And king David was old, going on in days. And they covered him with clothes, but he got no heat. And his servants said to him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin. And let her stand before the king, and let her nurse him, and let her lie in your bosom, so that my lord the king may get heat. And they sought out a beautiful girl throughout all the borders of Israel, and found Abishag, a Shunammite. And they brought her to the king. And the girl was very beautiful. And she nursed the king and served him. But the king did not know her.
That’s sweet, I guess. A hot virgin to keep David warm, but he did not ‘know’ her in the Biblical sense.
And Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, I will be king. And he prepared himself chariots and horsemen, and fifty men to run before him. And his father had not displeased him at any time, saying, Why have you done so? And he also was very good of form, and his mother bore him after Absalom. And he talked with Joab the son of Zeruiah, and with Abiathar the priest. And they helped Adonijah, following him. But Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and Nathan the prophet, and Shimei, and Rei, and David’s mighty men, were not with Adonijah. And Adonijah killed sheep and oxen and fat cattle by the Stone of Serpents, which is by En-rogel, and called all his brothers, the king’s sons, and all the men of Judah, the king’s servants. But he did not call Nathan the prophet and Benaiah and the mighty men, and Solomon his brother.
Ok. Adonijah will be a character to follow? I doubt it.
And Nathan spoke to Bathsheba the mother of Solomon, saying, Have you not heard that Adonijah the son of Haggith reigns, and David our lord does not know? And now come, please let me give you counsel, and save your own life and the life of your son Solomon. Go up and go in to king David, and say to him, My lord, O king, did you not swear to your handmaid, saying, Surely your son Solomon shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? Why then does Adonijah reign? Behold, while you are still talking with the king, I also will come in after you and confirm your words. And Bathsheba went in to the king into the room. And the king was very old, and Abishag the Shunammite served the king. And Bathsheba bowed and knelt before the king. And the king said, What shall I do for you? And she said to him, My lord, you swore by the LORD your God to your handmaid, saying, Surely your son Solomon shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne. And now, behold, Adonijah reigns. And now, my lord, you do not know. And he has slain oxen and fat cattle and sheep in abundance, and has called all the sons of the king, and Abiathar the priest, and Joab the commander of the army. But he has not called your servant Solomon. And you, my lord, O king, the eyes of all Israel are upon you, that you should tell them who shall sit upon the throne of my lord the king after him. And it will be, when my lord the king shall sleep with his fathers, my son Solomon and I shall be offenders. And lo, she was still talking with the king, and Nathan the prophet came in. And they told the king, saying, Behold, Nathan the prophet. And he came in before the king, and bowed before the king with his face to the ground. And Nathan said, My lord, O king, have you said, Adonijah shall reign after me, and he shall sit upon my throne? For he has gone down this day, and has killed a great many of oxen and fat cattle and sheep, and has called all the king’s sons and the commanders of the army, and Abiathar the priest. And behold, they eat and drink before him, and say, Let king Adonijah live. But he has not called me, your servant, and Zadok the priest, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and your servant Solomon. Is this thing done by my lord the king, and have you not shown your servant who should sit on the throne of my lord the king after him? And David answered and said, Call Bathsheba. And she came into the king’s presence, and stood before the king. And the king swore, and said, As the LORD lives, who has redeemed my soul out of all distress, surely as I swore to you by the LORD God of Israel, saying, Surely Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne in my place, even so I will do today. And Bathsheba bowed her face to the earth, even kneeling to the king, and said, Let my lord king David live forever.
The style of this book is a lot different and very very verbose. Not much happening here.
And king David said, Call Zadok the priest to me, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada. And they came before the king. The king also said to them, Take with you the servants of your lord, and cause Solomon my son to ride on my own mule, and bring him down to Gihon. And let Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anoint him king over Israel there. And blow with the ram’s horn, and say, Let king Solomon live. And you shall come up after him, and let him come and sit upon my throne. For he shall reign in my place. And I have appointed him to be ruler over Israel and over Judah. And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada answered the king, and said, amen. May the LORD God of my lord the king say so. As the LORD has been with my lord the king, even so may He be with Solomon, and make his throne greater than the throne of my lord king David. And Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites and the Pelethites, went down and caused Solomon to ride upon king David’s mule, and brought him to Gihon. And Zadok the priest took a horn of oil out of the Tabernacle and anointed Solomon. And they blew the ram’s horn, and all the people said, Let king Solomon live! And all the people came up after him, and the people piped with pipes, and rejoiced with great joy, so that the earth was torn with their sound.
Solomon declared next king?
And Adonijah heard, and all the invited guests with him. And they stopped eating. And Joab heard the sound of the ram’s horn, and said, What is this noise roaring from the city? And he was still speaking, and behold, Jonathan the son of Abiathar the priest came. And Adonijah said to him, Come in, for you are a mighty man and you bring good news. And Jonathan answered and said to Adonijah, Truly our lord king David has made Solomon king. And the king has sent with him Zadok the priest, and Nathan the prophet, and Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and the Cherethites, and the Pelethites, and they have caused him to ride upon the king’s mule. And Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet have anointed him king in Gihon. And they have come up from there rejoicing, so that the city is roaring. This is the noise that you heard. And also Solomon sits on the throne of the kingdom. And also the king’s servants came to bless our lord king David, saying, May God make the name of Solomon better than your name, and make his throne greater than your throne. And the king bowed himself upon the bed. And also the king said, Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who has given one to sit on my throne today, my eyes even seeing it. And all those who were invited by Adonijah trembled and arose and left, each to his way. And Adonijah feared because of Solomon, and arose and went and caught hold on the horns of the altar. And it was told to Solomon, saying, Behold, Adonijah fears king Solomon. For, lo, he has caught hold on the horns of the altar, saying, Let king Solomon swear to me today that he will not kill his servant with the sword. And Solomon said, If he becomes a son of virtue, not a hair of his head shall fall to the earth. But if wickedness shall be found in him, then he shall die. And king Solomon sent, and they brought him down from the altar. And he came and bowed himself to king Solomon. And Solomon said to him, Go to your house.
So Solomon will be king. And David is still alive. Thought he spoke his last words in the last book.
And the days of David drew near for him to die. And he charged Solomon his son, saying, I go the way of all the earth. And you be strong and show yourself a man. And keep the charge of the LORD your God, to walk in His ways, to keep His statutes, and His commandments, and His judgments, and His testimonies, as it is written in the law of Moses, so that you may prosper in all that you do and wherever you turn yourself, that the LORD may continue His word which He spoke concerning me, saying, If your sons take heed to their way, to walk before Me in truth with all their heart and with all their soul saying, there shall not be a man of yours cut off from the throne of Israel. And also you know what Joab the son of Zeruiah did to me, what he did to the two commanders of the armies of Israel, to Abner the son of Ner, and to Amasa the son of Jether, that he murdered them, and shed the blood of war in peace, and put the blood of war upon his girdle on his loins, and in his shoes on his feet. And you shall do according to your wisdom and shall not let his gray head go down to the grave in peace. But show kindness to the sons of Barzillai the Gileadite, and let them be of those that eat at your table. For so they came to me when I fled because of Absalom your brother. And, behold, with you is Shimei the son of Gera, a Benjamite of Bahurim, who cursed me with a grievous curse in the day when I went to Mahanaim. But he came down to meet me at Jordan, and I swore to him by the LORD, saying, I will not put you to death with the sword. And now, do not hold him guiltless. For you are a wise man, and you know what you ought to do to him. But bring his gray head down to the grave with blood. And David slept with his fathers, and was buried in the city of David. And the days that David reigned over Israel were forty years. He reigned seven years in Hebron, and he reigned thirty-three years in Jerusalem.
Holy shit that is a long life, I really doubt he lived this long. 40+7+35 years ruling as king?? 82 years as king, which means he was over 100.
And Solomon sat upon the throne of David his father. And his kingdom was firmly established. And Adonijah the son of Haggith came to Bathsheba the mother of Solomon. And she said, Do you come peacefully? And he said, Peace. And he said, I have a word to say to you. And she said, Speak. And he said, You know that the kingdom was mine, and that all Israel set their faces on me that I should reign. However, the kingdom is turned around, and has become my brother’s. For it was his from the LORD. And now I ask one favor of you; do not turn away your face. And she said to him, Speak. And he said, Please speak to Solomon the king, for he will not turn away your face, that he give me Abishag the Shunammite for my wife. And Bathsheba said, Very well; I will speak for you to the king. And Bathsheba came in to king Solomon to speak to him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her, and bowed himself to her, and sat on his throne, and caused a throne to be set for the king’s mother. And she sat on his right hand. And she said, I desire one small favor of you. Do not turn away my face. And the king said to her, Ask on, my mother, for I will not turn away your face. And she said, Let Abishag the Shunammite be given to your brother Adonijah for a wife. And king Solomon answered and said to his mother, And why do you ask Abishag the Shunammite for Adonijah? Ask the kingdom also for him. For he is my older brother! Even for him, and for Abiathar the priest, and for Joab the son of Zeruiah! And king Solomon swore by the LORD, saying, May God do so to me, and more He shall do, if Adonijah has not spoken this word against his life. And now, as the LORD lives, who has established me and set me on the throne of David my father, and who has made me a house, as He spoke, Adonijah shall be put to death today. And king Solomon sent by the hand of Benaiah the son of Jehoiada. And he fell on him so that he died.
Knew it, Adonijah would be a pointless character.
And the king said to Abiathar the priest, Go to Anathoth, to your fields, for you are worthy of death. But I will not put you to death at this time, because you carried the ark of the Lord God before David my father, and because you have been afflicted in all that in which my father was afflicted. And Solomon thrust out Abiathar from being priest to the LORD, so that he might fulfil the word of the LORD which He spoke concerning the house of Eli in Shiloh. And the report came to Joab. For Joab had turned after Adonijah, though he did not turn after Absalom. And Joab fled to the tabernacle of the LORD, and caught hold on the horns of the altar. And it was told king Solomon that Joab had fled to the tabernacle of the LORD, and, behold, he is by the altar. And Solomon sent Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, saying, Go fall on him. And Benaiah came to the tabernacle of the LORD, and said to him, So says the king, come forth! And he said, No, but I will die here. And Benaiah brought the king word again, saying, Thus said Joab, and so he answered me. And the king said to him, Do as he has said, and fall on him, and bury him, so that you may take away the innocent blood which Joab shed, from me and from the house of my father. And the LORD shall return his blood on his own head, who fell on two men more righteous and better than he, and killed them with the sword, and my father David not knowing of it, Abner the son of Ner, commander of the army of Israel, and Amasa the son of Jether, commander of the army of Judah. Yea, He shall turn back their blood on the head of Joab, and on the head of his seed forever. But on David, and on his seed, and on his house, and on his throne, there shall be peace forever from the LORD. And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada went up and fell on him and killed him. And he was buried in his own house in the wilderness.
Pointless character, with no development.
And the king put Benaiah the son of Jehoiada over the army in his place. And the king put Zadok the priest in the place of Abiathar. And the king sent and called for Shimei, and said to him, Build a house at Jerusalem and live there, and do not go forth from there anywhere. For it shall be, on the day you go out and pass over the Kidron, you shall know for certain that you shall surely die. Your blood shall be on your own head. And Shimei said to the king, Your saying is good. As my lord the king has said, so will your servant do. And Shimei lived in Jerusalem many days. And it happened at the end of three years, two of the servants of Shimei ran away to Achish son of Maachah, king of Gath. And they told Shimei, saying, Behold, your servants are in Gath. And Shimei arose and saddled his ass, and went to Gath to Achish to seek his servants. And Shimei went and brought his servants from Gath. And it was told Solomon that Shimei had gone from Jerusalem to Gath, and had come again. And the king sent and called for Shimei and said to him, Did I not make you swear by the LORD, and warn you, saying, In the day you go out, and you have gone anywhere, you certainly shall know that you shall surely die? And you said to me, The word I have heard is good. Why then have you not kept the oath of the LORD and the command that I have charged you with? And the king said to Shimei, You know all the wickedness that your heart knows, what you did to David my father. And the LORD shall return your wickedness on your own head. And king Solomon shall be blessed, and the throne of David shall be established before the LORD forever. And the king commanded Benaiah the son of Jehoiada, and he went out and fell on him so that he died. And the kingdom was made sure in the hand of Solomon.
Another pointless character.
