And God blessed Noah and his sons. And He said to them, Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth. And the fear of you and the dread of you shall be upon the animals of the earth, and upon every bird of the air, upon all that moves on the earth, and upon all the fish of the sea. Into your hand they are delivered. Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. I have given you all things, even as the green herb. But you shall not eat of flesh with the life in it, or the blood of it. and surely the blood of your lives will I require. At the hand of every animal will I require it, and at the hand of man. At the hand of every man’s brother will I require the life of man. Whoever sheds man’s blood, his blood shall be shed by man; for He made man in the image of God. And you be fruitful and multiply. Bring forth abundantly in the earth, and increase in it.
Didn’t you already tell Adam all animals on the earth are yours? I don’t get the shed man’s blood thing at all.
And God spoke to Noah, and to his sons with him, saying, Behold! I, even I, establish My covenant with you, and with your seed after you; and with every living creature that is with you, of the birds, of the cattle, and of every animal of the earth with you; from all that go out from the ark, to every animal of the earth. And I will establish My covenant with you. Neither shall all flesh be cut off any more by the waters of a flood. Neither shall there any more be a flood to destroy the earth.
God has regret. At least he owns up to his asshole behavior.
And God said, This is the token of the covenant which I make between Me and you and every living creature with you, for everlasting generations: I set my rainbow in the cloud. And it shall be a token of a covenant between Me and the earth. And it shall be, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the rainbow shall be seen in the cloud. And I will remember My covenant which is between Me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the rainbow shall be in the cloud. And I will look upon it that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that is upon the earth. And God said to Noah, This is the token of the covenant which I have established between Me and all flesh that is upon the earth.
This is where rainbows come from, apparently. Not a natural prism, from raindrops, a gift from God. Oy.
And the sons of Noah that went out of the ark were Shem, Ham, and Japheth. And Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah, and the whole earth was overspread from them. And Noah began to be a husbandman. And he planted a vineyard. And he drank of the wine and was drunk. And he was uncovered inside his tent. And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brothers outside. And Shem and Japheth took a garment and laid it upon both their shoulders. And they went backwards and covered the nakedness of their father. And their faces were backwards, and they did not see their father’s nakedness.
That was good of Ham to cover their father. Noah was a drunk and his son wanted to protect his dignity.
And Noah awoke from his wine, and came to know what his younger son had done to him. And he said, Cursed be Canaan. He shall be a servant of servants to his brothers. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem, and Canaan shall be his servant. God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem. And Canaan shall be their servant.
The fuck? Why? You cursed your own son for wanting to not have your naked, drunk ass open to the whole world? What an asshole! This was the best of humanity. Wow.
And Noah lived three hundred and fifty years after the flood. And all the days of Noah were nine hundred and fifty years. And he died.
I hope this is the last of silly life spans.