Exodus 1 to 10

Exodus 1

And these were the names of the sons of Israel who came into Egypt. Every man and his household came with Jacob: Reuben; Simeon; Levi; and Judah; Issachar; Zebulun; and Benjamin, Dan; and Naphtali; Gad; and Asher. And all the souls that came out of the loins of Jacob were seventy souls, for Joseph was already in Egypt. And Joseph died, and all his brothers, and all that generation. And the sons of Israel were fruitful, and increased very much, and multiplied, and became exceedingly mighty. And the land was filled with them.

The ancient Hebrews were very into multiplying.  I think we do have to remember, these are human beings, not rabbits.

And there arose a new king over Egypt, who did not know Joseph. And he said to his people, Behold, the people of the sons of Israel are many and mightier than we. Come, let us deal wisely with them, lest they multiply, and it will be when there comes a war, they join also to our enemies, and fight against us, and get out of the land. And they set taskmasters over them to afflict them with their burdens. And they built treasure cities for Pharaoh, Pithon and Raamses. But the more they afflicted them, the more they multiplied and grew. And they were grieved because of the sons of Israel. And the Egyptians made the sons of Israel serve with harshness. And they made their lives bitter with hard work in mortar and in bricks, and in all kinds of work in the field; all their work in which they made them do was with harshness.

So this is the evidence that this story took place during the rule of Ramesses II, or otherwise known as Ramesses the Great.  Raamses was born in northern Egypt, so he decided to build the new capitol there.  Ramesses was the name of city.  Ramesses the Great was very definitely a real person, with thousands of monuments erected during his time and his mummy was discovered.  He ruled for over 60 years and was a person.  His remains are in have been photographed, x-rayed, and seen by millions.  There is no indication anything you are about read in Exodus was real, including the life of Moses.  From what archaeology can tell, nothing you are about to read ever happened.

And the king of Egypt spoke to the Hebrew midwives, of which the name of the one was Shiphrah, and the name of the other Puah. And he said, When you midwife the Hebrew women, and look on the birth stools, if it is a son, then you shall kill him. But if it is a daughter, then she shall live. But the midwives feared God, and did not do as the king of Egypt commanded them, but saved alive the male children. And the king of Egypt called for the midwives and said to them, Why have you done this thing, and have saved the male children alive? And the midwives said to Pharaoh, Because the Hebrew women are not like the Egyptian women. For they are lively, and are delivered before the midwives come in to them. And God dealt well with the midwives. And the people multiplied and became very mighty. And it happened, because the midwives feared God, that He made them houses. And Pharaoh charged all his people, saying, Every son that is born you shall cast into the river, and every daughter you shall save alive.

There is no way anyone would follow these orders.  Just trying to demonize the Egyptian ‘king’.  

Exodus 2

And a man went from the house of Levi and took a daughter of Levi as his wife. And the woman conceived and bore a son. And when she saw him, that he was beautiful, she hid him three months. But when she could no longer hide him, she took an ark of papyrus for him, and daubed it with bitumen and with pitch, and put the child in it. And she laid it in the reeds by the river’s edge. And his sister stood afar off, to know what would be done to him.

Baby in a basket.

And the daughter of Pharaoh came down to bathe at the river. And her maidens walked along by the riverside. And when she saw the ark among the reeds, she sent her slave-girl to bring it. And she opened it, and she saw the child. And behold, a boy wept. And she had pity on him, and said, This is one of the Hebrews’ sons. And his sister said to Pharaoh’s daughter, Shall I go and call a woman, a nurse of the Hebrew women for you, that she may nurse the child for you? And Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, Go. And the girl went and called the child’s mother. And Pharaoh’s daughter said to her, Take this child away and nurse it for me, and I will give your wages. And the woman took the child and nursed it. And the child grew, and she brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. And she called his name Moses. And she said, Because I took him out of the water.

I really don’t buy this one.  I really don’t think a Pharaoh’s daughter would adopt a slave child.  That, and it sounds like the wet nurse was Moses’s mother?!?  What are the odds?

And it happened in those days, when Moses was grown, he went out to his brothers and looked upon their burdens. And he saw an Egyptian striking a Hebrew, one of his brothers. And he looked this way and that way, and when he did not see anyone, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand. And when he went out the second day, behold, two men of the Hebrews strove together. And he said to the guilty one, Why do you strike your neighbor? And he said, Who made you as a man, a ruler and a judge over us? Do you intend to kill me as you killed the Egyptian? And Moses feared, and said, Surely this thing is known. And when Pharaoh heard this thing, he sought to kill Moses. But Moses fled from the face of Pharaoh, and lived in the land of Midian. And he sat down by a well.