And Solomon made an alliance by marriage with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh’s daughter and brought her into the city of David until he finished building his own house, and the house of the LORD, and the wall around Jerusalem. Only the people sacrificed in high places because there was no house built to the name of the LORD until those days. And Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father. Only he sacrificed and burnt incense in high places. And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there. For that was the great high place. Solomon offered a thousand burnt offerings on that altar.
I thought Jews were not supposed to marry foreigners. In this case, he marries and Egyptian for political reasons. I thought the Lord delivered them from the Egyptians. Why do you need this marriage? Also, all these offerings in high places. Another thing, why are there statues of David? Aren’t those idols?
In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night. And God said, Ask what I shall give you! And Solomon said, You have shown to Your servant David my father great mercy, according as he walked before You in truth and in righteousness and in uprightness of heart with You. And You have kept this great kindness for him, that You have given him a son to sit on his throne, as it is today. And now, O LORD my God, You have made Your servant king instead of David my father. And I am a little child; I do not know to go out or come in! And Your servant is in the midst of Your people whom You have chosen, a numerous people who cannot be numbered nor counted for multitude. And give to Your servant an understanding heart, to judge Your people, to discern between good and bad. For who is able to judge this, Your great people? And the word was good in the eyes of the LORD, that Solomon had asked this thing. And God said to him, Because you have asked this thing, and have not asked for yourself long life, and have not asked riches for yourself, nor have asked the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to judge justly, behold, I have done according to your words. Lo, I have given you a wise and an understanding heart, so that there was none like you before you, and after you none shall arise like you. And I also have given you that which you have not asked, both riches and honor, so that there shall not be any among the kings like you all your days. And if you will walk in My ways, to keep My statutes and My commandments, as your father David walked, then I will lengthen your days. And Solomon awoke, and, behold, it was a dream. And he came to Jerusalem and stood before the ark of the covenant of the LORD and offered up burnt offerings, and offered peace offerings, and made a feast to all his servants.
God speaks in dreams now. Guess what? Dreams aren’t real.
Then there came two women, harlots, to the king, and stood before him. And the one woman said, O my lord, this woman and I live in one house. And I was bore a child with her in the house. And it happened the third day after I gave birth, this woman bore a child also. And we were together; there was no stranger with us in the house, except the two of us in the house. And this woman’s child died in the night, because she laid on it. And she arose at midnight and took my son from beside me, while your servant was sleeping, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom. When I arose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead. And when I had looked at it in the morning, behold, it was not my son whom I bore. And the other woman said, No, but the living is my son, and the dead is your son. And this one said, No, but the dead is your son, and the living is my son. So they spoke before the king. And the king said, The one says, This is my son who lives, and your son is the dead. And the other says, No, but your son is the dead, and my son is the living. And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one and half to the other. And the woman whose son was the living child said to the king, for her womb yearned over her son. And she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no way kill it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor yours; divide it! And the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no way kill it. She is the mother of it. And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged. And they feared the king, for they saw that the wisdom of God was in him to do judgment.
So your wisdom is to CUT A BABY IN HALF? I guess he is just tying to make a point and was able to really know who the mother was. Odd.
And king Solomon was king over all Israel. And these were the rulers which he had: Azariah the son of Zadok the priest, Elihoreph and Ahiah, the sons of Shisha were the scribes. Jehoshaphat the son of Ahilud the recorder, And Benaiah the son of Jehoiada was over the army. And Zadok and Abiathar were priests. And Azariah the son of Nathan was over the officers, and Zabud the son of Nathan was the minister and the king’s friend. And Ahishar was over the household. And Adoniram the son of Abda was over the forced labor. And Solomon had twelve officers over all Israel, who provided food for the king and his household. Each man had his month in a year to provide food. These are their names: the son of Hur in Mount Ephraim; the son of Dekar in Makaz and in Shaalbim, and Beth-shemesh, and Elon-beth-hanan; the son of Hesed, in Aruboth; to him was Sochoh and all the land of Hepher; the son of Abinadab in all the height of Dor, Taphath the daughter of Solomon was a wife to him; Baana the son of Ahilud to whom was Taanach and Megiddo, and all Beth-shean, which is by Zartanah below Jezreel, from Beth-shean to Abel-meholah to the place that is beyond Jokneam; the son of Geber in Ramoth-gilead; to him were the towns of Jair, Manasseh’s son, which are in Gilead; to him was the region of Argob, which is in Bashan, sixty great cities with walls and bronze bars; Ahinadab the son of Iddo had Mahanaim; Ahimaaz was in Naphtali; he also took Basemath the daughter of Solomon for a wife; Baanah the son of Hushai was in Asher and in Aloth; Jehoshaphat the son of Paruah was in Issachar; Shimei the son of Elah was in Benjamin; Geber the son of Uri was in the land of Gilead, the land of Sihon king of the Amorites, and Og king of Bashan; and he was the only officer in the land;
List of boring names that don’t matter. Still, forced labor mixed in there.
Judah and Israel were many, as the sand by the sea in multitude; eating and drinking and making merry. And Solomon reigned over all kingdoms from the River to the land of the Philistines, and to the border of Egypt. They brought presents and served Solomon all the days of his life. And Solomon’s food for one day was thirty measures of fine flour and sixty measures of meal, ten fat oxen and twenty oxen out of the pastures, and a hundred sheep, besides harts and roebucks, and fallow deer, and fattened fowl. For he had the rule over all on this side of the River, from Tiphsah even to Azzah, over all the kings on this side the River. And he had peace on all sides all around him. And Judah and Israel lived safely, every man under his vine and under his fig-tree, from Dan even to Beer-sheba, all the days of Solomon. And Solomon had forty thousand stalls of horses for his chariots, and twelve thousand horsemen. And those officers provided food for king Solomon and for all who came to king Solomon’s table, every man in his month. They did not lack anything. They also brought barley and straw for the horses and mules, to the place where the officers were, every man according to his charge.
Time of plenty and an inventory.
And God gave Solomon exceeding great wisdom and understanding, and largeness of heart, even as the sand that is on the seashore. And Solomon’s wisdom was greater than the wisdom of all the sons of the east, and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than all men; than Ethan the Ezrahite, and Heman, and Chalcol, and Darda, the sons of Mahol. And his fame was in all nations all around. And he spoke three thousand proverbs, and his songs were a thousand and five. And he spoke of trees, from the cedar tree in Lebanon even to the hyssop that springs out of the wall. He spoke also of beasts and of birds, and of creeping things, and of fish. And there came from all the people, to hear the wisdom of Solomon, from all the kings of the earth, who had heard of his wisdom.
So he was the wisest man in history?
And Hiram king of Tyre sent his servants to Solomon, for he had heard that they had anointed him king instead of his father. For Hiram was always a lover of David. And Solomon sent to Hiram, saying, You know how David my father could not build a house to the name of the LORD his God because of the wars which were around him on every side, until the LORD put them under the soles of his feet. But now the LORD my God has given me rest all around. There is no foe nor evil happening. And behold, I purpose to build a house to the name of the LORD my God, as the LORD spoke to David my father, saying, Your son whom I will set on your throne in your place; he shall build a house to My name. And now command that they cut me cedar trees out of Lebanon, and my servants shall be with your servants. And I will give you hire for your servants according to all that you shall say. For you know that not a man among us can cut timber like the Sidonians. And it happened when Hiram heard the words of Solomon, he rejoiced greatly and said, Blessed be the LORD this day, who has given David a wise son over this great people. And Hiram sent to Solomon saying, I have heard that for which you sent to me. I will do all your desire concerning timber of cedar, and concerning timber of fir. My servants shall bring them down from Lebanon to the sea. And I will bring them by sea in floats to the place that you shall name. And I will cause them to be left there, and you shall receive them. And you shall fulfill my desire in giving food for my household.
An entire section about lumber, exciting.
And Hiram gave Solomon cedar trees and fir trees, all his desire. And Solomon gave Hiram twenty thousand measures of wheat for food for his household, and twenty measures of pure oil. So Solomon gave to Hiram year by year. And the LORD gave Solomon wisdom, as He promised him. And there was peace between Hiram and Solomon. And the two of them made a treaty together. And king Solomon raised a levy out of all Israel. And the labor force was thirty thousand men. And he sent them to Lebanon, ten thousand a month, by courses. They were a month in Lebanon, and two months at home. And Adoniram was over the labor force. And Solomon had seventy thousand who bore burdens, and eighty thousand woodcutters in the mountains, besides the chief of Solomon’s overseers who were over the work, thirty-three hundred, who ruled over the people who labored in the work. And the king commanded, and they brought great stones, costly stones, cut stones, to lay the foundation of the house. And Solomon’s builders and Hiram’s builders and the Giblites cut out and prepared the timber and the stones to build the house.
Holy shit, they really are going to describe, with mundane details, the construction of this temple..hang on for an exciting ride.
And it happened in the four hundred and eightieth year after the sons of Israel had come out of the land of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon’s reign over Israel, in the month Zif, which is the second month, he began to build the house of the LORD. And the house which king Solomon built for the LORD, its length was sixty cubits and its breadth twenty cubits, and its height thirty cubits. And the porch before the temple of the house was twenty cubits in length, according to the breadth of the house. Ten cubits was its breadth on the front of the house. And for the house he made windows of narrow frames. And against the wall of the house he built floors all around, against the walls of the house all around, of the temple and of the sanctuary. And he made rooms all around. The lowest story was five cubits broad, and the middle was six cubits broad, and the third was seven cubits broad. For around the outside of the house he made narrowed ledges for the house all around, so as not to lay hold of the walls of the house. And when it was being built, the house was built of stone made ready beforehand. And there was not heard in the house a hammer or an axe, or any iron tool, while it was being built. The door for the middle story was in the right side of the house. And they went up with winding stairs into the middle story, and out of the middle into the third. And he built the house and finished it. And he covered the house with beams and rows of cedar. And he built the side-stories on all the house, five cubits high. And they rested on the house with timbers of cedar.
Took 30,000 men to build this palace, 4 to build Noah’s ark. This temple is actually smaller than the ark, by quite a bit, and it doesn’t have to float.
And the word of the LORD came to Solomon saying, As to this house which you are building, if you will walk in My statutes and do My judgments and keep all My commandments, to walk in them, then I will perform My work with you which I spoke to David your father. And I will live among the sons of Israel, and will not forsake My people Israel. And Solomon built the house and finished it.
I guess this is the first nice temple in Israel?
And he built the walls of the house inside with boards of cedar, from the floor of the house and the walls of the ceiling. He covered them on the inside with wood, and covered the floor of the house with planks of fir. And he built twenty cubits on the sides of the house, both the floor and the walls with boards of cedar. He even built them for it inside, for the sanctuary, for the Holy of Holies. And the house, that is, the temple before it, was forty cubits. And the cedar of the house inside was carved with gourds and open flowers. All was cedar; there was no stone seen. And he prepared the Holy of Holies in the house inside, to set there the ark of the covenant of the LORD. And the Holy of Holies in the front part was twenty cubits in length and twenty cubits in breadth, and twenty cubits in height. And he overlaid it with pure gold, and covered the altar of cedar. And Solomon overlaid the house inside with pure gold. And he drew chains of gold across before the Holy of Holies. And he overlaid it with gold. And he overlaid the whole house with gold, until he had finished all the house. Also all of the altar that belonged to the Holy of Holies, he overlaid with gold: And inside the Holy of Holies he made two cherubs of olive wood, ten cubits high. And one wing of the cherub was five cubits, and the other wing of the cherub was five cubits; ten cubits from the ends of its wings even to the ends of its wings. And the other cherub was ten cubits. Both the cherubs were of one measure and one size. The height of the one cherub was ten cubits, and so was the other cherub. And he set the cherubs inside the inner house. And they stretched forth the wings of the cherubs so that the wing of the one touched the one wall and the wing of the other cherub touched the other wall. And their wings touched one another in the midst of the house. And he overlaid the cherubs with gold. And he carved all the walls of the house all around with carved figures of cherubs and palm trees and open flowers, inside and out. And the floor of the house was overlaid with gold inside and out. As to the entrance of the holy place he made doors of olive wood. The lintel and side posts were a fifth part, and the two doors were of olive wood. And he carved on them carvings of cherubs and palm trees and open flowers, and overlaid them with gold and spread gold on the cherubs and on the palm trees. So also he made side posts for the entrance of the temple from the olive tree, a fourth part. And the two doors were of fir tree. The two leaves of the one door were folding, and the two leaves of the other door were folding. And he carved on them cherubs and palm trees and open bowers. And he covered them with gold fitted on the carved work. And he built the inner court with three rows of cut stone, and a row of cedar beams. In the fourth year, in the month Zif, the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid. And in the eleventh year, in the month Bul, which is the eighth month, the house was finished as to all its parts, and as to all its plans. So he was seven years in building it.
