These nameless people are an odd addition to this part of the bible. Also, sex slave.
They were making their hearts merry. And, behold, the men of the city, certain sons of Belial, set upon the house all around and beat at the door and spoke to the master of the house, the old man, saying, Bring out the man that came to your house so that we may know him. And the man, the master of the house, went out to them and said to them, No, my brothers, I pray you, do not do evil, since this man has come into my house. Do not do this foolish sin. Behold, my daughter, a virgin, and his concubine. I will bring them out now, and you humble them and do with them what seems good to you. But do not do so vile a thing to this man. But the men would not listen to him. And the man took his concubine and brought her out to them. And they knew her and rolled themselves on her all night until the morning. And they sent her away at the dawning of the day. And the woman came, in the dawning of the day, and fell down at the door of the man’s house where her lord was, until it was light. And her lord rose up in the morning and opened the doors of the house and went out to go his way. And behold, the woman, his concubine, had fallen down at the door of the house, and her hands were upon the threshold. And he said to her, Up, and let us be going. But there was no answer. Then the man took her on an ass, and the man rose up and went to his place. And he came into his house, he took a knife and laid hold on his concubine, and divided her, with her bones, into twelve pieces and sent her into all the borders of Israel. And it was so that all that saw it said, There was no such deed done nor seen from the day that the sons of Israel came up out of the land of Egypt to this day. Think of it, take advice and speak.
A, somehow, darker version of the story of Sodom. This time, the concubine is tossed to be gang raped ALL NIGHT until she is dead. Then HE CUTS HER INTO 12 PIECES and sends them off to the corners of Israel. What the fuck!!! How? How? How is this a moral lesson?
Then all the sons of Israel went out, and the congregation was gathered together as one man, from Dan even to Beer-sheba, with the land of Gilead, to the LORD in Mizpeh. And the leader of all the people, of all the tribes of Israel, presented themselves in the assembly of the people of God, four hundred thousand footmen that drew sword. And the sons of Benjamin heard that the sons of Israel had gone up to Mizpeh. And the sons of Israel said, Speak. How did this evil happen? And the Levite, the husband of the woman who was slain, answered and said, I came into Gibeah of Benjamin to stay the night, my concubine and I. And the men of Gibeah rose against me and set upon the house all around me at night. They intended to kill me. And they raped my concubine, and she is dead. And I took my concubine and cut her in pieces, and sent her throughout all the land of the inheritance of Israel. For they have committed evil and folly in Israel. Behold, you are all sons of Israel. Give here your advice and counsel. And all people rose as one man, saying, Let no man go to his tent, and do not let any of us turn to his house. And now this is the thing which we will do to Gibeah, going against it by lot. and we will take ten men of a hundred of all the tribes of Israel, and a hundred of a thousand, and a thousand out of ten thousand, to bring food for the people, so that when they come to Gibeah of Benjamin, they may do according to all the folly which they have done in Israel. And every man of Israel was gathered against the city, all together as one man.
Sound like he is organizing an angry mob?
And the tribes of Israel sent men through all the tribe of Benjamin saying, What wickedness is this that is done among you? Now, therefore, deliver the men, the sons of Belial, who are in Gibeah, so that we may put them to death and put away evil from Israel. But Benjamin would not listen to the voice of their brothers, the sons of Israel. And the sons of Benjamin gathered out of the cities to Gibeah, to go out to battle against the sons of Israel. And the sons of Benjamin were numbered on that day out of the cities twenty-six thousand men who drew sword, besides the inhabitants of Gibeah, who were numbered seven hundred chosen men. Among all this people were seven hundred chosen men, left-handed. Every one could sling stones at a hair’s breadth, and not miss. And the men of Israel, besides Benjamin, were numbered four hundred thousand men who drew sword. All these were men of war.
A bunch of sword waving going on here.
And the sons of Israel rose and went up to the house of God and asked counsel of God, and said, Which of us shall go up first to the battle against the sons of Benjamin? And the LORD said, Judah first. And the sons of Israel rose up early in the morning, and camped against Gibeah. And the men of Israel went out to battle against Benjamin. And the men of Israel put themselves in order, ready to fight against them at Gibeah And the sons of Benjamin came forth out of Gibeah and destroyed to the earth twenty-two thousand men of the Israelites that day. And the people, the men of Israel, encouraged themselves and set their battle in order again in the place where they put themselves in order the first day. And the sons of Israel went up and wept before the LORD until evening, and asked counsel from the LORD saying, Shall I go up again to battle against the sons of Benjamin my brother? And the LORD said, Go up against him. And the sons of Israel came near against the sons of Benjamin the second day. And Benjamin went forth to meet them again from Gibeah the second day and again destroyed to the earth eighteen thousand men of the sons of Israel. All these drew the sword.
God directly answers questions now.