Moses kills a man for striking a slave, hides the body and flees.  

And the priest of Midian had seven daughters. And they came and drew, and filled the troughs to water their father’s flock. And the shepherds came and drove them away. But Moses stood up and helped them, and watered their flock. And when they came to Reuel their father, he said, Why have you hurried to come today? And they said, An Egyptian delivered us out of the hand of the shepherds, and also drew for us and watered the flock. And he said to his daughters, And where is he? Why then have you left the man? Call him, that he may eat bread. And Moses was content to live with the man. And he gave Moses his daughter Zipporah. And she bore a son, and he called his name Gershom. For he said, I have been a stranger in a strange land.

A stranger in a strange land, so that’s where it comes from.  Another well, another wife.  This chapter of Exodus is whipping through time.  Meet a girl at a well, get a wife, have a kid.  All in one paragraph.  

And it happened after many days the king of Egypt died. And the sons of Israel sighed because of the bondage, and they cried, and their cry came up to God because of the bondage. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant with Abraham, with Isaac, and with Jacob. And God looked upon the sons of Israel, and God knew them.

I take it back, the Pharaoh must be Ramses the first, or Seti.  The cities mentioned last chapter were only occupied for about 100 years, so I guess this Pharaoh was Seti, so the next Pharaoh must be Ramses the Great or Seti.
Exodus 3

And Moses kept the flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian. And he led the flock to the back side of the desert. And he came to the mountain of God, to Horeb. And the Angel of the LORD appeared to him in a flame of fire, out of the midst of a thorn bush. And he looked. And behold! The thorn bush burned with fire! And the thorn bush was not burned up. And Moses said, I will now turn aside and see this great sight, why the thorn bush is not burned up. And the LORD saw that he had turned aside to see, God called to him out of the midst of the thorn bush, and said, Moses! Moses! And he said, Here I am. And He said, Do not come near here. Put off your sandals from your feet, for the place on which you stand is holy ground. And He said, I am the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob. And Moses hid his face, for he was afraid to look upon God.

>Don’t know why Moses would be afraid to look at God.  His ancestors looked upon and even wrestled with God.  One thing that does bother me is Horeb or Sinai location is unknown.  If it was a real place, you would thing we would know the location?  It’s a freaking mountain.  

And the LORD said, I have surely seen the affliction of My people who are in Egypt; I have heard their cry because of their taskmasters; for I know their sorrows. And I am coming down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians, to bring them up out of that land, to a good land, a large land, to a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites and the Jebusites. And now behold, the cry of the sons of Israel has come to Me. And I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. And now go, and I will send you to Pharaoh, that you may bring forth My people, the sons of Israel, out of Egypt.

Why does the almighty creator of the universe need to act through a person?  A murderer, just to top it off.  

And Moses said to God, Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh, and that I should bring forth the sons of Israel out of Egypt? And He said, I will be with you. And this shall be the sign to you that I have sent you: When you have brought forth the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God upon this mountain. And Moses said to God, Behold, when I come to the sons of Israel, and shall say to them, The God of your fathers has sent me to you, and they shall say to me, What is His name? What shall I say to them? And God said to Moses, I AM THAT I AM. And He said, So you shall say to the sons of Israel, I AM has sent me to you. And God said to Moses again, You shall say this to the sons of Israel, Jehovah the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you. This is My name forever, and this is My title from generation to generation.

I am Jehovah, bitches.  

Go, and gather the elders of Israel and say to them, Jehovah the God of your fathers has appeared to me, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, saying, I have surely visited you and have seen what is done to you in Egypt. And I have said, I will bring you up out of the affliction of Egypt to the land of the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Amorites, and the Perizzites, and the Hivites, and the Jebusites, to a land flowing with milk and honey. And they shall listen to your voice. And you shall come, you and the elders of Israel, to the king of Egypt. And you shall say to him, The LORD God of the Hebrews has met with us. And now let us go, we beseech you, three days’ journey into the wilderness, that we may sacrifice to the LORD our God. And I am sure that the king of Egypt will not let you go, no, not by a mighty hand. And I will stretch out My hand and smite Egypt with all My wonders which I will do in the midst of it. And after that he will let you go. And I will give this people favor in the sight of the Egyptians. And it shall be that when you go, you shall not go empty. But every woman shall ask of her neighbor, and of her that stays in her house, jewels of silver and jewels of gold and clothing. And you shall put them upon your sons and upon your daughters. And you shall plunder the Egyptians.