I guess this is what you had to do before illustrations. Described in painful detail. Getting back to Noah’s ark, this temple took, at least, 70,000 man years of labor. 10,000×7 years. The ark had 4 people for 100 years, so 400 man years. Noah and his 3 man crew should of taken 175 TIMES longer to build the ark or 17,500 years.
And Solomon was thirteen years building his own house. And he finished all his house. And he built the house of the forest of Lebanon. Its length was a hundred cubits, and its breadth fifty cubits, and its height thirty cubits, on four rows of cedar pillars, with cedar beams on the pillars. And it was covered with cedar above on the beams that lay on forty-five pillars, fifteen in a row. And windows were in three rows, and light was against light in three rows. And all the doors and posts were square, with the windows. And the front of a window was against a window in three rows. And he made a porch of pillars. Its length was fifty cubits, and its breadth thirty cubits. And the porch was before them, and the pillars and the roof were over them. And he made a porch of the throne where he judged, the porch of judgment. And it was covered with cedar from floor to floor. As to his house where he lived, the other court was within the porch, as this work was. Solomon also made a house for Pharaoh’s daughter, whom he had taken, like this porch. All these were of costly stones, according to the measures of hewn stones, sawed with saws, inside and out, even from the foundation to the coping, and so on the outside toward the great court. And the foundation was of costly stones, huge stones, stones of ten cubits, and stones of eight cubits. And above were costly stones, according to the measures of hewn stone and cedar. And the great court all around was with three rows of hewn stone, and a row of cedar beams, both for the inner court of the house of the LORD, and for the porch of the house.
Is anyone still with me here? Who cares?
And king Solomon sent and brought Hiram out of Tyre. He was the son of a widow of the tribe of Naphtali, and his father was a man of Tyre, a worker in bronze. And he was filled with wisdom and understanding, and cunning to work all works in bronze. And he came to king Solomon and did all his work. For he cast two pillars of bronze, eighteen cubits was the height of the one pillar. And a line of twelve cubits went around the second pillar. And he made two capitals of melted bronze to set on the tops of the pillars. The height of the one capital was five cubits, and the height of the other capital five cubits. He made gratings, grating work with twisted threads of chain-work, for the capitals on the top of the pillars; seven for the one capital, and seven for the other capital. And he made the pillars. And two rows were all around on the one grating, to cover the capitals on the top with the pomegranates. And so he did for the other capital. And the capitals on the top of the pillars in the porch were lily-work, four cubits. And the capitals on the two pillars had pomegranates on the upper part, over against the belly which was by the grating; and the pomegranates were two hundred in rows all around on the other capital. And he set up the pillars in the porch of the temple. And he set up the right pillar and called its name, Jachin. And he set up the left pillar, and called its name, Boaz. And on the top of the pillars was lily-work. So the work of the pillars was finished. And he made a molten sea, ten cubits from brim to brim, all around it. And its height was five cubits, and a line of thirty cubits went around it. And under its brim were gourds, going around it, ten by the cubit, going all around the sea. The gourds were cast in two rows when it was cast. It stood on twelve oxen, three facing the north, and three facing the west, and three facing the south, and three facing the east. The sea was set on top of them, and all their hinder parts were inward. And it was a handbreadth thick, and its brim was fashioned like the brim of a cup, with a bud of a lily. It contained two thousand baths. And he made ten bases of bronze, four cubits the length of the one base, and four cubits its breadth, and three cubits its height. And the work of the bases was this way: they had borders, and the borders were between the stays. And on the borders that were between the ledges were lions, oxen, and cherubs. And a pedestal was on the stays above. And beneath the lions and oxen were wreaths of hanging-work. And the one base had four bronze wheels and axles of bronze. And its four feet were supports to them; under the basin were casted supports with wreaths at each side. And its mouth within and above the capital was a cubit. And its mouth was round like the work of a pedestal, a cubit and half of the cubit. And also on its mouth were carvings; and their borders were square, not round. And under the borders were four wheels. And the axletrees of the wheels were in the base. And the height of a wheel was a cubit and a half. And the work of the wheels was like the work of a chariot wheel, their axletrees, and their rims, and their hub, and their spokes, were all cast. And there were four supports to the four corners of one base, and the supports were of the very base itself. And in the top of the base was a round compass of a half a cubit high. And on the top of the base its sides and its borders were from it. And he engraved cherubs, lions, and palm trees on the plates of its sides, and on its borders, as the place of each, with wreaths all around. So he made the ten bases, one casting, one measure, one form was to them all. And he made ten basins of bronze. One basin contained forty baths. The one basin was four cubits, one basin on the one base, to the ten bases. And he put five bases on the right side of the house, and five on the left side of the house. And he set the sea on the right side of the house, eastward, across from the south. And Hiram made the basins and the shovels and the bowls. So Hiram made an end of doing all the work that he made king Solomon for the house of the LORD. Two pillars, and the bowls of the capitals on the top of the two pillars, and the two gratings to cover the two bowls of the capitals on the top of the pillars, and the four hundred pomegranates for the two gratings; two rows of pomegranates for each grating, to cover the two bowls of the capitals which were on the face of the pillars, and the ten bases, and ten basins on the bases, and one sea, and twelve oxen under the sea, and the pots, and the shovels, and the basins. All these vessels which Hiram made for king Solomon for the house of the LORD were of burnished bronze. The king cast them in the plain of Jordan, in the thick soil of the ground between Succoth and Zarethan. And Solomon left all the vessels unweighed because they were exceeding many; the weight of the bronze was not searched out.
Fuuuuckkk. Just be done with this.
And Solomon made all the vessels in the house of the LORD: the altar of gold, and the table of gold on which was the Bread of the Presence; and the lampstands of pure gold, five on the right and five on the left, in front of the Holy of Holies, with the flowers and the lamps and the tongs of gold, and the bowls, and the snuffers, and the basins, and the spoons, and the fire-pans of pure gold, and the hinges of gold for the doors of the inner house, the Holy of Holies, and for the doors of the house, the temple. So all the work that king Solomon made for the house of the LORD was finished. And Solomon brought in the things which David his father had dedicated: the silver, and the gold, and the vessels, he had put into the treasuries of the house of the LORD.
If any of this was true, I am sure someone ransacked this place. All of that gold is just insane.
And Solomon gathered the elders of Israel, and all the heads of the tribes, the chief of the fathers of the sons of Israel, to king Solomon in Jerusalem, so that they might bring up the ark of the covenant of the LORD out of the city of David, which is Zion. And all the men of Israel were gathered to king Solomon at the feast in the month Ethanim, which is the seventh month. And all the elders of Israel came in, and the priests took up the ark. And they brought up the ark of the LORD, and the tabernacle of the congregation, and all the holy vessels which were in the tabernacle; even those the priests and the Levites brought up. And king Solomon, and all the congregation of Israel who had assembled to him, were with him before the ark sacrificing sheep and oxen which could not be counted nor numbered for multitude. And the priests brought in the ark of the covenant of the LORD into its place, into the holy place of the house, into the Holy of Holies, under the wings of the cherubs. For the cherubs spread forth their two wings over the place of the ark. And the cherubs covered the ark and the staves of it above. And they drew out the staves, so that the ends of the staves were seen out in the holy place, in front of the Holy of Holies. And they were not seen outside. And there they are until today. There was nothing in the ark except the two tablets of stone which Moses put there at Horeb, when the LORD made a covenant with the sons of Israel when they came out of the land of Egypt. And it happened when the priests had come out of the Holy of Holies, the cloud filled the house of the LORD. And the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD had filled the house of the LORD.
Cool cloud effects.
And Solomon said, The LORD said that He would dwell in the thick darkness. I have surely built a house of loftiness for You, a settled place for You to abide in forever. And the king turned his face around and blessed all the congregation of Israel. And all the congregation of Israel stood. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Israel, who spoke with His mouth to David my father, and has fulfilled it by His hand, saying, From the day that I brought forth My people Israel out of Egypt, I did not choose any city out of all the tribes of Israel to build a house, so that My name might be in it. But I chose David to be over My people Israel. And it was in the heart of my father David to build a house for the name of the LORD God of Israel. And the LORD said to my father David, Because it was in your heart to build a house to My name, you did well that it was in your heart. Only, you shall not build the house, but your son who shall come out of your loins, he shall build the house to My name. And the LORD has performed His word which He spoke, and I have risen up instead of my father David. And I sit on the throne of Israel, as the LORD promised. And I have built a house for the name of the LORD God of Israel. And I have set there a place for the ark, in which is the covenant of the LORD which He made with our fathers when He brought them out of the land of Egypt.
Call back to Exodus…again. Wonder when the Jews will forget again?
And Solomon stood before the altar of the LORD in the presence of all the congregation of Israel, and spread forth his hands toward the heavens. And he said, LORD God of Israel, there is no God like You, in Heaven above or on earth beneath, who keeps covenant and mercy with Your servants who walk before You with all their heart, who have kept with Your servant David my father what You promised him. You also spoke with Your mouth, and have fulfilled with Your hand, as it is today. And now, LORD God of Israel, keep with Your servant David, my father, what You promised him, saying, There shall not be cut off from you a man in My sight to sit on the throne of Israel– if your sons take heed to their way so that they walk before Me as you have walked before Me. And now, O God of Israel, I pray You, let Your word be proved to be true, the word which You spoke to Your servant David my father. But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold! The heaven and the heavens of heavens cannot contain You. How much less this house which I have built? Yet, O, LORD my God, You have turned toward the prayer of Your servant and to his request, to listen to the cry and to the prayer which Your servant prays before You today; for Your eyes to be open toward this house night and day, toward the place of which You have said, My name shall be there; to listen to the prayer which Your servant shall pray toward this place. And You shall listen to the cry of Your servant, and of Your people Israel, when they shall pray toward this place, and hear in Heaven Your dwelling-place, and when You hear, forgive! If any man sins against his neighbor, and if an oath is laid on him to cause him to swear, and if the oath comes before Your altar in this house, then hear in Heaven, and do, and judge Your servants, to declare the wicked to be wicked, to bring his way on his head, and to declare the righteous to be righteous, to give him according to his righteousness. When Your people Israel are crushed before the enemy because they have sinned against You, and shall turn again to You and confess Your name, and pray, and cry to You in this house, then hear in Heaven and forgive the sin of Your people Israel, and bring them again into the land which You gave to their fathers. When the heavens are restrained, and there is no rain because they have sinned against You, if they pray toward this place and confess Your name, and turn from their sin when You afflict them, then hear in Heaven and forgive the sin of Your servants, and of Your people Israel, for You shall teach them the good way in which they should walk, and give rain on Your land which You have given to Your people for an inheritance. If there is famine in the land, if there is plague, blasting, mildew, locusts; if there are stripping locusts; if their enemy encircles them in the land of their cities, whatever plague, whatever sickness, any prayer, any supplication from any man of all Your people Israel, who shall each know the plague of his own heart, and shall spread forth his hands toward this house, then hear in Heaven Your dwelling-place, and forgive, and do, and give to every man according to all his ways, whose heart You know. For You, You only, know the hearts of all the sons of Adam. Do this so that they may fear You all the days that they live in the land which You have given to our fathers. And concerning a stranger who is not of Your people Israel, but who comes out of a far country for Your name’s sake; for they shall hear of Your great name and of Your strong hand and of Your stretched-out arm; and if he shall come and pray toward this house, hear in Heaven Your dwelling-place, and do according to all that the stranger calls to You for, so that all the peoples of the earth may know Your name, to fear You, as Your people Israel do, and that they may know that this house which I have built is called by Your name. If Your people go out to battle against their enemy, wherever You shall send them, and shall pray to the LORD toward the city which You have chosen, and the house that I have built for Your name, then hear in Heaven their prayer and their cry, and maintain their cause. If they sin against You (for there is no man who does not sin), and if You are angry with them, and have delivered them up before the enemy, and they have been led away captive to the land of the enemy, far or near, yet if they shall think within themselves in the land where they are carried captives, and repent, and pray to You in the land of their captors saying, We have sinned and have done perversely, we have done wickedly, and so return to You with all their heart, and with all their soul, in the land of their enemies who led them away captive, and if they pray to You toward their land which You gave to their fathers, to the city which You have chosen, and the house which I have built for Your name, then hear their prayer and their cry in Heaven Your dwelling-place, and maintain their cause, and forgive Your people who have sinned against You, even all their sins which they have done against You, and give them pity before their captors, so that they may have pity on them. For they are Your people, and Your inheritance, which You brought out of Egypt, from the middle of the furnace of iron, for Your eyes shall be open to the prayer of Your servant, and to the prayer of Your people Israel, to listen to them in all that they call for to You. For You have separated them from among all the people of the earth to be Your inheritance, as You spoke by the hand of Moses Your servant, when You brought our fathers out of Egypt, O Lord GOD.