And all the sons of Israel, and all the people, went up and came into the house of God, and wept, and sat there before the LORD and fasted that day until evening, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD. And the sons of Israel inquired of the LORD (for the ark of the covenant of God was there in those days, and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the son of Aaron stood before it in those days,) saying, Shall I yet again go out to battle against the sons of Benjamin my brother, or shall I stop? And the LORD said, Go up, for tomorrow I will deliver them into your hand. And Israel set ambushers all around Gibeah. And the sons of Israel went up against the sons of Benjamin on the third day, and put themselves in order against Gibeah, as at other times. And the sons of Benjamin went out against the people, and were drawn away from the city. And they began to strike some of the people and to kill, as at other times, in the highways– one of which goes up to the house of God, and the other to Gibeah in the field– about thirty men of Israel. And the sons of Benjamin said, They are beaten before us as at the first. But the sons of Israel said, Let us flee and draw them from the city to the highways. And all the men of Israel rose up out of their place and marshalled at Baal-tamar. And the ambush of Israel broke forth from their place, from the plains of Gibeah. And there came against Gibeah ten thousand chosen men out of all Israel, and the battle was heavy. But they did not know that evil was near them. And the LORD struck Benjamin before Israel. And the sons of Israel destroyed in Benjamin twenty-five thousand and a hundred men that day. All these drew the sword. So the sons of Benjamin saw that they were beaten. For the men of Israel gave place to Benjamin because they trusted to the ambush which they had set against Gibeah. And the ambush hurried and rushed against Gibeah. And the ambush marched and struck all the city with the edge of the sword. And a sign was set between the men of Israel and the ambush, caused go up a great smoke rising up from the city. And when the men of Israel retired in the battle, Benjamin began to strike and kill of the men of Israel about thirty persons. For they said, Surely they are stricken down before us as in the first battle. And the rising of a pillar of smoke began to go up out of the city. And Benjamin turned behind them, and behold, the whole city had gone up toward the heavens. And the men of Israel turned again, and the men of Benjamin were amazed. For they saw that evil had touched them. And they turned before the men of Israel, to the way of the wilderness. But the battle overtook them. And those who came out of the cities they destroyed in the midst of them. They encircled Benjamin and they chased them without rest, and trod them down until they were against Gibeah toward the sunrise. And there fell from Benjamin eighteen thousand. All these were men of war. And they turned and fled toward the wilderness to the rock of Rimmon. And they gleaned of them in the highways five thousand men, and pursued hard after them to Gidom and killed two thousand men of them. So that all who fell that day of Benjamin were twenty-five thousand men who drew the sword. All of these were men of war. But six hundred men turned and fled to the wilderness, to the rock Rimmon, and they stayed in the rock Rimmon four months. And the sons of Israel turned again to the sons of Benjamin and struck them with the edge of the sword, from the entire city to livestock, to all that was found. Also they set on fire all the cities that they came to.
Death and what sounds like a huge explosion?
And the men of Israel had sworn in Mizpeh, saying, Not one of us shall give his daughter to Benjamin for a wife. And the people came to the house of God and stayed there until evening before God, and lifted up their voice and wept grievously, and said, O, LORD God of Israel, Why has this happened in Israel, that there should be today one tribe lacking in Israel? And it happened on the next day the people rose early and built there an altar, and offered burnt offerings and peace offerings. And the sons of Israel said, Who is there among all the tribes of Israel that did not come up with the congregation to the LORD? For they had made a great oath concerning him who did not come up to the LORD to Mizpeh, saying, He shall surely be put to death. And the sons of Israel repented themselves for Benjamin their brother, and said, There is one tribe cut off from Israel this day. What shall we do for wives for those who are left, since we have sworn by the LORD that we will not give them of our daughters for wives? And they said, What one is there of the tribes of Israel that did not come up to Mizpeh to the LORD? And, behold, there came none to the camp from Jabesh-gilead to the assembly. For the people were numbered, and behold, none of the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead were there. And the congregation sent there twelve thousand men of the most valiant, and commanded them, saying, Go, and you shall strike the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead with the sword, with the women and the sons. And this is the thing that you shall do. You shall utterly destroy every male and every woman who has lain with man. And they found among the inhabitants of Jabesh-gilead four hundred young virgins who had known no man by lying with any male. And they brought them to the camp to Shiloh, which is in the land of Canaan. And the whole congregation sent to speak to the sons of Benjamin who were in the rock Rimmon, and to call peaceably to them. And Benjamin came again at that time. And they gave them wives whom they had saved alive, of the women of Jabesh-gilead. And yet so they were not enough for them. And the people repented themselves for Benjamin, because the LORD had made a break in the tribes of Israel.
Wow, the Bible has no regard for woman and super rapey. Women are nothing more than spoils of war.
And the elders of the congregation said, What shall we do for wives for those who are left, since the women are destroyed out of Benjamin? And they said, There must be an inheritance for those of Benjamin who have escaped, so that a tribe may not be destroyed out of Israel. However, we may not give them wives of our daughters. For the sons of Israel have sworn, saying, Cursed is he who gives a wife to Benjamin. Then they said, Behold, there is a feast of the LORD in Shiloh yearly on the north side of Bethel, on the east side of the highway that goes up from Bethel to Shechem, and on the south of Lebonah. And they commanded the sons of Benjamin, saying, Go and lie in wait in the vineyards, and see, and behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in dances, then you come out of the vineyards and catch you a wife for every man from the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin. And it shall be, when their fathers or their brothers come to us to complain, we will say to them, Be favorable to them for our sakes, because we did not reserve each man a wife in the war. For if you did not give to them at this time, you would be guilty. And the sons of Benjamin did so, and took wives according to their number, from those that danced, whom they caught. And they went and returned to their inheritance, and repaired the cities and lived in them. And the sons of Israel departed from there at that time, each man to his tribe and to his family. And they went out from there every man to his inheritance. In those days there was no king in Israel. Every man did the right in his own eyes.
This was just a bizarre book of the Bible. Not much really happened, other than a shit ton of death and rape and pillage and rape. This book is not suitable for children.