Never seen so much foreshadowing in a work of literature.  Too bad there is no mention of smiting in Egyptian writings.  

And Moses answered and said, But, behold, they will not believe me nor listen to my voice. For they will say, The LORD has not appeared to you. And the LORD said to him, What is this in your hand? And he said, A staff. And He said, Throw it on the ground. And he threw it on the ground. And it became a serpent. And Moses ran from it. And the LORD said to Moses, Put forth your hand and take it by the tail. And he put forth his hand and caught it, and it became a staff in his hand, — so that they may believe that the LORD God of their fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob, has appeared to you. And the LORD said to him again, Now put your hand in your bosom. And he put his hand into his bosom. And when he took it out, behold, his hand was as leprous as snow. And He said, Put your hand into your bosom again. And he put his hand into his bosom again. And he brought it out of his bosom, and behold, it was turned again like his other flesh. And it will be, if they will not believe you, neither listen to the voice of the first sign, then they will believe the voice of the latter sign. And also it will be, if they will not believe these two signs, neither listen to your voice, then you shall take from the water of the river and pour it upon the dry land. And the water which you take out of the river shall become blood on the dry land.

Wow, here are some magic tricks to convince people you are a true prophet. As miracles go, these are pretty lame. I honestly never heard about the creepy, shriveled hand thing.  

And Moses said to the LORD, O my Lord, I am not a man of words now, nor since You have spoken to Your servant, but I am slow of speech and of a slow tongue. And the LORD said to him, Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the LORD? And now go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say. And he said, O my Lord, I pray You, send by the hand of him whom You will send. And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Moses. And He said, Do I not know Aaron the Levite, your brother that he can speak well? And also, behold, he comes forth to meet you. And when he sees you, he will be glad in his heart. And you shall speak to him, and you shall put words in his mouth. And I will be with your mouth and with his mouth, and will teach you what you shall do. And it will be, he shall speak for you to the people, and he shall be for a mouth to you. And you shall be to him a god. And you shall take this rod in your hand, with which you shall do signs.

This is a very telling section on the nature of the LORD.  He admits that he creates the dumb, the deaf, and the blind.  Not someone else, he gets to decide, not Satan or demons.  Then, the LORD is an angry creature, and for some reason angry with one of his creations.  It reads like Moses will be the LORD’s sock puppet for the next few chapters.

And Moses went and returned to Jethro his father-in-law, and said to him, Please let me go and return to my brothers who are in Egypt and see if they are still alive. And Jethro said to Moses, Go in peace. And the LORD said to Moses in Midian, Go! Return to Egypt, for all the men who sought your life are dead. And Moses took his wife and his sons, and set them upon an ass, and he returned to the land of Egypt. And Moses took the rod of God in his hand. And the LORD said to Moses, When you go to return into Egypt, see that you do all those wonders which I have put in your hand before Pharaoh; but I will harden his heart, that he shall not let the people go. And you shall say to Pharaoh, Thus says the Lord: Israel is My son, My first-born. And I say to you, Let My son go, that he may serve Me. And if you refuse to let him go, behold, I am going to kill your son, your first-born.

I see the LORD has this all planned out, including taking away the Pharaoh’s free will by hardening his heart.  The LORD seems intent on doing this the hard way.

And it happened by the way, in the inn, that the LORD met him and sought to kill him. And Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and threw it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband you are to me. So He let him go. Then she said, You are a bloody husband, because of the circumcision. And the LORD said to Aaron, Go into the wilderness to meet Moses. And he went and met him in the mount of God, and kissed him. And Moses told Aaron all the words of the LORD who had sent him, and all the signs which He had commanded him. And Moses and Aaron went and gathered together all the elders of the sons of Israel. And Aaron spoke all the words which the LORD had spoken to Moses, and did the signs in the sight of the people. And the people believed. And when they heard that the LORD had visited the sons of Israel, and that He had looked upon their affliction, then they bowed and worshiped.

More friggen foreskins.  The indefinite pronoun of him in the first sentence and following sentences is confusing. I really don’t know whom them LORD was planning on killing.  All this to get Aaron to follow Moses?  Poor writing here.  

Exodus 5

And afterward Moses and Aaron went in and told Pharaoh, Thus says Jehovah, God of Israel: Let My people go, that they may hold a feast to Me in the wilderness. And Pharaoh said, Who is Jehovah, that I should obey His voice to let Israel go? I do not know Jehovah, neither will I let Israel go.