Wow, that was long…and boring…and pointless.
And it happened as Solomon finished praying all this prayer and petition to the LORD, he rose from before the altar of the LORD, from kneeling on his knees with his hands spread up to heaven. And he stood and blessed all the congregation of Israel with a loud voice. saying, Blessed be the LORD, who has given rest to His people Israel, according to all that He promised. There has not failed one word of all His good promise which He promised by the hand of Moses His servant. May the LORD our God be with us as He was with our fathers. Let Him not leave us nor forsake us, to incline our hearts to Himself, to walk in all His ways and to keep His commandments and His statutes and His judgments which He commanded our fathers. And let these my words, with which I have prayed before the LORD, be near the LORD our God day and night, so that He may maintain the cause of His servant, and the cause of His people Israel of each day in its day, for all the people of the earth know that Jehovah is God; there is no other. And let your heart be perfect with the LORD our God, to walk in His statutes, and to keep His commandments, as at this day.
And the king, and all Israel with him, offered sacrifice before the LORD. And Solomon offered a sacrifice of peace offerings, which he offered to the LORD, twenty-two thousand oxen, and a hundred and twenty thousand sheep. So the king and all the sons of Israel dedicated the house of the LORD. On that day the king sanctified the middle of the court before the house of the LORD. For there he had offered the burnt offering, and the food offering, and the fat of the peace offerings; because the bronze altar before Jehovah was too small to contain the burnt offering, and the food offering, and the fat of the peace offerings. And at that time Solomon held a feast, and all Israel with him, a great congregation– from the entering in of Hamath to the river of Egypt– before the LORD our God, seven days and seven days, fourteen days. On the eighth day he sent the people away. And they blessed the king and went to their tents joyful and glad of heart for all the good that the LORD had done for David His servant, and for Israel His people.
22,000 oxen AND 120,000 sheep sacrificed!?! Can you imagine the river of blood? I know we kill many more animals than that now every day, but the human population is like 60 times bigger now, but this seems like a terrible waste and an obvious exaggeration.
And it happened as Solomon finished the building of the house of the LORD, and the king’s house, and all Solomon’s desire which he was pleased to do, the LORD appeared to Solomon the second time, as He had appeared to him at Gibeon. And the LORD said to him, I have heard your prayer and your cry which you have made before Me. I have made this house which you have built holy, to put My name there forever. And My eyes and My heart shall be there perpetually. And if you will walk before Me as David your father walked, in integrity of heart and in uprightness, to do according to all that I have commanded you; and if you will keep My statutes and My judgments, then I will establish the throne of your kingdom on Israel forever, as I promised to David your father, saying, There shall not be cut off to you a man on the throne of Israel. If you shall at all turn from following Me, you or your sons, and will not keep My commandments and My statutes which I have set before you, but go and serve other gods and worship them, then I will cut off Israel from the face of the land which I have given them. And this house which I have made holy for My name I will cast out of My sight. And Israel shall be a proverb and a byword among all people. As to this house which is exalted, everyone who passes by it shall be amazed and shall hiss. And they shall say, Why has the LORD done this to this land and to this house? And they shall answer, Because they left the LORD their God who brought out their fathers from the land of Egypt, and have taken hold on other gods and have worshiped them and served them. On account of this the LORD has brought on them all this evil.
Knowing these Jews so far, I am sure this temple will not last.
And it happened at the end of twenty years, Solomon had built the two houses, the house of the LORD and the king’s house. Hiram the king of Tyre had furnished Solomon with cedar trees and fir trees, and with gold, according to all his desires. Then king Solomon gave Hiram twenty cities in the land of Galilee. And Hiram came out from Tyre to see the cities which Solomon had given him. And they did not please him. And he said, What cities are these which you have given me, my brother? And he called them the land of Cabul to this day. And Hiram sent to the king a hundred and twenty talents of gold.
These passages seem so made up…even for the Bible.
And this is the reason of the labor force which king Solomon raised to build the house of the LORD and his own house, and Millo, and the wall of Jerusalem, and Hazor, and Megiddo, and Gezer. For Pharaoh, king of Egypt, had gone up and had taken Gezer and had burned it with fire, and had slain the Canaanites who lived in the city. And he had given it for a present to his daughter, Solomon’s wife. And Solomon built Gezer, and Beth-horon the lower, and Baalath, and Tadmor in the wilderness, in the land. And he built all the store-cities which Solomon had, and cities for his chariots, and cities for his horsemen, and that which Solomon desired to build in Jerusalem, and in Lebanon, and in all the land of his dominion. And all the people who were left of the Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, Hivites, and Jebusites, who were not of the sons of Israel, their sons who were left after them in the land, whom the sons of Israel also were not able to destroy completely, on those Solomon laid a tribute of bond-service to this day. But Solomon did not make any slave out of the sons of Israel. But they were men of war, and his servants, and his rulers, and his commanders, and rulers of his chariots, and his horsemen. These were the chief of the officers who were over Solomon’s work, five hundred and fifty who ruled over the people who labored in the work. But Pharaoh’s daughter came up from the city of David to her house which had been built for her. And he built Millo. And three times in a year Solomon offered burnt offerings and peace offerings on the altar which he had built to the LORD, and he burned incense on the altar which was before the LORD. And he finished the house. And king Solomon made a navy of ships in Ezion-geber, which is beside Eloth, on the shore of the Red Sea, in the land of Edom. And Hiram sent in the navy his servants, shipmen who had knowledge of the sea, with the servants of Solomon. And they came to Ophir, and brought gold from there, four hundred and twenty talents, and brought it to king Solomon.
I hate these grocery list passages.
And the queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s fame concerning the name of the LORD, and she came to test him with hard questions. And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bore spices, and very much gold, and precious stones. And she came to Solomon, and she told him all that was in her heart. And Solomon answered all her questions for her. There was not a thing hidden from the king, which he did not tell her. And when the queen of Sheba had seen all Solomon’s wisdom, and the house which he had built, and the food of his table, and the sitting of his servants, and the attendance of his ministers, and their clothing, and his cupbearers, and his burnt offering that he offered up to the house of the LORD, there was no more spirit in her. And she said to the king, It was a true report which I heard in my own land of your acts and of your wisdom. And I did not believe the words until I came and my eyes had seen. And behold! The half was not told me. Your wisdom and blessings are more than the fame which I heard. Happy are your men, happy are these who are your servants, who stand always before you, and who hear your wisdom. Blessed is Jehovah your God, who delighted in you, to set you on the throne of Israel. Because the LORD loved Israel forever; therefore, He made you king to do judgment and justice. And she gave the king a hundred and twenty talents of gold, a very great store of spices, and precious stones. No spice like that came any more for abundance, that the queen of Sheba gave to king Solomon. And also the navy of Hiram which brought gold from Ophir, brought in from Ophir great abundance of almug trees and precious stones. And the king made of the almug trees a support for the house of the LORD, and for the king’s house, also lyres and harps for singers. No such almug wood has come or been seen to this day. And king Solomon gave to the queen of Sheba all her desire, whatever she asked, besides what Solomon gave her of his royal bounty. So she turned and went to her own country, she and her servants.
Pointless, more Solomon stroking.
And the weight of gold which came to Solomon in one year was six hundred sixty-six talents of gold, apart from the merchant men, and and from the traffic of the traders, and from all the kings of Arabia, and from the governors of the lands. And king Solomon made two hundred targets of beaten gold; six hundred shekels of gold went into one target. And he made three hundred shields of beaten gold; three minas of gold went into one shield. And the king put them in the house of the forest of Lebanon. And the king made a great throne of ivory, and overlaid it with the best gold. The throne had six steps, and the top of the throne was round in the back part. And there were stays on either side on the place of the seat, and two lions stood beside the stays; and two lions were standing on the six steps, on this and on that side. There was not the like made in any kingdom. And all king Solomon’s drinking vessels were of gold, and all the vessels of the house of the forest of Lebanon were of pure gold. None were of silver; it was counted nothing in the days of Solomon. For the king had at sea a navy of Tarshish with the navy of Hiram. Once in three years the navy of Tarshish came bringing gold and silver, ivory, and apes, and peacocks. And king Solomon was greater than all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom. And all the earth sought Solomon, to hear his wisdom which God had put in his heart. And every man brought his presents, vessels of silver and vessels of gold, and clothing and armor, and spices, horses and mules, so much year by year. And Solomon gathered chariots and horsemen. And he had fourteen hundred chariots, and twelve thousand horsemen, whom he stationed in the cities for chariots, and with the king at Jerusalem. And the king made silver like stones in Jerusalem, and he made cedars like the sycamore trees in the valley for abundance. And Solomon had horses brought out of Egypt, and out of Kue. The king’s merchants received them from Kue at a price. And a chariot came up and went out of Egypt for six hundred shekels of silver, and a horse for a hundred and fifty. And so for all the kings of the Hittites, and for the kings of Syria, they brought them out by their means.
Help me, more listing of taxes and offerings.
And king Solomon loved many foreign women, even the daughter of Pharaoh, Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians, Hittites; of the nations which the LORD had said to the sons of Israel, You shall not go in to them, and they shall not go in to you; surely they will turn away your heart after their gods. Solomon clung to these in love. And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines. And his wives turned away his heart. For it happened when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods. And his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father. For Solomon went after Ashtoreth, the goddess of the Sidonians, and after Milcom, the abomination of the Ammonites; and Solomon did evil in the sight of Jehovah, and did not go fully after the LORD like his father David. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh, the abomination of Moab, in the hill which is before Jerusalem, and for Molech, the abomination of the sons of Ammon. And likewise he did for all his foreign wives, and burned incense and sacrificed to their gods.
700 wives, princesses AND 300 concubines. 1,000 women. I see traditional marriage alive and well here. Tisk tisk, building temples in high places to other gods.
And the LORD was angry with Solomon because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods; and he did not keep that which the LORD commanded. And the LORD said to Solomon, Since this is done by you, and since you have not kept My covenant and My statutes which I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant. But I will not do it in your days, for David your father’s sake, but I will tear it out of the hand of your son. Only, I will not tear away all the kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son for David My servant’s sake, and for Jerusalem’s sake which I have chosen.
I hate these stupid fucking Jews.
And it happened the LORD stirred up a foe to Solomon, Hadad the Edomite. He was of the king’s seed in Edom. For it happened when David was in Edom, and Joab the commander of the army had gone up to bury the slain, after he had stricken every male in Edom– for Joab remained there six months with all Israel, until he had cut off every male in Edom– it happened that Hadad fled, he and certain Edomites of his father’s servants with him, to go to Egypt, Hadad being still a little child. And they arose out of Midian and came to Paran. And they took men with them out of Paran, and they came to Egypt, to Pharaoh king of Egypt, who gave him a house and appointed food for him, and gave him land. And Hadad found great favor in the sight of Pharaoh, so that he gave him the sister of his own wife for a wife, the sister of Tahpenes the queen. And the sister of Tahpenes bore him Genubath his son, whom Tahpenes weaned in Pharaoh’s house. And Genubath was in Pharaoh’s household among the sons of Pharaoh. And when Hadad heard in Egypt that David slept with his fathers, and that Joab the commander of the army was dead, even Hadad said to Pharaoh, Let me depart so that I may go to my own land. And Pharaoh said to him, But what have you lacked with me that, behold, you seek to go to your land? And he answered, Nothing; however, you shall certainly send me away. And God stirred up another foe, to him, Rezon the son of Eliadah, who fled from his lord Hadadezer king of Zobah. And he gathered men to him, and became head over a band when David killed them. And they went to Damascus and lived in it, and reigned in Damascus. And he was a foe to Israel all the days of Solomon, besides the mischief which Hadad did. And he hated Israel and reigned over Syria.
So, God can not work against people directly? Just stir up enemies by violating their free will.
And Jeroboam the son of Nebat, an Ephrathite of Zereda, Solomon’s servant, whose mother’s name was Zeruah, a widow, he too lifted up his hand against the king. And this was the cause that he lifted up his hand against the king. Solomon built Millo and repaired the breaks of the city of David his father. And the man Jeroboam was a mighty man of war. And Solomon, seeing that the young man was doing work, he made him ruler over all the charge of the house of Joseph. And it happened at that time, when Jeroboam went out of Jerusalem, the prophet Ahijah from Shiloh found him in the way. And he had clothed himself with a new garment. And the two of them were alone in the field. And Ahijah caught hold of the new robe on him, and tore it in twelve pieces. And he said to Jeroboam, Take ten pieces for yourself. For so says the LORD, the God of Israel, Behold, I will tear the kingdom out of the hand of Solomon and will give ten tribes to you, but he shall have one tribe for My servant David’s sake, and for Jerusalem’s sake, the city which I have chosen out of all the tribes of Israel, because they have forsaken Me, and have worshiped Ashtoreth the goddess of the Sidonians, Chemosh the god of the Moabites, and Milcom the goddess of the sons of Ammon, and have not walked in My ways, to do what is right in My eyes, and to keep My statutes and My judgments, as David his father did. But I will not take the whole kingdom out of his hand, but I will make him ruler all the days of his life for the sake of David My servant, whom I chose, because he kept My commandments and My statutes. But I will take the kingdom out of his son’s hand, and will give it to you, ten tribes. And to his son I will give one tribe, so that David My servant may have a light always before me in Jerusalem, the city which I have chosen for Me, to put My name there. And I will take you, and you shall reign according to all that your soul desires, and shall be king over Israel. And if you will listen to all that I command you, and will walk in My ways, and do what is right in My sight, to keep My statutes and My commandments, as David My servant did, it shall happen that I will be with you and build you a sure house, as I built for David, and will give Israel to you. And for this I will afflict the seed of David, but not forever. And Solomon sought to kill Jeroboam. And Jeroboam arose and fled to Egypt, to Shishak king of Egypt, and was in Egypt until the death of Solomon.
For once, the mention of a real person, who really existed, a butchered spelling of Shoshenq I.
And the rest of the acts of Solomon, and all that he did, and his wisdom, are they not written in the Book of the Acts of Solomon? And the days that Solomon reigned in Jerusalem over all Israel were forty years. And Solomon slept with his fathers, and was buried in the city of David his father. And Rehoboam reigned in his place.
I’ll keep an eye out for Acts later.
And Rehoboam went to Shechem. For all Israel had come to Shechem to make him king. And it happened when Jeroboam the son of Nebat, heard, he being still in Egypt; for he had fled from the presence of king Solomon, and Jeroboam lived in Egypt; they sent and called him. And Jeroboam and all the congregation of Israel came and spoke to Rehoboam, saying, Your father made our yoke hard. And now lighten the hard service of your father, and the heavy yoke which he put on us, and we will serve you. And he said to them, Go; yet in three days come back to me. And the people went away. And king Rehoboam talked with the old men who had stood before Solomon his father while he still lived, and said, How do you advise to return a word to this people? And they spoke to him, saying, If you will be a servant to this people today, and will serve them and answer them, and speak good words to them, then they will be your servants forever. But he left the counsel of the old men which they had advised him, and talked with the young men who had grown up with him, who stood before him. And he said to them, What advice do you give that we may answer this people who have spoken to me, saying, Lighten the yoke which your father put on us? And the young men who had grown up with him spoke to him, saying, So shall you speak to this people who spoke to you, saying, Your father made our yoke heavy, but you make it lighter for us, so you shall say to them: My little finger shall be thicker than my father’s loins. And now my father loaded you with a heavy yoke, and I will add to your yoke. My father has whipped you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. And they came, Jeroboam and all the people, to Rehoboam the third day, as the king had appointed, saying, Come to me again the third day. And the king answered the people roughly, and left the old men’s advice which they advised him, and spoke to them according to the advice of the young men, saying, My father made your yoke heavy, and I will add to your yoke. My father whipped you with whips, but I will chastise you with scorpions. And the king did not listen to the people, for the cause was from the LORD, that He might perform His saying which the LORD spoke by Ahijah of Shiloh to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.
Did any of that make sense? This didn’t translate well.
And all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, and the people answered the king, saying, What part do we have in David? Yea, there is no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel! Now see to your house, O David! And Israel went to its tents. As for the sons of Israel, those living in the cities of Judah, Rehoboam reigned over them. And king Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was over the tribute. And all Israel stoned him with stones so that he died. And king Rehoboam made haste to go up to get into a chariot to flee to Jerusalem. And Israel rebelled against the house of David to this day. And it happened when all Israel heard that Jeroboam had come again, they sent and called him to the company, and made him king over all Israel. There was none who followed the house of David, but the tribe of Judah only. And when Rehoboam came to Jerusalem, and he gathered all the house of Judah with the tribe of Benjamin, a hundred and eighty thousand warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to bring the kingdom again to Rehoboam the son of Solomon. But the word of God came to Shemaiah the man of God, saying, Speak to Rehoboam the son of Solomon, king of Judah, and to all the house of Judah and Benjamin, and to the rest of the people, saying, So says the LORD, You shall not go up, nor fight against your brothers the sons of Israel. Each man return to his house. For this thing is from Me. And they listened to the word of the LORD and turned to go back, according to the word of the LORD.
This is all pure padding.
And Jeroboam built Shechem in mount Ephraim and lived in it, and went out from there and built Penuel. And Jeroboam said in his heart, Now the kingdom shall return to the house of David! If this people go up to do sacrifice in the house of the LORD at Jerusalem, then shall the heart of this people turn again to their lord, to Rehoboam king of Judah, and they shall kill me and go again to Rehoboam king of Judah. And the king took counsel, and made two calves of gold and said to them, It is too much for you to go up to Jerusalem. Behold your gods, O, Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt! And he set the one in Bethel, and he put the other in Dan. And this thing became a sin, for the people went to worship before the one, even to Dan. And he made a house of high places, and made priests of the lowest of the people, who were not the sons of Levi. And Jeroboam ordered a feast in the eighth month, on the fifteenth day of the month, like the feast that is in Judah. And he offered on the altar. So he did in Bethel, sacrificing to the calves that he had made. And he placed in Bethel the priests of the high places which he had made. And he offered on the altar which he had made in Bethel the fifteenth day of the eighth month, in the month which he had devised out of his own heart. And he ordered a feast for the sons of Israel. And he offered on the altar, and burned incense.
And behold, a man of God came out of Judah, by the word of the LORD, to Bethel. And Jeroboam stood by the altar to burn incense. And he cried against the altar in the word of the LORD and said, O, altar, altar, so says the LORD. Behold, a son shall be born to the house of David, Josiah by name, and on you he shall offer the priests of the high places who burn incense on you, and men’s bones shall be burned on you. And he gave a sign the same day, saying, This is the sign which the LORD has spoken. Behold, the altar shall be torn apart, and the ashes that are on it shall be poured out. And it happened when king Jeroboam heard the saying of the man of God who had cried against the altar in Bethel, he put forth his hand from the altar, saying, Lay hold on him! And his hand, which he put forth against him withered up so that he could not pull it in again to himself. The altar also was torn apart, and the ashes poured out from the altar according to the sign which the man of God had given by the word of the LORD. And the king answered and said to the man of God, Seek now the face of the LORD your God, and pray for me, and my hand may be given back to me again. And the man of God prayed to the LORD, and the king’s hand was given back to him again, and became as at the beginning. And the king said to the man of God, Come home with me and refresh yourself, and I will give you a reward. And the man of God said to the king, If you will give me half your house, I will not go in with you, nor will I eat bread nor drink water in this place. For so was it commanded me by the word of the LORD, saying, Eat no bread nor drink water, nor return again by the same way that you came. And he went another way, and did not return by the way he came to Bethel.
Indefinite pronouns, anyone?
And a certain old prophet was living in Bethel, and his son came and told him all the works that the man of God had done that day in Bethel. The words which he had spoken to the king they also told to their father. And their father said to them, Where is this man? What way did he go? For his sons had seen what way the man of God, who came from Judah, had gone. And he said to his sons, Saddle me the ass. And they saddled the ass for him, and he rode on it, and went after the man of God, and found him sitting under an oak. And he said to him, Are you the man of God who came from Judah? And he said, I am. And he said to him, Come home with me and eat bread. And he said, I may not return with you nor go in with you, nor will I eat bread or drink water with you in this place. For a word was to me by the word of the LORD, You shall eat no bread nor drink water there, nor turn again to go by the way that you came. And he said to him, I am a prophet also as you are. And an angel spoke to me by the word of the LORD, saying, Bring him back with you into your house, so that he may eat bread and drink water. But he lied to him. So he went back with him and ate bread in his house, and drank water. And it happened as they sat at the table, the word of the LORD came to the prophet who brought him back. And he cried to the man of God who came from Judah, saying, So says the LORD, Because you have not obeyed the mouth of the LORD and have not kept the command which the LORD your God commanded you, but came back and have eaten bread and have drunk water in the place which He said to you, You shall not eat bread nor drink water, your body shall not come to the tomb of your fathers.
Umm, what is the point of this nameless prophet?
And after he had eaten bread, and after he had drunk, it happened that he saddled the ass for him, for the prophet whom he had brought back. And he left, and a lion met him by the way and killed him. And his dead body was thrown in the highway, and the ass stood by it, and the lion also stood by the body. And behold, men passed by and saw the body thrown in the way, and the lion standing by the body. And they came and told it in the city where the old prophet lived. And when the prophet who brought him back from the way heard, he said, It is the man of God who did not obey the word of the LORD. And the LORD has delivered him to the lion, which has torn him and killed him, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke to him. And he spoke to his sons, saying, Saddle the ass for me. And they saddled it. And he went and found his body thrown in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the body. The lion had not eaten the body nor torn the ass. And the prophet took up the dead body of the man of God, and laid it on the ass and brought it back. And the prophet came to the city to mourn and to bury him. And he laid his body in his own grave. And they mourned over him, saying, Alas, my brother! And it happened after he had buried him, he spoke to his sons, saying, When I am dead, then bury me in the tomb in which the man of God is buried. Lay my bones beside his bones, for the saying which he cried by the word of the LORD against the altar in Bethel, and against all the houses of the high places in the cities of Samaria, shall surely come to pass. After this thing Jeroboam did not turn from his evil way, but turned and made priests of the high places from the lowest of the people. He who desired, he consecrated him, and he became one of the priests of the high places. And this thing is the sin of the house of Jeroboam, even to blot it from off the face of the earth.
This is such a stupid passage, I can’t even comment on it.
At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick. And Jeroboam said to his wife, Arise, please, and disguise yourself so that you will not be known to be the wife of Jeroboam. And go to Shiloh. Behold, there is Ahijah the prophet, who told me about being king over this people. And take ten loaves, and cakes, and a jar of honey with you, and go to him. And he will tell you what shall become of the boy. And Jeroboam’s wife did so, and arose and went to Shiloh. And she came to the house of Ahijah. And Ahijah could not see, for his eyes were set because of his age. And the LORD said to Ahijah, Behold, the wife of Jeroboam comes to ask a thing of you for her son, for he is sick. This and this you shall say to her, for when she comes in, she shall act as a stranger. And it happened when Ahijah heard the sound of her feet as she came in at the door, he said, Come in, wife of Jeroboam! Why are you acting as a stranger? For I am sent to you with a hard thing.
What in the fuck is this supposed to mean?