Honest question, why should the Pharaoh listen?  Jehovah is not his god.  If this is Seti or Ramses the Great, he is already a living god.

And they said, The God of the Hebrews has met with us. Let us go, we pray you, three days’ journey into the desert and sacrifice to the LORD our God, lest He fall upon us with plague or with the sword. And the king of Egypt said to them, Moses and Aaron, why do you keep the people from their work? Get to your burdens! And Pharaoh said, Behold, the people of the land now are many, and you make them rest from their burdens. And Pharaoh commanded the taskmasters of the people and their officers the same day, saying, You shall no more give the people straw to make brick, as before. Let them go and gather straw for themselves. And you shall lay upon them the number of bricks which they have made before now. You shall not take away from it. For they are idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go sacrifice to our God. Let more work be laid upon the men, and let them labor in it. And do not let them regard vain words.

And the taskmasters of the people and their officers went out. And they spoke to the people, saying, So says Pharaoh, I will not give you straw. Go and get straw where you can find it, yet not any of your work shall be taken away. So the people were scattered through all the land of Egypt, to gather stubble for straw. And the taskmasters hurried them, saying, Finish your works, the thing of a day, just as when there was straw. And the overseers of the sons of Israel, whom Pharaoh’s taskmasters had set over them, were beaten. And they demanded, Why have you not completed your task in making brick, both yesterday and today, as you did before?

And the overseers of the sons of Israel came and cried to Pharaoh, saying, Why do you deal so with your servants? There is no straw given to your servants, and they say to us, Make bricks! And behold, your servants are beaten, but the fault is in your own people. But he said, You are idle! You are idle! Therefore you say, Let us go, let us sacrifice to the LORD. Therefore go now and work, for there shall be no straw given to you; yet you shall deliver the number of bricks. And the overseers of the sons of Israel saw themselves in affliction, after it was said, You shall not take away from your bricks of your daily task. And they met Moses and Aaron standing in the way, as they came forth from Pharaoh. And they said to them, The LORD look upon you and judge, because you have made our smell to stink in the eyes of Pharaoh, and in the eyes of his servants, to put a sword in their hands to kill us. And Moses returned to the LORD, and said, Lord, why have You treated this people ill? Why then have you sent me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in Your name, he has done evil to this people. Neither have You delivered Your people at all.

Wow, three paragraphs that say the same damn thing, in slightly different wording, move the fuck on.  Now is as good of a time as any to note the writing style has completely changed from the book of Genesis.  How God is referred to, his powers, his anger, his character has shifted quite a bit.  It was all over the place in Genesis, now God is a more consistent character.  The writing style here is overly wordy and God’s grand scheme of how to free the Jewish slaves is convoluted to the Jews and vindictive towards the Egyptians.    

Exodus 6

And the LORD said to Moses, Now you shall see what I will do to Pharaoh. For with a strong hand he shall let them go, and with a strong hand he shall drive them out of his land. And God spoke to Moses, and said to him, I am Jehovah. And I appeared to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob as God Almighty. But I was not known to them by the name JEHOVAH. And I also established My covenant with them, to give them the land of Canaan, the land of their pilgrimage, in which they were strangers. And I have also heard the groaning of the sons of Israel, those whom the Egyptians are keeping in bondage. And I have remembered My covenant. Therefore say to the sons of Israel, I am Jehovah, and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will rescue you out of their bondage. And I will redeem you with a stretched-out arm, and with great judgments. And I will take you to Me for a people, and I will be to you a God. And you shall know that I am the LORD your God, who brings you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians. And I will bring you in to the land concerning which I lifted up My hand to give it to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob. And I will give it to you for a heritage. I am the LORD! And Moses said so to the sons of Israel. But they did not listen to Moses through shortness of spirit and through cruel bondage.

Fuck me, again?  Exodus it truly awful and repetitive so far.  We get it.

And the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, Go in, speak to Pharaoh king of Egypt, that he let the sons of Israel go out of his land. And Moses spoke before the LORD, saying, Behold, the sons of Israel have not listened to me. How then shall Pharaoh hear me, since I have lips that are not circumcised? And the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, and gave them a charge to the sons of Israel, and to Pharaoh king of Egypt, to bring the sons of Israel out of the land of Egypt.

Circumcised lips?  That is a strange statement in this context.  