Go tell Jeroboam, So says the LORD God of Israel, I lifted you up from among the people, and made you ruler over My people Israel, and tore the kingdom away from the house of David and gave it to you. And you have not been as My servant David who kept My commandments, and who followed Me with all his heart, to do only what was right in My eyes. But you have done evil above all who were before you, for you have gone and made yourself other gods, and molded images, to provoke Me to anger, and have cast Me behind your back; therefore, behold, I will bring evil on the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam everyone who urinates against the wall, bound and free in Israel, and will sweep away the rest of the house of Jeroboam, as a man sweeps away the dung, until it is all gone. Those of Jeroboam who die in the city, the dogs shall eat. And those who die in the field, the fowls of the air shall eat. For the LORD has spoken. And arise, get down to your own house. When your feet enter into the city, the boy shall die. And all Israel shall mourn for him, and bury him. For he only of Jeroboam shall come down to the grave, because in him there is found some good thing toward the LORD God of Israel, in the house of Jeroboam. And the LORD shall raise up a king over Israel for Himself, a king who shall cut off the house of Jeroboam that day. And what? Even now! For the LORD shall strike Israel as the reed waves in the water, and He shall root up Israel out of this good land which He gave to their fathers, and shall scatter them beyond the River, because they have made their Asherahs, provoking the LORD to anger. And he shall give Israel up because of the sins of Jeroboam, who sinned, and that he made Israel to sin. And Jeroboam’s wife arose, and left, and came to Tirzah. When she came to the doorsill the boy died. And they buried him, and all Israel mourned for him, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by the hand of His servant Ahijah the prophet. And the rest of the acts of Jeroboam, how he warred and how he reigned, behold, they are written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel. And the days which Jeroboam reigned were twenty-two years. And he slept with his fathers, and Nadab his son reigned in his place.
Whole lifetime of someone, one paragraph and the old trope of graven images.
And Rehoboam the son of Solomon reigned in Judah. Rehoboam was forty-one years old when he began to reign, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city which the LORD chose out of all the tribes of Israel to put His name there. And his mother’s name was Naamah, an Ammonitess. And Judah did evil in the sight of the LORD, and they provoked Him to jealousy with their sins which they had committed, above all that their fathers had done. For they also built high places for themselves, and images, and Asherahs, on every high hill and under every green tree. And also the sodomite was in the land. They did according to all the hateful things of the nations which the LORD cast out before the sons of Israel. And it happened in the fifth year of king Rehoboam Shishak king of Egypt, he came up against Jerusalem. And he took away the treasures of the house of the LORD, and the treasures of the king’s house. He took all away. And he took away all the shields of gold which Solomon had made. And king Rehoboam made bronze shields in their place, and committed them to the hands of the chief of the guard, who kept the door of the king’s house. And it happened when the king went into the house of the LORD, the guard carried them and brought them back into the guard chamber. And the rest of the acts of Rehoboam, and all that he did, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Judah? And there was war between Rehoboam and Jeroboam all their days. And Rehoboam slept with his fathers and was buried with his fathers in the city of David. And his mother’s name was Naamah, an Ammonitess. And his son Abijam reigned in his place.
The sacking of Jerusalem. Such an important thing, just glossed over…and a reference to Book of the Matter of the Days of the Kings of Judah. I thought we were reading kings? Also, sodomites are specifically mentioned here. This book is pretty homophobic.
And in the eighteenth year of king Jeroboam the son of Nebat, Abijam reigned over Judah. He reigned three years in Jerusalem. And his mother’s name was Maachah, the daughter of Abishalom. And he walked in all the sins of his father which he had done before him. And his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father. But for David’s sake the LORD his God gave him a lamp in Jerusalem, to set up his son after him, and to establish Jerusalem, because David did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, and did not turn aside from all that He commanded him all the days of his life, except in the matter of Uriah the Hittite. And there was war between Rehoboam and Jeroboam all the days of his life. And the rest of the acts of Abijam, and all that he did, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Judah? And there was war between Abijam and Jeroboam. And Abijam slept with his fathers, and they buried him in the city of David. And his son Asa reigned in his place.
And in the twentieth year of Jeroboam king of Israel, Asa reigned over Judah. And he reigned in Jerusalem forty-one years. And his grandmother’s name was Maachah, the daughter of Abishalom. And Asa did what was right in the eyes of the LORD, as David his father did. And he took away the sodomites out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made. And also he even removed his mother Maachah from being queen because she had made an idol in a grove. And Asa destroyed her idol and burned it by the brook Kidron. But the high places were not removed. But Asa’s heart was perfect with the LORD all his days. And he brought in the things which his father had dedicated, and the things which he himself had dedicated, into the house of the LORD, silver and gold and vessels. And there was war between Asa and Baasha king of Israel all their days. And Baasha king of Israel went up against Judah and built Ramah, so that he might not allow any to go out or come in to Asa king of Judah. And Asa took all the silver and the gold left in the treasures of the house of the LORD, and the treasures of the king’s house, and delivered them into the hand of his servants. And king Asa sent them to Ben-hadad, the son of Tabrimon, the son of Hezion, king of Syria, who lived at Damascus, saying, There is a treaty between you and me, between my father and your father. Behold, I have sent to you a present of silver and gold. Come and break your treaty with Baasha king of Israel, so that he may depart from me. And Ben-hadad listened to king Asa, and sent the commanders of the armies which he had against the cities of Israel, and struck Ijon, and Dan, and Abel-beth-maachah, and all Chinneroth, with all the land of Naphtali. And it happened when Baasha heard, he left off building Ramah and lived in Tirzah. And king Asa made a proclamation throughout all Judah. None was free from it. And they took away the stones of Ramah, and its timber with which Baasha had built. And king Asa built Geba of Benjamin and Mizpah with them. The rest of all the acts of Asa, and all his might, and all that he did, and the cities which he built, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Judah? But in the time of his old age he was diseased in his feet. And Asa slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David his father. And his son Jehoshaphat reigned in his place.
And Nadab the son of Jeroboam began to reign over Israel in the second year of Asa king of Judah, and reigned over Israel two years. And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin with which he made Israel to sin. And Baasha the son of Ahijah, of the house of Issachar, conspired against him. And Baasha struck him at Gibbethon, which was to the Philistines. For Nadab and all Israel laid siege to Gibbethon. And in the third year of Asa king of Judah, Baasha killed him and reigned in his place. And it happened when he reigned, he struck all the house of Jeroboam. He did not leave Jeroboam any who breathed, until he had destroyed him, according to the saying of the LORD which He spoke by His servant Ahijah the man of Shiloh, because of the sins of Jeroboam which he sinned, and which he made Israel sin, by his provocation with which he provoked the LORD God of Israel to anger. And the rest of the acts of Nadab, and all that he did, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel? And there was war between Asa and Baasha king of Israel all their days. In the third year of Asa king of Judah, Baasha the son of Ahijah began to reign over all Israel in Tirzah, twenty-four years. And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin with which he made Israel to sin.
And the word of the LORD came to Jehu the son of Hanani against Baasha, saying, Since I exalted you out of the dust, and made you ruler over My people Israel, and since you have walked in the way of Jeroboam, and have made My people Israel to sin, to provoke Me to anger with their sins, behold, I will utterly sweep away Baasha and his house. And I will make your house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat. Those of Baasha who die in the city shall the dogs eat. And those of his who die in the fields, the birds of the air shall eat. And the rest of the acts of Baasha and what he did, and his might, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel? And Baasha lay with his fathers, and was buried in Tirzah. And Elah his son reigned in his place. And also by the hand of the prophet Jehu the son of Hanani came the word of the LORD against Baasha, and against his house, even for all the evil that he did in the sight of the LORD, in provoking Him to anger with the work of his hands, in being like the house of Jeroboam, and because he killed him. In the twenty-sixth year of Asa king of Judah, Elah the son of Baasha began to reign over Israel in Tirzah, and he reigned two years. And his servant Zimri, commander of half his chariots, plotted against him; and he was in Tirzah drinking himself drunk in the house of Arza the steward of his house in Tirzah. And Zimri went in and struck him, and killed him, in the twenty-seventh year of Asa king of Judah, and reigned in his place. And it happened when he began to reign, as soon as he sat on his throne, he killed all the house of Baasha. He did not leave him one who urinated against a wall, nor of his kinsmen, nor of his friends. And Zimri destroyed all the house of Baasha, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke against Baasha by Jehu the prophet, for all the sins of Baasha, and the sins of Elah his son, by which they sinned and that they made Israel to sin, in provoking the LORD God of Israel to anger with their vanities. And the rest of the acts of Elah, and all that he did, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel?
I swear this is not a copy and paste error. Virtually identical to a few passages ago.
In the twenty-seventh year of Asa king of Judah, Zimri reigned seven days in Tirzah. And the people were camped against Gibbethon which was to the Philistines. And the people that were camped heard it said that Zimri had plotted and had also slain the king. And all Israel made Omri, the commander of the army, king over Israel that day in the camp. And Omri went up from Gibbethon, and all Israel with him, and they laid siege to Tirzah. And it happened when Zimri saw that the city was taken, he went into the palace of the king’s house and burned the king’s house over him with fire, and died, for his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam, and in his sin which he did to make Israel sin. And the rest of the acts of Zimri, and his treason which he did, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel? And the people of Israel were divided into two parts. Half the people followed Tibni the son of Ginath, to make him king. And half followed Omri. But the people who followed Omri were stronger than the people who followed Tibni the son of Ginath. And Tibni died and Omri reigned. In the thirty-first year of Asa king of Judah, Omri began to reign over Israel. He reigned twelve years, six years in Tirzah. And he bought the hill Samaria of Shemer for two talents of silver, and built on the hill, and called the name of the city which he built after the name of Shemer, the owner of the hill, Samaria. And Omri did evil in the eyes of the LORD, and did worse than all who were before him. For he walked in all the ways of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and in his sin with which he made Israel to sin, to provoke the LORD God of Israel to anger with their vanities. And the rest of the acts of Omri which he did, and his might that he showed, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel? And Omri slept with his fathers, and was buried in Samaria. And Ahab his son reigned in his place.
Fuck, will this ever end? Same story, over, and over, and over, and over, and over.
And in the thirty-eighth year of Asa king of Judah, Ahab the son of Omri began to reign over Israel. And Ahab the son of Omri reigned over Israel in Samaria twenty-two years. And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the LORD above all who were before him. And as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, he also took Jezebel, the daughter of Eth-baal king of the Sidonians, for a wife. And he went and served Baal, and worshiped him. And he reared up an altar for Baal in the house of Baal, which he had built in Samaria. And Ahab made an Asherah. And Ahab did more to provoke the LORD God of Israel to anger than all the kings of Israel who were before him. In his days Hiel the man of Bethel built Jericho. He laid the foundation of it in Abiram his first-born, and set up the gates of it in his youngest son Segub, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by Joshua the son of Nun.
Skimming…same thing…again. Same worship of other gods.
And Elijah the Tishbite, of the sojourners of Gilead, said to Ahab, As the LORD God of Israel lives, before whom I stand, there shall not be dew nor rain these years, except according to my word. And the word of the LORD came to him, saying, Go away from here and turn eastward, and hide yourself by the brook Cherith, before Jordan. And it shall be, you shall drink of the brook. And I have commanded the ravens to feed you there. So he went and did according to the word of the LORD. For he went and lived by the torrent Cherith, before Jordan. And the ravens brought him bread and flesh in the morning, and bread and flesh in the evening; and he drank of the torrent. And it happened after a while, the torrent dried up, because there had been no rain in the land.
Odd story, fed by ravens? Better than manna.
And the word of the LORD came to him, saying, Arise, go to Zarephath which belongs to Sidon, and live there. Behold, I have commanded a widow to keep you there. And he arose and went to Zarephath, and came in to the entrance of the city, and, behold, the widow was gathering sticks. And he called to her and said, Please, bring me a little water in a vessel so that I may drink. And as she was going to bring it, he called to her and said, Please, bring me a piece of bread in your hand. And she said, As the LORD your God lives, I do not have a cake, but only a handful of meal in a pitcher and a little oil in a jar. And behold, I am gathering two sticks, so that I may go in and dress it for me and my son, so that we may eat it and die. And Elijah said to her, Do not fear, go. Do as you have said. But first make me a little cake of it, and bring it to me. And then make for you and for your son. For so says the LORD God of Israel, The pitcher of meal shall not be emptied, nor shall the jar of oil fail, until the day that the LORD sends rain on the earth. And she went and did according to the saying of Elijah. And she and he and her house ate many days; the pitcher of meal was not consumed, and the jar of oil did not fail, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke by Elijah.
Hmm, foreshadowing of Jesus the miracle caterer? Food and oil that will not fail.