These were the heads of their fathers’ houses: The sons of Reuben the first-born of Israel: Hanoch and Pallu, Hezron and Carmi. These were the families of Reuben. And the sons of Simeon: Jemuel, and Jamin, and Ohad, and Jachin, and Zohar, and Shaul, the son of a Canaanitess. These were the families of Simeon. And these were the names of the sons of Levi, according to their generations: Gershon, and Kohath, and Merari. And the years of the life of Levi were a hundred and thirty-seven years. The sons of Gershon: Libni, and Shimei, by their families. And the sons of Kohath: Amram, and Izhar, and Hebron, and Uzziel. And the years of the life of Kohath were a hundred and thirty-three years. And the sons of Merari: Mahli and Mushi. These were the families of Levi according to their generations. And Amram took Jochebed, his father’s sister, for his wife. And she bore him Aaron and Moses. And the years of the life of Amram were a hundred and thirty-seven years. And the sons of Izhar: Korah, and Nepheg, and Zichri. And the sons of Uzziel: Mishael, and Elzaphan, and Zithri. And Aaron took Elisheba, the daughter of Amminadab, sister of Nahshon, for his wife. And she bore him Nadab and Abihu, Eleazar and Ithamar. And the sons of Korah were Assir, and Elkanah, and Abiasaph. These were the families of the Korahites. And Aaron’s son Eleazar took his wife of the daughters of Putiel. And she bore him Phinehas. These were the heads of the fathers of the Levites according to their families. It was Aaron and Moses to whom the LORD said, Bring out the sons of Israel from the land of Egypt according to their armies. These were the ones who spoke to Pharaoh king of Egypt to bring out the sons of Israel from Egypt. It was Moses and Aaron. And it happened on the day the LORD spoke to Moses in the land of Egypt: the LORD spoke to Moses, saying, I am the LORD. You speak to Pharaoh king of Egypt all that I say to you. And Moses said before the LORD, Behold, I am of uncircumcised lips, and how shall Pharaoh listen to me?

The worst thing about the Bible, other than the horrible morals so far, is the list of names.  Who gives a shit?

Exodus 7

And the LORD said to Moses, See, I have made you a god to Pharaoh. And Aaron your brother shall be your prophet. You shall speak all that I command you. And Aaron your brother shall speak to Pharaoh, he will send the sons of Israel out of his land. And I will harden Pharaoh’s heart and multiply My signs and My wonders in the land of Egypt. But Pharaoh shall not listen to you, and I will lay My hand upon Egypt, and bring My armies, My people the sons of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great judgments. And the Egyptians shall know that I am the LORD when I stretch forth My hand upon Egypt, and bring out the sons of Israel from among them. And Moses and Aaron did as the LORD commanded them; so they did. And Moses was eighty years old, and Aaron was eighty-three years old, when they spoke to Pharaoh.

Haven’t we already seen this a couple of times already?  This time with the detail of the ages of the Moses and Aaron.

And the LORD spoke to Moses and to Aaron, saying: When Pharaoh shall speak to you saying, Give a miracle for yourselves, you shall say to Aaron, Take your rod, and throw it in front of Pharaoh. It shall become a snake. And Moses and Aaron went in to Pharaoh. And they did so, as the LORD had commanded. And Aaron threw down his rod in front of Pharaoh and in front of his servants, and it became a snake. Then Pharaoh also called the wise men and the sorcerers. And they, the priests of Egypt, did the same with their secret arts. For each man threw down his rod, and they became snakes. But Aaron’s rod swallowed up their rods. And He hardened Pharaoh’s heart so that he did not listen to them, as the LORD had said.

Like I said, the magic rod snake is a weak magic trick.  Again, LORD fucking with free will, in this case, the Pharaoh.

And the LORD said to Moses, Pharaoh’s heart is hardened. He refuses to let the people go. You go to Pharaoh in the morning. Lo, he goes out to the water. And you shall stand by the river’s brink until he comes. And you shall take in your hand the rod which was turned to a snake. And you shall say to him, The LORD God of the Hebrews has sent me to you, saying, Let My people go so that they may serve Me in the wilderness. And, behold, until now you would not hear. Thus says the LORD, In this you shall know that I am the LORD. Behold! I will smite with the rod that is in my hand upon the waters in the river, and they shall be turned to blood. And the fish in the river shall die, and the river shall stink. And the Egyptians shall hate to drink of the water of the river. And the LORD spoke to Moses, Say to Aaron, Take your rod, and stretch out your hand upon the waters of Egypt, upon their streams, upon their canals, and upon their pools, and upon every reservoir of their waters, that they may become blood. And blood shall be throughout all the land of Egypt, both in wooden and in stone vessels. And Moses and Aaron did so, as the LORD commanded. And he lifted up the rod and struck the waters that were in the river, in the sight of Pharaoh and in the sight of his servants. And all the waters in the river were turned to blood. And the fish in the river died; and the river stank, and the Egyptians could not drink of the water of the river. And there was blood throughout all the land of Egypt. And the priests of Egypt did so with their secret arts. And Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he did not listen to them, as the LORD had said. And Pharaoh turned and went into his house; And he did not set his heart to this also. And all the Egyptians dug all around the river for water to drink, for they could not drink of the water of the river. And seven days were completed after the LORD had stricken the river.