And it happened after these things the son of the woman, the mistress of the house, fell sick. And his sickness was so severe that there was no breath left in him. And she said to Elijah, What do I have to do with you, O man of God? Have you come to me to call my sin to remembrance and to kill my son? And he said to her, Give me your son. And he took him out of her bosom and carried him up into a loft, where he stayed, and laid him on his own bed. And he cried to the LORD, and said, O LORD my God, have You also brought evil on the widow with whom I am staying, by slaying her son? And he stretched himself on the child three times, and cried to the LORD, and said, O LORD my God, please let this child’s soul come to him again. And the LORD heard the voice of Elijah, and the soul of the child came into him again, and he lived. And Elijah took the child and brought him down out of the room into the house and delivered him to his mother. And Elijah said, See! Your son lives! And the woman said to Elijah, Now I know this, that you are a man of God, and that the word of the LORD in your mouth is truth.
I cheated a little and have read the 4 gospels already (quick read compared to this stuff) and Elijah has a lot of the abilities of Jesus. Unlimited food and bringing the dead back to life.
And it happened after many days the word of the LORD came to Elijah in the third year saying, Go, show yourself to Ahab. And I will send rain on the earth. And Elijah went to be seen himself to Ahab. And there was a great famine in Samaria. And Ahab called Obadiah, who was over the house. (And Obadiah feared the LORD greatly, for it happened when Jezebel cut off the prophets of the LORD, Obadiah took a hundred prophets and hid them by fifty in a cave, and fed them with bread and water.) And Ahab said to Obadiah, Go into the land, to all fountains of water, and to all the torrents. Perhaps we may find grass to save the horses and mules alive, so that we do not lose all the animals. And they divided the land between them to pass throughout it. Ahab went one way by himself, and Obadiah went another way by himself. And as Obadiah was in the way, and behold! Elijah met him. And he knew him, and fell on his face, and said, Are you my lord Elijah? and he answered him, I am. Go, tell your lord, behold, Elijah is here. And he said, What have I sinned that you would deliver your servant into the hand of Ahab to kill me? As the LORD your God lives, there is no nation nor kingdom where my lord has not sent to seek you. And when they said, He is not there, he took an oath of the kingdom and nation that they did not find you. And now you say, Go, tell your lord, Behold, Elijah is here! And it will be as soon as I have gone from you, the Spirit of the LORD shall carry you where I know not. And when I come and tell Ahab, and he cannot find you, he will kill me. But I, your servant, have feared the LORD from my youth. Was it not told my lord what I did when Jezebel killed the prophets of the LORD, how I hid a hundred men of the LORD’s prophets by fifty in a cave and fed them with bread and water? And now you say, Go, tell your lord, Behold, Elijah! And he will kill me! And Elijah said, As the LORD of hosts lives, before whom I stand, I will surely be seen by him today. And Obadiah went to meet Ahab and told him. And Ahab went to meet Elijah.
So many words not saying much. Ahab meets Elijah…that’s it.
And it happened when Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, Are you he that troubles Israel? And he answered, I have not troubled Israel, but you and your father’s house have, in that you have forsaken the commandments of the LORD, and you have followed the Baals. And now send and gather to me all Israel to mount Carmel, and four hundred and fifty of the prophets of Baal, and four hundred of the prophets of Asherah, who eat at Jezebel’s table. And Ahab sent to all the sons of Israel, and gathered the prophets together to mount Carmel.
Yeah, yeah, the Jews are worshipping another god…again.
And Elijah came to all the people and said, How long are you limping over two opinions? If Jehovah is God, follow Him. But if Baal is God, then follow him. And the people did not answer him a word. And Elijah said to the people, I, I alone, remain a prophet of Jehovah. But Baal’s prophets are four hundred and fifty men. And let them give us two bulls, and let them choose one bull for themselves, and cut it in pieces and lay it on wood. But place no fire. And I will dress the other bull and lay it on wood, and place no fire. And you call on the name of your gods, and I will call on the name of Jehovah. And it shall be, the god that answers by fire, He is God. And all the people answered and said, The word is good. And Elijah said to the prophets of Baal, Choose one bull for yourselves, and prepare first, for you are many. And call on the name of your god, but place no fire. And they took the bull which was given them, and they dressed, and called on the name of Baal from morning even until noon, saying, O Baal, hear us. But there was no voice, nor any who answered. And they leaped on the altar which was made. And it happened at noon Elijah mocked them and said, Cry with a great voice, for he is a god. Either he is meditating, or he is pursuing, or he is in a journey; perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened! And they cried with a loud voice and cut themselves with knives and spears until the blood gushed out on them, as is their way. And it happened when midday was past, and when they prophesied until the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, there was neither voice, nor any to answer, nor anyone who paid attention. And Elijah said to all the people, Come near to me. And all the people came near him. And he repaired the broken down altar of the LORD. And Elijah took twelve stones, according to the number of the tribes of the sons of Jacob, to whom the word of the LORD came, saying, Israel shall be your name. And with stones he built an altar in the name of the LORD. And he made a trench around the altar big enough to contain two measures of seed. And he arranged the wood, and cut the bull in pieces, and placed it on the wood, and said, Fill four water jars with water and pour on the burnt sacrifice and on the wood. And he said, Do it the second time. And they did it the second time. And he said, Do it the third time. And they did it the third time. And the water ran all around the altar. And he filled the trench also with water. And it happened at the time of the offering of the evening sacrifice, Elijah the prophet came near and said, LORD, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and of Israel, let it be known this day that You are God in Israel, and that I am Your servant, and that I have done all these things at Your word. Hear me, O LORD, hear me, that this people may know that You are Jehovah God, and that You have turned their heart back again. And the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the burnt sacrifice and the wood, and the stones and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench. And when all the people saw, they fell on their faces. And they said, Jehovah, He is the God! Jehovah, He is the God! And Elijah said to them, Take the prophets of Baal. Do not let one of them escape. And they took them. And Elijah brought them down to the torrent Kishon and killed them there.
A simple magic trick is the proof of God? Just mix some clear oil with the water and you can perform the same trick. Give me a break.
And Elijah said to Ahab, Go up, eat and drink, because of the sound of plenty of rain. So Ahab went up to eat and to drink. And Elijah went up to the top of Carmel. And he threw himself down on the earth and put his face between his knees. And he said to his servant, Go up now, look toward the sea. And he went up and looked and said, Nothing. And he said, Go again seven times. And it happened at the seventh time, he said, Behold, there arises a little cloud out of the sea, like a man’s hand. And he said, Go up and say to Ahab, Bind up and go down, so that the rain does not stop you. And it happened in the meantime the heaven was black with clouds and wind, and there was a great rain. And Ahab rose and went to Jezreel. And the hand of the LORD was on Elijah. And he girded up his loins and ran before Ahab to the entrance of Jezreel.
No mention how long it took to do these seven times back and fourth. Miracle rain.
And Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and all that he killed, all the prophets with the sword. And Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah saying, So let the gods do to me, and more also, if I do not make your life like the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time. And he saw, he rose and went for his life, and came to Beer-sheba of Judah, and left his servant there. And he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he begged for his life, that he might die. And he said, It is enough. O LORD, take away my life. For I am no better than my fathers. And as he lay and slept under a broom tree, behold, then an angel touched him and said to him, Arise, eat. And he looked, and, behold, a cake was baked on the coals, and a jug of water at his head. And he ate and drank, and lay down again. And the angel of the LORD came to him the second time and touched him, and said, Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you. And he arose, and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb the mount of God.
And he came there to a cave and stayed there. And behold, the word of the LORD came to him, and He said to him, What are you doing here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very zealous for Jehovah the God of Hosts. For the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, thrown down Your altars, and have slain Your prophets with the sword. And I, I alone, am left. And they seek to take my life away. And He said, Go forth and stand on the mountain before the LORD. And, behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains, and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD. But the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind was an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake was a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire was a still, small voice. And it happened when Elijah heard, he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out, and stood at the cave entrance. And behold, a voice came to him and said, What are you doing here, Elijah? And he said, I have been very zealous for Jehovah, God of Hosts, because the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, have thrown down Your altars, and have slain Your prophets with the sword. And I, I alone, am left. And they seek to take my life away. And the LORD said to him, Go, return on your way to the wilderness of Damascus. And when you come, anoint Hazael to be king over Syria. And you shall anoint Jehu the son of Nimshi to be king over Israel. And Elisha the son of Shaphat of Abel-meholah you shall anoint to be prophet in your place. And it will be, whoever escapes the sword of Hazael, Jehu will kill. And whoever escapes from the sword of Jehu, Elisha will kill. Yet I have left seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed to Baal, and every mouth which has not kissed him.
Not a very omnipotent god. Has to ask questions. 7,000 true Jews left.
And he left there, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, and he was plowing; twelve pairs of oxen were before him, and he was with the twelfth. And Elijah passed by him and threw his mantle on him. And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah, and said, please, let me kiss my father and my mother, and I will follow you. And he said to him, Go back again, for what have I done to you? And he turned back from him, and took a yoke of oxen and killed them, and boiled their flesh with the instruments of the oxen, and gave it to the people, and they ate. And he arose and went after Elijah, and ministered to him.
A little gross, but ok.
And Ben-hadad the king of Syria gathered all his army together. And thirty-two kings were with him, and horses and chariots. And he went up and laid siege to Samaria, and warred against it. And he sent messengers to Ahab king of Israel, and to the city, and said to him, Ben-hadad says this: Your silver and your gold are mine, your wives also and your sons, the best are mine. And the king of Israel answered and said, My lord, O King, according to your saying I am yours and all that I have. And the messengers came again and said, Ben-hadad speaks in this way, saying, Although I have sent to you saying, You shall deliver me your silver and your gold and your wives and your sons, yet I will send my servants to you tomorrow about this time, and they shall search your house and the houses of your servants. And it shall be, whatever is pleasant in your eyes, they will put it in their hand and take it away. And the king of Israel called all the elders of the land and said, Please mark and see how this one seeks mischief. For he sent to me for my wives and for my sons, and for my silver and for my gold. And I did not keep them back from him. And all the elders and all the people said to him, Do not listen nor consent! And he said to the messengers of Ben-hadad, Tell my lord the king, All that you sent for to your servant at the first I will do, but this thing I may not do. And the messengers left and brought him word again. And Ben-hadad sent to him and said, May the gods do so to me, and more also, if the dust of Samaria shall be enough for handfuls for all the people who follow me. And the king of Israel answered and said, Tell him, Do not let him who girds on boast himself like the one who loosens his armor.
Boring, bronze age trash talk.
And it happened he heard this word, and he was drinking, he and the kings in the booths, he said to his servants, Set in order, and they set in order against the city. And they placed the engines against the city. And behold, a prophet came near to Ahab king of Israel, saying, So says the LORD, Have you seen all this great multitude? Behold, I will deliver it into your hand today, and you shall know that I am the LORD. And Ahab said, By whom? And he said, So says the LORD, By the young men of the rulers of the provinces. And he said, Who shall order the battle? And he answered, You. And he numbered the young men of the rulers of the provinces, and they were two hundred and thirty-two. And after them he numbered all the people, all the sons of Israel, seven thousand. And they went out at noon. But Ben-hadad was drinking himself drunk in the booths, he and the kings, the thirty-two kings who helped him. And the young men of the rulers of the provinces went out first. And Ben-hadad sent out, and they told him, saying, There are men coming out of Samaria. And he said, If they have come out for peace, take them alive; or if they have come out for war, take them alive. So these young men of the rulers of the provinces came out of the city, and the army which followed them. And they each one killed his man. And the Syrians fled. And Israel pursued them. And Ben-hadad the king of Syria escaped on a horse with the horsemen. And the king of Israel went out and struck the horses and chariots, and killed the Syrians with a great slaughter.
Back to the killing.
And the prophet came to the king of Israel and said to him, Go, strengthen yourself, and watch and see what you do. For at the return of the year the king of Syria will come up against you. And the servants of the king of Syria said to him, Their gods are gods of the hills. On account of this they were stronger than we were. But let us fight against them in the plain, and surely we shall be stronger than they. And do this thing, take the kings away, each man out of his place, and put commanders in their places, and number an army like the army that you have lost, horse for horse and chariot for chariot. And we will fight against them in the plain. Are we not stronger than they? And he listened to their voice and did so. And it happened at the return of the year Ben-hadad numbered the Syrians that went up to Aphek to fight against Israel. And the sons of Israel were numbered, and were fed, and went to meet them. And the sons of Israel pitched before them like two little flocks of goats. And the Syrians filled the country. And a man of God came near and spoke to the king of Israel, and said, So says the LORD, Because the Syrians have said, Jehovah is God of the hills, but He is not God of the valleys, therefore I will deliver all this great multitude into your hand, and you shall know that I am the LORD. And they pitched over against one another seven days. And it happened in the seventh day, and the battle came up. And the sons of Israel struck Syria, a hundred thousand footmen in one day. But the rest fled to Aphek, into the city. And there a wall fell on twenty-seven thousand of those remaining. And Ben-hadad fled and came into the city, into an inner room.
No fucking way you killed 100,000 footmen in one day and THEN a wall falls and kills 27,000 others. The wall must be kilometers long and 20 meters tall to kill that many people.
And his servants said to him, Behold now, we have heard that the kings of the house of Israel are merciful kings. Please let us put sackcloth on our loins and ropes on our heads, and go out to the king of Israel. Perhaps he will save your life. And they bound sackcloth on their loins and ropes on their heads, and came to the king of Israel and said, Your servant Ben-hadad says, Please let me live. And he said, Is he still alive? He is my brother. And the men carefully observed, and quickly caught it from him, and said, And they said, Your brother Ben-hadad. And he said, Go and bring him. And Ben-hadad came out to him, and he caused him to come up into the chariot. And Ben-hadad said to him, The cities which my father took from your father, I will restore. And you shall make streets for you in Damascus, as my father made in Samaria. And Ahab said, I will send you away with this covenant. So he made a covenant with him and sent him away. And a certain man of the sons of the prophets said to his neighbor, By the word of the LORD, please strike me! And the man refused to strike him. And he said to him, Because you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD, behold, as soon as you have departed from me, a lion shall kill you. And as soon as he had departed from him, a lion found him and killed him. And he found another man and said, Please strike me. And the man struck him, so that he wounded him in striking him. And the prophet went and waited for the king by the wayside, and disguised himself with ashes on his face. And as the king passed by, it happened he cried to the king. And he said, Your servant went out into the middle of the battle, and, behold, a man turned aside and brought a man to me and said, Keep this man. If he is missing by any means, then your life shall be for his life, or else you shall pay a talent of silver. And it happened as your servant was busy here and there, he was gone! And the king of Israel said to him, So shall your judgment be; you yourself have decided it. And he hurried and took the ashes away from his face. And the king of Israel saw that he was one of the prophets. And he said to him, So says the LORD, Because you have let go out of your hand a man whom I devoted to destruction, therefore your life shall be for his life, and your people for his people. And the king of Israel went to his house heavy and displeased, and came to Samaria.
Boring re-worded passage from before.
And it happened after these things, Naboth of Jezreel had a vineyard in Jezreel, near the place of Ahab king of Samaria. And Ahab spoke to Naboth, saying, Give me your vineyard so that I may have it for a garden of herbs, because it is near my house. And I will give you a better vineyard than it. Or, if it seems good to you, I will give you the worth of it in silver. And Naboth said to Ahab, Far be it from me, by Jehovah, that I should give the inheritance of my fathers to you. And Ahab came to his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him. For he had said, I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers. And he lay on his bed and turned away his face, and would not eat food.
And his wife Jezebel came to him and said to him, Why is your spirit so sad that you are not eating food? And he said to her, Because I spoke to Naboth of Jezreel and said to him, Give me your vineyard for silver. Or else, if it pleases you, I will give you another vineyard for it. And he answered, I will not give you my vineyard. And his wife Jezebel said to him, Do you now rule over Israel? Rise up, eat food, and let your heart be good. I will give you the vineyard of Naboth of Jezreel. And she wrote letters in Ahab’s name, and sealed them with his seal, and sent the letters to the elders and to the nobles in his city, dwelling with Naboth. And she wrote in the letter, saying, Proclaim a fast and set Naboth on high among the people. And set two men, sons of Belial, before him to bear witness against him, saying, You blasphemed God and the king. And carry him out and stone him so that he may die. And the men of his city, the elders and the nobles who lived in his city did as Jezebel had sent to them, as it was written in the letters which she had sent to them. They proclaimed a fast and set Naboth on high among the people. And there came in two men, sons of Belial, and sat before him. And the men of Belial witnessed against him, against Naboth, in the presence of the people, saying, Naboth blasphemed God and the king. And they carried him out of the city and stoned him with stones so that he died. And they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned and is dead. And it happened when Jezebel heard that Naboth was stoned and was dead, Jezebel said to Ahab, Arise, take possession of the vineyard of Naboth of Jezreel, which he refused to give you for silver. For Naboth is not alive, but dead. And it happened when Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, Ahab rose up to go down to the vineyard of Naboth of Jezreel, to take possession of it.
Wow, this is a fucked up passage. Accuse people of blasphemy, get them stoned, then take these really nice vineyards from their estates. Someone, tell me, how is this a moral book?
And the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying, Arise, go down to meet Ahab the king of Israel in Samaria. Behold, he is in the vineyard of Naboth, where he has gone to possess it. And you shall speak to him, saying, So says the LORD, Have you killed and also taken possession? And you shall speak to him saying, So says the LORD, In the place where the dogs licked the blood of Naboth, dogs shall lick your blood, even yours. And Ahab said to Elijah, Have you found me, O my enemy? And he answered, I have found you because you have sold yourself to work evil in the sight of the LORD. Behold, I will bring evil on you and will take away those after you, and will cut off from Ahab him who urinates against the wall, both bond and free in Israel. And I will make your house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the provocation with which you have provoked Me to anger, and made Israel to sin. And the LORD also spoke of Jezebel saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel. He who dies of Ahab in the city, the dogs shall eat. And he who dies in the field, the birds of the air shall eat. But there was none like Ahab, who sold himself to work wickedness in the sight of the LORD, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up. And he did very abominably in following idols, according to all that the Amorites did, whom the LORD cast out before the sons of Israel. And it happened when Ahab heard these words, he tore his clothes and put sackcloth on his flesh, and fasted, and lay in sackcloth and walked softly. And the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying, Do you see how Ahab humbles himself before Me? Because he humbles himself before Me, I will not bring the evil in his days. But in his son’s days I will bring the evil on his house.
Fuck, stop the fucking repetition. Just look at my content from about 5 passages ago. Same fucking thing.
And they continued three years; there was no war between Syria and Israel. And it happened in the third year, Jehoshaphat the king of Judah came down to see the king of Israel. And the king of Israel said to his servants, Do you not know that Ramoth in Gilead is ours, and we are quiet and do not take it out of the hand of the king of Syria? And he said to Jehoshaphat, Will you go with me to battle to Ramoth in Gilead? And Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, I am as you; my people as your people, my horses as your horses. And Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, Please inquire at the word of the LORD today. And the king of Israel gathered the prophets, about four hundred men, and said to them, Shall I go against Ramoth in Gilead to battle, or shall I hold back? And they said, Go up! For the LORD shall deliver it into the hand of the king. And Jehoshaphat said, Is there not here a prophet of Jehovah besides, that we might inquire of Him? And the king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, There is still one man, Micaiah the son of Imlah, by whom we may inquire of Jehovah. But I hate him, for he does not prophesy good concerning me, but evil. And Jehoshaphat said, Let not the king say so. And the king of Israel called an officer and said, Hurry and bring Micaiah the son of Imlah to hurry. And the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat the king of Judah each sat on his throne, having put on their robes, in a floor in the entrance of the gate of Samaria. And all the prophets prophesied before them. And Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah made horns of iron for himself. And he said, So says Jehovah, With these you shall push the Syrians until you have crushed them. And all the prophets prophesied so, saying, Go up to Ramoth in Gilead and prosper, for the LORD shall deliver it into the king’s hands. And the messenger that had gone to call Micaiah spoke to him, saying, Behold now, the words of the prophets are good to the king with one mouth. Please let your word be like the word of one of them, and speak good. And Micaiah said, As the LORD lives, what the LORD says to me, that I will speak.
400 prophets. Do you really need 400 prophets? And you won’t listen to the one who does not lie to you? The fuck.
So he came to the king. And the king said to him, Micaiah, Shall we go against Ramoth in Gilead to battle, or shall we hold off? And he answered him, Go and prosper. For the LORD shall deliver it into the hand of the king. And the king said to him, How many times shall I adjure you that you tell me nothing but what is true, in the name of Jehovah? And he said, I saw all Israel scattered on the hills, like sheep that have no shepherd. And the LORD said, These have no master. Let each man return to his house in peace. And the king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, Did I not tell you that he would prophesy no good concerning me, but evil? And he said, Hear therefore the word of the LORD: I saw the LORD sitting on His throne, and all the host of heaven standing by Him on His right hand and on His left. And the LORD said, Who shall entice Ahab that he may go up and fall at Ramoth in Gilead? And one said this way, and another said that way. And there came forth a spirit and stood before the LORD and said, I will entice him. And the LORD said to him, With what? And he said, I will go forth and will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets. And He said, You shall entice him and succeed also. Go forth and do so. And now, behold, the LORD has put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these your prophets, and the LORD has spoken evil concerning you. But Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah went near and struck Micaiah on the cheek, and said, Which way did the Spirit of the LORD go from me to speak to you? And Micaiah said, Behold, you shall see in that day when you shall go into an inner room to hide yourself. And the king of Israel said, Take Micaiah and carry him back to Amon the governor of the city, and to Joash the king’s son, and say, so says the king, Put this one in the prison and feed him with bread of affliction and the water of affliction, until I come in peace. And Micaiah said, If you return at all in peace, the LORD has not spoken by me. And he said, Listen, O people, all of them!
This shit is so made up.
And the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat the king of Judah went up to Ramoth in Gilead. And the king of Israel said to Jehoshaphat, I will disguise myself and enter into the battle. But you put on your robes. And the king of Israel disguised himself and went into the battle. But the king of Syria commanded his thirty-two commanders of the chariots, saying, Do not fight with small nor great, but with the king of Israel. And it happened when the commanders of the chariots saw Jehoshaphat, they said, Surely it is the king of Israel. And they turned aside to fight against him. And Jehoshaphat cried out. And it happened when the commanders of the chariots saw that it was not the king of Israel, they turned back from pursuing him. And a man drew a bow in his simplicity and struck the king of Israel between the joints and the breastplate. And he said to the driver of his chariot, Turn your hand and carry me out of the army, for I am wounded. And the battle increased that day. And the king was stayed up in his chariot against the Syrians, and died at evening. And the blood ran out of the wound into the midst of the chariot. And there went a cry throughout the army when the sun went, saying, Each to his city, and each to his land. And the king died and came to Samaria. And they buried the king in Samaria. And one washed the chariot in the pool of Samaria, and the dogs licked up his blood, and they washed his armor, according to the word of the LORD which He spoke. And the rest of the acts of Ahab, and all that he did, and the ivory house which he built, and all the cities that he built, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Israel? And Ahab lay with his fathers. And his son Ahaziah reigned in his place.
Obtuse and anticlimactic. Another dead king.
And Jehoshaphat, the son of Asa began to reign over Judah in the fourth year of Ahab king of Israel. Jehoshaphat was thirty-five years old when he began to reign. And he reigned twenty-five years in Jerusalem. And his mother’s name was Azubah the daughter of Shilhi. And he walked in all the ways of Asa his father. He did not turn aside from it, doing right in the eyes of the LORD. But the high places were not taken away, for the people offered and burned incense yet in the high places. And Jehoshaphat made peace with the kings of Israel. And the rest of the acts of Jehoshaphat, and his might which he showed, and how he warred, are they not written in the Book of the Matters of the Days of the Kings of Judah? And the rest of the sodomites which remained in the days of his father Asa, he took out of the land. There was then no king in Edom, a deputy was king. Jehoshaphat had ten ships of Tarshish to go to Ophir for gold. But they did not go, for the ships were broken at Ezion-geber. And Ahaziah the son of Ahab said to Jehoshaphat, Let my servants go with your servants in the ships. But Jehoshaphat would not. And Jehoshaphat lay with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David his father. And his son Jehoram reigned in his place. Ahaziah the son of Ahab began to reign over Israel in Samaria the seventeenth year of Jehoshaphat king of Judah. And he reigned two years over Israel. And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in the way of his mother, and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin. For he served Baal and worshiped him, and provoked the LORD God of Israel to anger, according to all that his father had done.
I thought Numbers was bad, this is almost as bad. It is one story, repeated about 20 times, with slightly different names and ages.