The first plague of Egypt, water turns to blood.  Observation:  wouldn’t this also kill all the people, as well as all the fishes, including the Hebrews? Still no free will here.  The LORD is a bit vindictive.

Exodus 8
And the LORD spoke to Moses, Go to Pharaoh, and say to him: Thus says the LORD, Let my people go so that they may serve Me. And if you refuse to let them go, behold, I am going to strike all your borders with frogs. And the river shall bring forth frogs plentifully, which shall go up and come into your house, and into your bedroom, and upon your bed, and into the house of your servants, and upon your people, and into your ovens, and into your kneading troughs. And the frogs shall come upon you, and upon your people, and upon all your servants. And the LORD spoke to Moses, Say to Aaron: Stretch out your hand with your rod over the streams, over the rivers, and over the ponds, and cause frogs to come up upon the land of Egypt. And Aaron stretched out his hand over the waters of Egypt, and the frogs came up and covered the land of Egypt. And the priests did so with their secret arts, and brought up frogs upon the land of Egypt. And Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron, and said, Pray to the LORD that He may take away the frogs from me and from my people. And I will let the people go, so that they may sacrifice to the LORD. And Moses said to Pharaoh, Glory over me! When shall I pray for you, and for your servants, and for your people, to destroy the frogs from you and your houses, so that they may remain in the river only? And he said, Tomorrow. And he said, It shall be according to your word, so that you may know that there is none like the LORD our God. And the frogs shall depart from you, and from your houses, and from your servants, and from your people. They shall remain in the river only. And Moses and Aaron went out from Pharaoh. And Moses cried to the LORD because of the frogs which He had brought against Pharaoh. And the LORD did according to the word of Moses. And the frogs died out of the houses, out of the villages, and out of the fields. And they gathered them in heaps and heaps. And the land stank. But Pharaoh saw that there was relief, and he hardened his heart, and did not listen to them, even as the LORD had said.

First off, shouldn’t the frogs be dead already due the Nile being blood?  Such an odd curse.  Frogs are not exactly the most threatening plague.  Second plague of Egypt, still no free will. 

And the LORD said to Moses, Say to Aaron: Stretch out your rod, and strike the dust of the land, so that it may become lice throughout all the land of Egypt. And they did so. For Aaron stretched out his hand with his rod and struck the dust of the earth. And it became lice in man and in beast. All the dust of the land became lice throughout all the land of Egypt. And the priests did so with their secret arts to bring forth lice, but they could not. So there were lice upon man and upon beast. And the priests said to Pharaoh, This is the finger of God. And Pharaoh’s heart was hardened, and he did not listen to them, as the LORD had said.

Oh, the origin of parthenogenesis, the spontaneous generation of life from inanimate objects.  Third plague, lice, eww.  Still no free will.  

And the LORD said to Moses, Rise up early in the morning and stand before Pharaoh. Lo, he comes forth to the water. And say to him, Thus says the LORD: Let My people go, so that they may serve Me. And if you will not let My people go, behold, I will send swarms of flies on you, and on your servants, and on your people, and into your house. And the houses of the Egyptians shall be full of swarms of flies, and also the ground on which they are. And in that day I will cut off the land of Goshen, in which My people live, so that no swarms of flies shall be there, so that you may know that I am Jehovah in the midst of the earth. And I will put a dividing line between My people and your people. This miracle shall be tomorrow. And the LORD did so. And teeming swarms of flies came into the house of Pharaoh, and into his servants’ houses, and into all the land of Egypt. The land was destroyed because of the swarms. And Pharaoh called for Moses and for Aaron, and said, Go sacrifice to your God in the land. And Moses said, It is not right to do so, for we shall sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians to the LORD our God. Lo, shall we sacrifice the abomination of the Egyptians before their eyes, and will they not stone us? We will go three days’ journey into the wilderness, and. sacrifice to the LORD our God, as He shall command us. And Pharaoh said, I will let you go so that you may sacrifice to the LORD your God in the wilderness. Only you shall not go very far away. Pray for me. And Moses said, Behold, I will go out from you, and I will pray to the LORD that the swarms of flies may depart from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people, tomorrow. But do not let Pharaoh deal deceitfully any more in not letting the people go to sacrifice to the LORD. And Moses went out from Pharaoh and prayed to the LORD. And the LORD did according to the word of Moses. And He removed the swarms from Pharaoh, from his servants, and from his people. There remained not one. And Pharaoh hardened his heart at this time also, neither would he let the people go.

Same story, with flies.  Fourth plague.

Exodus 9
And the LORD said to Moses, Go in to Pharaoh and tell him, Thus says the LORD God of the Hebrews: Let My people go so that they may serve Me. For if you refuse to let them go, and will hold them still, behold, the hand of the LORD is upon your cattle in the field, upon the horses, upon the asses, upon the camels, upon the oxen, and upon the sheep, a very grievous plague. And the LORD shall separate between the cattle of Israel and the cattle of Egypt. And there shall nothing die of all that belongs to the sons of Israel. And the LORD appointed a set time, saying, Tomorrow the LORD shall do this thing in the land. And the LORD did that thing on the next day, and all the cattle of Egypt died. But of the cattle of the sons of Israel, not one died. And Pharaoh sent, and, behold, there was not one of the cattle of the Israelites dead. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, and he did not let the people go.

The death, plague of all the Egyptian animals, including the anachronistic camels. Poor animals, they did nothing wrong, just like the animals killed in the flood.  Fifth plague.

And the LORD said to Moses and Aaron, Take to yourselves handfuls of ashes of the furnace, and let Moses sprinkle it toward the sky in the sight of Pharaoh. And it shall become small dust in all the land of Egypt, and shall be a boil breaking forth with sores upon man and upon beast, throughout all the land of Egypt. And they took ashes of the furnace and stood before Pharaoh. And Moses sprinkled it up toward the sky, and it became a boil breaking forth with sores upon man and upon beast. And the priests could not stand before Moses because of the boils, for the boil was upon the priests and upon all the Egyptians. And the LORD hardened the heart of Pharaoh, and he did not listen to them, even as the LORD had spoken to Moses.

Boils and sores, I thought all the animals were dead already.  Sixth plague, still no free will.  Really hope this is over soon.

And the LORD said to Moses, Rise up early in the morning, and stand before Pharaoh, and say to him, So says the LORD God of the Hebrews, Let My people go, so that they may serve Me. For I am going to send at this time all My plagues upon your heart, and upon your servants, and upon your people, so that you may know that there is none like Me in all the earth. For now I will stretch out My hand, that I may strike you and your people with plagues, and you shall be cut off from the earth. And for this I have made you stand, to make you see My power, to declare My name in all the land. Do you still exalt yourself against My people, that you will not let them go? Behold! Tomorrow about this time I will cause it to rain a very grievous hail, such as has not been in Egypt since the foundation of it even until now! And now send out, gather your cattle, and all that you have in the field. Upon every man and beast which shall be found in the field, and shall not be brought home, the hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die. He that feared the word of the LORD among the servants of Pharaoh made his servants and his cattle to flee into the houses. And he that did not regard the word of the LORD left his servants and his cattle in the field.

Mega hail, thought the animals were twice dead already.  Seventh plague.  

And the LORD said to Moses, Stretch forth your hand toward heaven, so that there may be hail in all the land of Egypt, upon man, and upon beast, and upon every herb of the field, throughout the land of Egypt. And Moses stretched forth his rod toward heavens. And the LORD sent thunder and hail, and the fire came down to the ground. And the LORD rained hail upon the land of Egypt. And there was hail, and fire mingled with the hail, very grievous, such as there was none like it in all the land of Egypt since it became a nation. And the hail struck throughout all the land of Egypt all that was in the field, both man and beast. And the hail struck every herb of the field, and broke every tree of the field. Only in the land of Goshen, where the sons of Israel were, was there no hail. And Pharaoh sent and called for Moses and Aaron, and said to them, I have sinned this time. Jehovah is righteous, and I and my people are wicked. Pray to the LORD, for it is enough. Let there be no mighty thunderings and hail. And I will let you go, and you shall stay no longer. And Moses said to him, as soon as I go out of the city, I will spread abroad my hands to the LORD. The thunder shall stop, and the hail will not be any more, so that you may know that the earth is the LORD’s. But as for you and your servants, I know that you will not yet fear the LORD God. And the flax and the barley were stricken, for the barley was in the head, and the flax was in bud. But the wheat and the rye were not stricken, for they had not grown up. And Moses went out of the city from Pharaoh, and spread abroad his hands to the LORD. And the thunder and hail stopped, and the rain was not poured upon the earth. And when Pharaoh saw that the rain and the hail and the thunders had ceased, he sinned still more and hardened his heart, he and his servants. And the heart of Pharaoh was hardened, neither would he let the sons of Israel go, even as the LORD had spoken by Moses.

Fuck me, the LORD is a the worst prick.   Just wave your magic finger and soften the Pharaoh’s heart.  

Exodus 10
And the LORD said to Moses, Go in to Pharaoh, for I have hardened his heart and the heart of his servants, so that I might show these My signs before him, and so that you may tell in the ears of your son, and of your son’s sons, what things I have worked in Egypt, and My signs which I have done among them, so that you may know that I am the LORD. And Moses and Aaron came in to Pharaoh and said to him, So says the LORD God of the Hebrews, How long will you refuse to humble yourself before Me? Let My people go, so that they may serve Me. For if you refuse to let My people go, behold, tomorrow I will bring the locusts into your coast. And they shall cover the face of the land, so that one cannot be able to see the earth. And they shall eat the rest of that which has escaped, which remains to you from the hail, and shall eat every tree which grows for you out of the field. And they shall fill your houses, and the houses of all your servants, and the houses of all the Egyptians, which neither your fathers, nor your fathers’ fathers have seen, since the day they were upon the earth until this day. And he turned himself and went out from Pharaoh. And Pharaoh’s servants said to him, How long shall this man be a snare to us? Let the men go so that they may serve the LORD their God. Do you not yet know that Egypt is destroyed? And Moses and Aaron were brought again to Pharaoh, and he said to them, Go! Serve the LORD your God. Who are the ones that shall go? And Moses said, We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters. We will go with our flocks and with our herds. For we must hold a feast to the LORD. And he said to them, May the LORD be so with you, as I send you and your little ones away. Watch out, for evil is before you. Not so! You men go now and serve the LORD, for it is you who did desire it. And they were driven out from Pharaoh’s presence.

Move..the…fuck…on.  

And the LORD said to Moses, Stretch out your hand over the land of Egypt for the locusts, that they may come up upon the land of Egypt and eat every herb of the land, all that the hail has left. And Moses stretched forth his rod over the land of Egypt, and the LORD brought an east wind upon the land all that day and all the night. When it was morning, the east wind brought the locusts. And the locusts went up over all the land of Egypt and rested in all the coasts of Egypt, very numerous. Before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them shall be such. For they covered the face of the whole earth so that the land was darkened. And they ate every herb of the land and all the fruit of the trees which the hail had left. And there did not remain any green thing in the trees, or in the herbs of the field, through all the land of Egypt. Then Pharaoh called for Moses and Aaron in haste. And he said, I have sinned against the LORD your God, and against you. And now please, forgive my sin only this once, and pray to the LORD your God, that He may take away from me this death only. And he went out from Pharaoh, and prayed to the LORD. And the LORD turned a mighty strong west wind, which took away the locusts and threw them into the Red Sea. There did not remain one locust in all the coasts of Egypt. But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he did not let the sons of Israel go.

8th plague, locusts.  More fucking hardening of hearts.  Thought the fail took care of all crops.  No idea what the locusts are eating.  

And the LORD said to Moses, Stretch out your hand toward the heavens, that there may be darkness over the land of Egypt, so that one may even feel the darkness. And Moses stretched forth his hand toward heaven. And there was a thick darkness in all the land of Egypt three days. They did not see one another, nor did any rise from his place, for three days. But all the sons of Israel had light in their dwellings. And Pharaoh called to Moses, and said, You go serve the LORD. Only let your flocks and your herds be left. Let your little ones also go with you. And Moses said, You must give us also sacrifices and burnt offerings, so that we may sacrifice to the LORD our God. Our cattle also shall go with us. There shall not be a hoof left behind. For we must take from them to serve the LORD our God. And we do not know with what we must serve the LORD until we come there. But the LORD hardened Pharaoh’s heart, and he would not let them go. And Pharaoh said to him, Go away from me! Take heed to yourself; see my face no more. For in the day you see my face you shall die. And Moses said, You have spoken well. I will never see your face again.

Magical darkness, but only to Egyptians.  You would think with all of this magic power, the LORD would just free the Hebrews.  9th plague.

 

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